If you met today, would you still marry / be with your partner?

Not a great deal has changed for us - we both still do more or less the same job as we did when we met, live in the same city, have the same friends etc.

Sans baby we still enjoy the same things (getting drunk in grotty pubs, eating a lot ?) so I think we would probably still get together.

ETA - hope you're ok Boop.

I think so yes.

We both enjoy the same things and there is still the attraction there

What Foo said.

I think we would actually. Although its really hard to imagine. I don't know what I would have been doing for the last 10 years instead and what kind of person/situation that would have resulted in. For example, I am now a mum, but to H's children, so if we hadn't met I wouldn't be a mum, or would I have had someone else's children, and be a single mum, and that might make me less inclined to start a relationship with anyone...

[brain explodes]

I wouldn't have thought so.

You know, Thats a really good a slightly worrying question because I don't think there is any doubt we wouldn't be together or married if we'd met today. Thats awful isn't it?

I think If I'd been older when I'd met him I would have put up with less of his behaviour and wouldn't have stayed with him. In fact, If I'd met his parents, on reflection I don't think we'd have lasted 6 months.

Its also incredibly unlikely we'd meet, I'd never have visited the town hes from and we met by chance in a London pub- something he didn't do very often, and he wouldn't have moved to London without me.

Mind you its easy to say all that in retrospect.

Yes - I still find him attractive and funny which is what attracted me to him in the first place

Yes, almost certainly - we actually have more in common now than when we first met, and I'm not married to someone else ?

Yes. It's extremely soppy (and I have never said this before ?) but he absolutely is my soul mate (?)

Same here. In the 13 years we've been together I don't think I've met a single woman that I'd have considered ditching G&T to be with.

I think we would, although the overall package isn't quite so attractive as it was then ?

Yes i think we most probably would have been. We still have lots of common interests and we do pretty much everything together. He's my best friend.

I reckon so. Although I do sometimes think that if H had known exactly what dealing with me and my depression entails he would have committed to me. (But he says that he would have)

Almost certainly I'd say. We met when we were 18, and we are in our 30s now. We have both changed, quite a lot, but have grown clsoer, rather than further apart. I think we are extremely fortunate to have never had a major rough patch (or even a minor one that I can remember) or falling out. We are just extremely well matched.

No, I really don't think so.

If I had known what I know now, I think I wouldn't have married him.

I don't think it's awful - obviously as I don't think we'd have got together either. If we hadn't met when we did and in the way we did then I don't think we'd have enough superficially in common now to have sustained a new relationship. It's not about physical attraction or the other qualities that attract each other but more like if you read his profile on a dating website would it be enough to get you to make contact for a date?

I'd probably run a mile from someone who listed rowing coach as his job, and he would certainly run a mile from someone with a dog and two cats (because if he hadn't got our animals he'd still see himself as a non-animal person). The reasons we stay together are a whole lot more in depth than that.

WCS.

Even more so after he was diagnosed with cancer last, the thought of losing him was the most frightening thing ever for me. I absolutely adore him and I am so lucky to have such a wonderfully caring man. alot of my friends are very envious of our relationship, it's lovely that they see our love so openly.

Are you okay, MrsM? ?

Yes, absolutely. Not because we're love's young dream, but because it's rare to come across someone with the combination of attitude, intelligence, political and social awareness, and downright sense of decency Mr JK has. In addition it seems he likes (or is prepared to tolerate) opinionated, fat redheads. Which makes it all so much easier.

We were very fortunate to stumble upon each other, but the use of the internet is no less for either of us now, so we would still have stumbled. We still broadly like the same kinds of things, though I've stopped pretending to like arty films and classical music. To be fair, he might not have still been on the market due to my incredible clean-up job on the vile t-shirts and the word-to-the-wise re haircuts.

And we have the children, which has given us cohesion, and for whom we are truly grateful. I would that it were this way for everyone who would like it.

WSS ?

I honestly don't think we would have got together.

He is a lovely man who makes me laugh but to think of him as a life long parter scares me.

I honestly can't think how me and Mr R-A would meet now (we got together at school).

I also think our lives would have diverged further and further - both professionally and in terms of how we developed as people.

E.g. he's inclined to slobbiness, I used to be a neat freak. If we'd carried on down those paths for 8 years and met now I'm not sure we could find a middle ground in our home life. As it is, he's made me chill out so much more, and I think he has learnt to appreciate a good list ?

But we share a SOH and common views on the big things, so maybe we would still have made it work.

I'm very glad we did meet. I'm 100% sure I'm a better person because of him.

Are you ok?

?

That's a real Sliding Doors question ?. As I met him through my brother, chances are I would have met him again on occasion through my life and I suspect we would have taken our chance eventually. I'd met him about 2 years before we got together and there was a spark but neither of us were at a place where we could have managed to cope with the long distance aspect of the relationship. As it was, when it finally happened there was a knife-edge moment where we nearly called it all off right at the start because it seemed too hard (we'd had a snog at bro's birthday party and were then talking back and forth as to how we would manage the distance thing). But once we saw each other again I think we were both sunk.

Neither of us had had any serious relationships up till that point (we were 22) and I honestly think we had been waiting for each other, we just didn't know what we were waiting for till we found it ?.

Tis a good question...one that is making my head hurt!

I would like to think so but in reality I ask if we would be the same people now if we hadn't been together, if we would have the same interests now, be in the same place etc. He was my best friend before we got together, and I could see myself being friends with him now so maybe it would have led in the same way.

I think our whole relationship would have been easier if we had met now, as the past effects us in some ways. Ours was not the easiest of get togethers ?

Oh blimey, thank you for all the hugs. xx ?

Sorry, I didn't mean to make this about me. ?

WEES ?

The only thing that would make me say no would be that as my step-brother it would be too wierd now. We married within 6 months of his mother and my dad marrying so at the time it didn;t seem an issue, however it's now been 13 years since they got married (12 for us) so it would feel wrong somehow

MrsMagic, I think that in any relationship there's a process of disillusionment - when we start out everything is hearts and roses and filthy sex, and then gradually you both stop being on your best behaviour and let things slide a bit.

I think everyone with a degree of emotional maturity expects that in the fullness of time their partner will begin farting in bed and needing more encouragement to do the washing up, and suchlike. What I found with my ex was that as the romance wore off, so his tendency to selfishness, manipulativeness and downright cruelty came to the fore.

I do know what you're referring to and I think it's pretty unasseppable tbh.

Yes we would. Most men bore me rigid. I love the fact that my OH is a dynamic, intelligent, can-do person. We've had tough times over the past few years, which have brought us closer than ever.

[hugs] for all that need them, I hope you're ok, it can be a difficult question to address I think.

For me, well. Goodness knows how we ever met, living in completely different places and working in completely different industries; and maybe this isn't even applicable to me as we have been together just shy of one year. But I can honestly say, the more that I know this man, the more that I love, admire and respect him. I would never have thought that I could be happy with someone so much younger than me (ok it's not loads but it's not what I was used to), who lived a distance away and who had more short-term relationships than The Littlest Hobo. But it's worked and we've both learned a lot about each other and about how to make things work together. He's the best.

Sorry if that sounds a little soppy, it's my last day at work today and I've just been given champagne, flowers and a card and I'm feeling a bit emotional, my colleagues are so lovely.

I really hope it all works out for you. I don't know you well but having met you I really think you're a genuinely lovely person, one of those all round "nice" people that I'd like to be like (but I'm not!), and you really deserve to be happy.