Is it okay that i don't want my parents at my wedding?

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

To be honest, I don't think you'll get any answers from a forum like this - some people have cut themselves off from their family and never looked back - others have done the same and regretted it. Some have tried to build bridges through their weddings and it's ended up with a great reconciliation - others have just ruined the memories of their wedding day. It so depends on you, your OH and your individual family circumstances.

All I would say is that if you do decide to invite your dad, invite him based on who he is now and how he behaves now. Don't expect him to suddenly become a totally different person. The people I've seen who have been able to cope best with difficult family members at their wedding are the ones who have accepted those people for who they are and don't expect them to become a 'better version' of themselves for the wedding. That kind of dramatic overnight transformation is the stuff of Disney fairytales. Real life change is painful, messy and takes a long time.

Whatever route you choose, dealing with estrangements from close family members is incredibly painful. I'd really encourage you to seek out some counselling to help you process your emotions - you may also find that this helps you come to a decision on what to do with your wedding. I'd also suggest talking it over with your spouse to be - he/she knows you better than anyone else and may also know something of your family dynamic. A partner can sometimes be too close to the situation to be able to advise clearly because they care so much, but it's always worth listening to their perspective.

If you don't have to decide yet, then I think you are wise to leave it. You may find that your feelings become clearer over time.

Just another thought that came to me - I wonder if leaving your father out of the wedding is going to make a huge difference to the future of the relationship anyway. You're thinking about cutting him out because of his bullying treatment - either being left out of the wedding is going to open his eyes to just how awful his behaviour has been, in which case he's going to understand why you've done it and it won't stop him trying to rebuild the relationship if he's truly sorry. OR, he won't be able to understand why you would leave him out, because he thinks he's done nothing wrong, in which case, he's never likely to be able to grasp the enormity of his behaviour, so the chances of him ever changing are pretty minimal.

Maybe thinking about it in those terms might help? So your decision can then be just about whether or not you want him there on the wedding day - what happens after that is up to him.

It's okay to want/not want whoever you like at your wedding. I'm in a similar position, estranged from both my parents due to their shitty behaviour and I don't think societal pressure should dictate who does and doesn't get an invite. In my view, if you feel like having your dad there would have any negative impact on you or your day then it would probably mean it's not a good idea to invite him. Ultimately it's your decision though, there's nothing wrong with not inviting both parents but there's also nothing wrong with maybe getting to a point of forgiveness and deciding to inviting them - Sounds like a difficult situation but it's your day and 100% your call. Hope all goes well!

Totally agree with your point of view.

I'm so sorry.

When facing situations with difficult family members, I remind myself of that saying that 'friends are the family you pick for yourself'. I hope you have some 'hand picked' family who can give you the support that you should be getting from your bio family xxx