How to drop my moh ?

Just out of interest would your MOH be a bridesmaid instead or will she be completely out of the bridal party?


I'm in a similar situation with one of my bridesmaids who is a family member and I am totally dreading the conversation. Don't have a clue what to say or when it will happen but it sounds similar to your situation - we just don't talk anymore x

Do you want them completely out of your life? Because tbh that’s the only way I can see it going unless you somehow manage to have a conversation where you give them the chance to quit, but on good terms. If you end it, I can’t see a scenario where you remain on good terms 😬 sorry, don’t mean to be a downer just trying to understand and be realistic!

View quoted message At first I was going to drop her to a bridesmaid but as it’s been 8 months with absolutely no contact other than a like on social media and been completely dropped from the friendship group like not invited out anymore I feel like I don’t want or need someone like that in my bridal party anymore. But having said that I still don’t like the idea of hurting anyone even tho I’m pretty sure she won’t still expect to be part of the day. It’s a really hard situation x

View quoted message No I completely understand if I drop her that the friendship would be pretty much done and that’s really sad as at times of my life she really has been a rock. But we spoke maybe twice last year and not once this year. We are just completely different people now. Since asking her to be MOH she has never once asked me about the wedding or shows any interest when I’ve tried to talk about it.

Have you asked if she's ok? Is this behaviour out of character?
I'm not suggesting that it is your job to support her, I just wonder why the change from being a rock?
I'd suggest an open conversation starting with "Is everything ok?"But be prepared to listen, don't rush to talk about the wedding.Then explain how you feel, own your own feelings.
The longer it goes on the more stress and worry it will cause, so sooner rather than later.

View quoted message It sounds like if she is dropped as MOH it is probably not going to be a massive shock to her. You never know it may bring her some relief. Personally if I hadn't spoken to my friend for the best part of a year I wouldn't expect to still be MOH.


Just have a really honest talk with her and maybe even ask if she still wants to be MOH and if she doesn't then this will give her the chance to step down herself?
If you have a talk and it goes ok would you still invite her to the wedding? Again I'm just interested... would you replace the MOH role and give it to another bridesmaid or just have all bridesmaids? X

There is no nice way to do this - however you phrase it, it's going to be friendship-ending, so just bite the bullet and get it over with. Either call her, text her, email or write to her and be brief and factual.

In most cases, I would advise a phone call starting off by asking if she is ok and trying to sound out if she has lost interest in the friendship/being MOH or if she is just dealing with something huge in her own life. But since you are determined to drop her as MOH and are prepared for losing her friendship, there doesn't seem much point, because if she says something like 'I've been going through a really tough time recently over x, but I'm still really looking forward to the wedding', it's going to be even harder to drop her.

If you are certain then don't get into the questions of is she still on for being MOH as this will be awkward if she says yes. As others said, she may be going through stuff so it depends on how you would feel if she was out of your life completely or are you willing to work on the relationship and hear her out and work through things. If you are still sure I would maybe message her and be honest, tell her that as she hasn't been in touch and you have not been invited to other things it is clear that you are not part of her life anymore so it is best that she is no longer part of your bridal party. That mat sound harsh but you need to be honest and make it clear how you feel. It will likely cause fallout, or as others say, she may be expecting it and won't bat an eyelid, but please be certain you can accept her walking away from your life before you do it. One of my BMs has been fairly silent for months, mainly since she met a new guy and moved further away to live with him, but, when we do speak or see eachother it is good and like it used to be so I understand her life is different and it is fine, am happy for her. Friendships change over time and it is ok to let people go if it has run its course but make sure you are ok with that

This is such a hard thing to do but if there hasnt been much contact then the best thing is to just tell her it might cost the friendship for good but like you said its not been much of a friendship lately anyway xx💗

View quoted message Yeah I spoke to her last year after not speaking for a couple of months to make sure she was ok and everything was fine, we then didn’t speak again for a while till I text her first . It is a massive stress and I worry I upset her because I’m not like that at all but I feel I’ve done everything I can to keep the friendship going but I think we have just grown apart x

View quoted message I’d love her to still come to the wedding because she’s not done anything bad towards me we have just grown apart. I’m quite a bit older then her so even tho she’s settled with her partner she still very much likes going out etc which Isn’t a bad thing but I’m not a drinker anyway now I’ve got kids. She hasn’t even seen my son since the beginning of 2020 at his christening because I only see her if I go out .


No I’m not planning on replacing her I’d just have all bridesmaids I don’t like the thought of replacing her but I also don’t see a place for the in the wedding party, if that makes sense ha x

View quoted message I think not replacing her is definitely the right thing to do. I hope it goes as well as it can for you when you do talk to her.


People do drift apart - my MOH would have been a totally different person if I got married 5 years ago x

View quoted message Not answering messages, texting back, calling can be signs of anxiety and/or depression, doesn't make it your responsibility but worth considering.
Over lockdown I've found online friendships really hard to keep going, that little voice in your head saying 'they don't want to talk to me' and the longer it goes on the harder it gets.
What ever you decide the advice about how to talk to her stands. I hope it goes ok x

Hi hun how are things going with MOH situation have you spoken to her xx💗

View quoted message Hi no I’ve not spoke to her yet as I seen on social media she is away for a girls weekend so I thought it would be best to wait till through the week. Xx

I would say that at the time of making the decision the direction you wanted to go with the wedding was different and you’ve had a change of heart and after much thought with a very heavy heart you’ve decided to change your wedding party but would still love for your attendance on the day

View quoted message That’s perfect, that’s exactly what I wanted to get across but I just couldn’t put it down in words. Thank you ❤️

View quoted message Good luck just be firm if she has any questions like asks why just say you feel like you have grown apart in the last few years and have changed as people and who you are now you need someone with you as your MOH that completely gets you. It’s a shit conversation to have but it would be even worse to have a MOH who doesn’t a shit on the day xx

View quoted message I do hope you can sort things out and i totally get your decision uts hard when your not as close i hope you make the decision for you and h2b. 💗

So I had the talk with her and she she completely understood, said she would love to still be there and have actually spoke a couple of times since. Thanks for everyone’s advice xx

Glad you managed to sort things out xx Its nice that she will be there still as a friend xx💗

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Glad you have managed to resolve this so happily x

Im glad things have worked out for the good. Something similar for me,
Me and my fiance decided to have a more intimate wedding so cut down our wedding party quite a bit, my brother and his girlfriend at the time were meant to be groomsman and a bridesmaid. We explained we were sorry however we've decided to make it small, but you're still invited and we'd love it if you still came. Since then my brother and his OH has ignored both me and my fiancé. We get married in July and I still don't know if they're coming.

Just say look i feel we havent had any interaction and I dont feel you're equipped to be moh. Just say you're asking someone else who can take on the role proactively and will she Consider being a bridesmaid xx

View quoted message I'm so glad you have sorted this out! X