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Dedicated July 2022 Durham

It's happening again!!!!

Charlotte, 1 of July of 2022 at 05:50 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 11

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So a while back my MOH was arranging my hen do and wanted her friend to tag along, which flirts with my H2B in front of me and ignores me etc etc....I feel uncomfortable around her, but the situation got explained I just wanted family there. The hen do comes and last minute as I'm leaving the house my bridesmaid ask if her friend can come she's feeling low and just needs a good night out, (she lost her 3 year old daughter two years ago), so I just said yes no problem. Anyway, the wedding is in twenty odd days and my in laws have decided on a mini bus as they live a lil distance away from venue, I heard yesterday while booking the bus, that my MOH friend is actually coming to the wedding even though we had to remove my MOH plus one month's ago which they all knew. We're already tight with numbers, but I can't really say no as my bridesmaids friend came to my hen when I said family only. I've tossed and turned all night, woke at 5clock after not falling asleep until half one, two ish. I don't know how to approach this. My h2b is really approachable and understands why I feel uncomfortable around this "friend ". I wanted your guys opinions, should I mention this to my H2B or just "bite bullet" and let her come.

Bridesmaid and MOH are his older sisters.Sorry for the long post!!

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Latest activity by Michelle, 2 of July of 2022 at 15:51

VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
Charlotte · 1 of July of 2022 at 08:52
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I am so sorry you are having to deal with this stress so close to the wedding. As hard as it will be you must speak to your MOH ASAP. Whilst you said yes to her coming to the Hen that does not give your MOH the right to invite her to the wedding. If you told her months ago she does not have a plus one now then in honesty this is just rude and disrespectful. I would message her (so it is written and no chance of confusion) and say something like :
I have heard that X is under the impression she is invited to the wedding, and I want to clarify that there is no place for her and unfortunately we have not provisioned for an extra guest. I did allow her to come to the Hen as, in honesty I was caught off guard at the last minute when you asked if she could come, but that was it, the wedding itself is locked in in terms of guests and I don't want X to feel embarrassed if she comes along when there is no place for her.

I am sorry if there has been a misunderstanding but to clarify, the invitation was for you only and no plus one, which we have previously confirmed. I do feel for X but this is our wedding and she is not on the guest list, so can you please have a conversation with X to explain she cannot attend.
It is not for you to have a conversation with this girl to let her down as you did not invite her. You absolutely can say no, it doesn't mean you are a wedding guest just because she was at your Hen, as you did that to appease your MOH and the situation. It is likely you will get push back, but you need to stay strong and shut it down by saying that is your position on the matter and it is not up for discussion, and you really don't need the stress this close to the wedding so please respect our choice.
I really hope you can get it sorted, do it ASAP or you will make yourself ill worrying. you are perfectly within your rights to say no, it is your day. Good Luck XX
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Dedicated July 2022 Durham
Charlotte · 1 of July of 2022 at 08:54
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Thanks Charlotte xx
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Super July 2022 Surrey
Yorkshirelass · 1 of July of 2022 at 09:52
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Totally agree with Charlotte. Not everyone who comes to the hen gets an automatic invite to the whole wedding, in my case all my hens are coming to the whole day but my FH invited a couple to his stag do who are only coming to the evening do. He invited one guy to the stag who then said " does this mean I can come to the evening do then" so we added him to the evening do and he didn't even turn up on the stag or message to say sorry. Doesn't deserve an evening invite in my opinion and I am tempted to remove him from the numbers, people are so annoying!
I would also say that the table plan for the venue is done and printed and can't be changed (ours is and we are getting married same day as you).
You need to get MOH to explain to this friend but you have no obligation to invite her. Good luck as it is very stressful for that to happen so close to the day.
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Dedicated July 2022 Durham
Charlotte · 1 of July of 2022 at 11:41
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Thanks hun. We arent doing a seating plan or anything like that with it being a ceremony for 34 guests haha. But I'm glad I have people on my side, I thought it was me just turning into bridezilla.......I don't much about her tbh but everytime we in same room I feel awkward, anxious, she flirts with my h2b in front of me and will sometimes ignore me. I've spoke to h2b who feels awkward round her to, but after a long talk I think we've decided to just let her come. But h2b is extremely adamant that she's in know family photos or anything. He also said she'll be removed if she gets too drunk too so. Think we both said it'll be too much stress to explain and may cause arguments so close to the day, h2b mentioned he'll bring it up after the wedding. I'm epileptic so I don't need that worry of trying to remove and whatnot, harsh as it sounds we just embrace the fact she's there and ignore that fact haha. Gosh I sound so harsh. 😖
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VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 1 of July of 2022 at 17:13
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I don't think you're being harsh at all - I've never heard such cheek as inviting someone to another person's wedding!!! She shouldn't even have asked about the hen night.
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Dedicated July 2022 Durham
Charlotte · 1 of July of 2022 at 17:17
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Okay. Thanks for the support everyone xx
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VIP July 2024 Cheshire
Michelle · 2 of July of 2022 at 14:01
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Oh charlotte you do not need this right now i think you need to have h2b and moh both together and tell them how you feel about this women this is your wedding and moh should except your decisions its best to sort as soon as you can thinking of you x💗💗💗💗
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Dedicated July 2022 Durham
Charlotte · 2 of July of 2022 at 14:26
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Thanks Michelle. He's so supportive and he's not sleeping because of it. I woke up last night and he's just sitting there and when I asked him what was wrong, he told me "this friend" is bugging him by ignoring me and flirting with him in front of me, and he didn't want me to think anything was going on. Which kinda made me smile because he honestly didn't realise she was flirting with him at all until I told him at our engagement announcement. He's just the type of bloke that really doesn't see it unless it's pointed out to him....I'm gutted it's now bothering him......I've mentioned it to his mam and she said she's going to sort it all, she didn't realise the situation or would have sorted it a while ago. I'm just extremely lucky that my h2b is very supportive along with his mum.
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VIP July 2024 Cheshire
Michelle · 2 of July of 2022 at 15:36
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Thats not good but i hope that it will be okay its good that mil is supportive wish you both the best x💗 here to listen anytime x
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Dedicated July 2022 Durham
Charlotte · 2 of July of 2022 at 15:37
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Thanks hun xx
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