Inviting People to Hen Do who are not Invited to Wedding

Mixed thoughts. If it's framed correctly, yes.

"Hi, I am having my hen do on time/date/location. If you're free, it would be great to meet up with you at some point in the evening, haven't seen you for ages". If I received a call to that effect, I'd assume I wasn't a formal part of the hen do and therefore not invited to the wedding. How that would make me feel, I don't know, but I'm always up for a party so any excuse to go out would be fine!

I had one girl at my hen do who didn't attend my wedding - she was invited but couldn't make it. I feel twinges of guilt about that, let alone if I hadn't even invited her.

I also had this thought - I personally think it's a bit strange, if I was invited on someones hen do I would expect to be invited to the wedding!

You have to do what's right for you but that's my opinion xx

Yes I think its acceptable. my first thought was that it was a strange thing to do, but now you've explained why, I can see why you would. So maybe you just need to explain to the hen do guests in the same way, that due to numbers and distance you can't invite them to wedding but that they are important to you, so you would like them to be involved in some way. I'm sure they'll understand

Yeah i think this is fine and not strange at all, i recently went on a hen do and i wasn't invited to the wedding which didn't bother me at all as i didn't really know her that well, afterall it was my choice if i wanted to go on hen do x

Have a similar issue with mine; want to invite some old school friends to the hen; we're going to invite them to the evening, but not the day (ie. the actual wedding). Thankfully I think I can bump things around a bit by un-plus 1ing a few people and asking a couple of husbands / partners we don't know too well stay in the pub next door during the ceremony- I can't see they'll mind!!! ? This isn't our limitation, but the ceremony room literally only holds 45 people so we couldn't physically pack them in if we tried! I would say it was fine. If I was in that situation, I'd understand. You could still invite them to the evening kind of knowing that they prob won't come, as a token....? (is that evil?) ?

This is what I'm thinking - they can say no but as I'm going to be in "their" city and haven't been out there for years (and last time I did go out there it was probably with them) I thought it would be nice to invite them along. We'll just have to make sure we don't talk too much about the wedding!?!

I was thinking of this too but then what if they all turn up?! They have husbands and two kids each so that would be 8 people ?

I dont think its strange given the circumstances, I am sure they will understand if you word it correctly.

I do think it's ok if explained properly but on the other hand would it not be a little awkward on the day of the hen do when some are talking excitedly about your day with others possibly thinking 'why have they made the cut and I havent' - I understand why you want to do it like that i'm just trying to give a view that may not have been considered!

I think it's odd. I wouldn't feel comfortable inviting somebody to my hen do, but not my wedding. I also wouldn't go to a hen do if I wasn't going to a weddding. I do understand your reasons though, but I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it. I just don't feel it's right. If you had a get together with your old friends that would be one thing, but calling it a hen do I think would be odd if they aren't coming to your wedding.

If you genuinely want to see those people on your hen night then you should just to put it to them and see how they react.

The those who understand will most likely come and have a good time and those who don't probably won't.

Personally, if I didn't have to travel far to attend the hen night of one of my old friends - where I'd most likely get to see some of my other old friends - then I wouldn't mind not being invited to the wedding.

NB: I'm quite a laid back person - not everyone is ;o)

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable doing this but that might just be me. I would so though, that if you do invite people to the hen do but not the wedding, make sure they're clear about the fact that they're not invited to the wedding. I wouldn't be impressed if I wasn't aware of this and went on a hen do (and spent a lot of money in some cases) and then found I wasn't invited to the wedding. I think if you are clear about this to start then they can make the decision themselves...

I agree with the above. From what you & others have said I can understand why you'd like to invite them, but it's not something i'd be comfortable with myself.
If I was invited along to a hen do, but not the actual wedding i'd probably feel like I was there to just make up the numbers, possibly even as an "obligation" invite. For that reason, I'd more than likely pass on attending.

At the same time, I can see it completely not being an issue. I suppose it depends on your friends really and whether you think it would be a sensitive issue.

I agree with the others that if it's explained to them the reasons why you can't invite them then it should be fine. Although can't you do 2 hen nights, one with those who are coming to the wedding and one with those that you can't invite?

I've invited a couple of friends on my hen who I haven't got space to invite to the wedding (even the evening do!) They were both fine about it - I know them through friends and only tend to see them when there's a big group of us. I simply explained that due to restrictions at the venue we were pushed for room at the wedding but if they wanted to, I'd still love them to come to the hen do - I didn't see why they had to miss out twice!! They both laughed when I put it like that. Obviously, should we get space to invite them to the evening do then I will bump them up to the wedding too but hen do stuff was sorted first.

So they should be fine - if you are!

I think it is a bit odd TBH and is not something I would do personally, I would also be a bit miffed if I was invited to some ones Hen/stag but not their wedding.

Thing is I wouldn't really do a separate night with them. One of the main reasons for inviting them is because we're doing it in Norwich where they live (and where I used to live) so I thought it would be nice to invite them.

On the flip side they could even be offended if I didn't invite them, once they see the pics on Facebook of me having a night out in their city!

I think it's fine - there's going to be a few at mine who aren't invited to the day (probably invited to the eve though), and I've been to a couple of hen dos where I wasn't invited to any part of the wedding.

At the end of the day, as I see it a hen do is just a little celebration/party marking the end of your single life & start of your married life. It's kind of separate from the actually wedding, which is more serious, and a chance to let your hair down properly with all your girly mates! It's also a really good way of getting to see some of the girls who might not have been able to make the wedding anyway.

As a side note, a lot of my mates are blokes and not invited to the hen do (or wedding), so my MOH is organising a 2nd "do" for everyone who's a friend of mine - we're all going to go for afternoon tea somewhere nice the weekend the wedding, as a chill out and a chance for us all to get together.
Perhaps you could do something like this for the non-wedding people, if it's going to be awkward? Call it a "pre-wedding friend gathering" or something similar?

Hope this helps!

Thanks Alice. It's not practical to have a second do but what you say about having a night out / get together makes sense and it's how I'd like to approach it.

I have someone coming on my hen weekend who is kinda coming by default! She won't be invited to the day do, just the evening as I'm already up to my numbers & have left people out I didn't want to! I will also have a lot of people at my local hen night who won't be coming to the day do too! I just don't have the space/money.