How to tell Dad he's not walking me down the aisle

That's such a horrible thing to deal with.

Decide, in advance, what role, if any, you are happy for your father to play in the wedding and decide how far you are willing to go to placate him. Make sure you and your fiance (and hopefully your mother and stepfather) are all on the same page and then stick to that decision. If he starts being dramatic, don't engage, just reiterate that this is what has been decided.

You might find he is more accepting of not giving a speech if your stepfather and mother don't give one either. The same with the aisle walk - walking down alone or with your fiance might be more acceptable to him than seeing you walk with your mother or step father. But it is entirely up to you how much you give way to try to keep him happy. Are you going to regret your mother not walking you down the aisle than you will regret having your father potentially not attending the wedding? Are you going to regret your stepfather not giving a speech more than you are going to regret your father acting up about it? Don't let attempts to keep your father happy ruin your wedding - to be honest, with his issues, he's unlikely to be happy whatever you do, and sadly, unless he gets himself sorted out, you're not going to have much of a relationship going forward anyway, so don't give way too much!

That sounds so tough to deal with. Keeping all your wedding details a secret really isn't a practical way forward. You really need to do what you want to do. I think if you try and appease you father you will not be happy. As you say, with his dependacy issues every interaction is a minefield. Have you sought advice from al-anon? They really helped my dad and stepmother with advice and support dealing with an alcohol dependent family member (I was a child so protected from the issues), while they won't necessarily be able to help with your exact situation, they will have advice on coping with anger and emotions and dealing with family fallout. I left a previous bf when his drinking got too much, after trying to support and help and try to get him to see there was a problem- apparently, there wasn't but I could not cope with him and his choices so I walked away. (Best thing ever as not Planning a wedding with my wonderful H2B) Sometimes, however hard, walking away is the only thing you can do for your own mental wellbeing and future happiness. You are not responsible for other people's behaviour and choices and ultimately, your happiness and enjoyment of your wedding are the most important things. Good luck xx

I cant say it any better than whats been said but talking about what you and h2b is best keeping secrets doesnt work i know from experience xx💗

Similar situation here- I'm walking down by myself, not because of my dad- it's what we originally wanted. I'm also dreading about him giving a speech, but I guess there's not much I can do about that. He has in the past, whilst drunk, and it was just so embarrassing Not much advice really, just sympathise with you and hope everything goes well. Also, not sure why some dads seem to see the walking down the isle as a right, no, you actually have to have a good relationship with someone to do that, it's not a right. Sigh.

Very similar situation here (alcohol-dependent dad, though he keeps trying to stop, which makes it worse when he inevitably starts again...), but I am lucky in that my dad isn't at all sociable and doesn't like people, so has decided not to come. I think he secretly knows I didn't really want him there, but we would never say that to each other.

I was dreading having to tell him I didn't want him to walk me down the aisle, though giving a speech was never going to happen. I was also fortunate in that he said this to my mam, and not to me so I didn't have to have that conversation.

I'm really sorry you're in this situation, and that I don't have anything to offer except support. I would say that the first person who commented had some pretty sound advice there though.
Compromise, but only to the extent that you are happy to. Don't go all out to please him when it could well ruin your day.

I did just read the "19 ways to include your dad in your wedding" article which was linked at the bottom of the page, and it said this "Never feel pressured to bow to convention or adhere to the wishes of others – include your dad in your wedding day in a way that reflects your relationship. It could be that a stepfather is the best person to walk you down the aisle and deliver a speech. It might be that your dad is no longer with you but you save him a chair at the ceremony and reception. You could include a tribute to him on a memory table or dedicate wedding favours or gift donations to a particular charity in his honour. You could also decide that acknowledging or inviting your dad is too painful, and that’s ok too.

How you include your family in your wedding day is an entirely personal decision so chat through your plans with your partner, support one another and do things your way."

Thought it might help x

My Dad has decided not to come to our wedding. Deep down I think he doesnt agree with my same sex relationship, though he keeps making up excuses, *he's seen me get married once already* *he doesn't like socialising* *he doesn't like the town we're getting married in* I would like him to come and I would love him to want to walk me down the aisle but he doesn't. It's hard and it hurts but I'm kind of glad he won't be there to make a speech as he is also a functioning alcoholic so him being a guest of honour could get messy.

I would love help with this too. I adore my dad, and growing up I saw him once a week. But I'd love my little brother (were 1 year apart so practically twins) to walk me down the Isle, he's the man in my life xx

View quoted message Love this 🥰
My little brother (he’s 26 ) is doing my father of the bride speech as he’s lived with me the longest with our mum so my dad wouldn’t know what to say as he’s doesn’t know us as well as my brother xx

View quoted message I use to see my dad every weekend but he's a big child and would be upset if he didn't. A part of me hopes he doesn't want too haha. But my "little" brother will be 28 when I get married xx

View quoted message We’ve decided to include everybody so my dad is walking me down , mum is giving me away and then my ‘little bro’ like you is doing the father of bride speech as he knows me best! it will all work out xx

View quoted message I'm tempted to do it as a tag team.. my brother or my father starts then half way down the other takes over haha. I'm glad you got it all sorted xx

View quoted message Yeah so whatever you feel comfortable doing as it’s your big day and don’t let your dad make you feel guilty he’s lucky that he’s even got an invite 🙂 xx