I've upset a bridesmaid, dont know what to do!

Hmmm - it's a tough one but I think you should probably offer to pay for her alterations. I don't think it's technically right to say you didn't think she needed any - as it didn't do up properly right from the beginning.

You're right, but we made the decision then that the dress would be fine, she would just need to find the right bra.

I think I'm going to have to offer to help her out, but feel guilty that I cant help the other 2

I personally wouldn't pay for their underwear, but I do think in this friend's case you probably should offer to pay for the alterations, or maybe go half each?

If they already agreed to pay for their own shoes then they shouldn't really be moaning about that now.

I hope you get it sorted.

I'd pay for the alterations to be fair. With my girls i got eh dresses only and they got everything else (except gifts like shrugs/pashmina and necklaces) but anything wrong with the dresses I took the bullet for

Bridesmaid issuesvare such a common thing but what people dont seem to realise is that nowadays the honour of being asked to be part of a friend or relatives weddng cimes at a price. The days of the brides parents paying for the enture wedding are gone and so comes the modern bride who is manging a wedding budget. Bridesmaids do need to undestand that thier job is to ease the stress of a bride not add to thier financial strain. If when she tried the dress on you BOTH decided the size was right providing the corect underwear was bought by herself the she should pay for the alterations herselfif you pay for hers and not the others you will be opening up a whole other can of worms and causing conflict between all of your bms

Don't shoot me down, but there is a bit of an elephant in the room. If the dress was 'ok' and just did up without her bra on, could she not maybe try and lose a teency bit of weight and then fit into it. I dont know how long it is until your wedding, (forgot to look for a ticker) but surely if she just had a few water retention pills itd be sorted out in no time, and she'd nor you would have to pay for the alterations.

I think it would be fair to offer to pay for the alterations. It doesn't sound as though an awful lot would be needed so hopefully not too expensive. But first of all, I'd give her a ring and make sure you sort this out by phone, not by text. I definitely don't think you should suggest she loses weight - that would absolutely not help!!

Not always intentional. UK dress sizing is ridiculous and not regulated. so a size 14 in one hop is a size 18 in another. then there's the cut of the dress and the give in the material etc etc. Its a minefield

That's why if you're not buying from a wedding dress shop you should ALWAYS go by measurements, not dress sizes when buying wedding dresses.

I'd pay for the alterations. Can you not check EBay etc as well to see if anyone is selling off a bigger size? You could then sell the one you have to recoup the cost.

Thanks everyone for your comments.

When we first bought the dresses I genuinely didnt think there was a sizing issue, and I obviously wouldnt have bought her a dress that was too small.

Shes one of my closest friends and I dont want her to struggle so I've offered to help her out, as well as the others

I've checked, they do have one on there but its the wrong size

I know where your coming from. I've had THREE dresses for each BM's each the same 'size' (apparently) it can get messy. I even held 2 of the dresses claiming to be size 24 and can clearly see a 2 to 3 inch difference!!!

I just need to clarify that I didnt do this, for myself or my bridesmaids

Hmm I'm not entirely sure what the answer is, although I had to comment on the remark BM2 made that she "can't keep paying for stuff for the wedding". If she was a guest as opposed to a BM then she'd have to fork out for her entire outfit, shoes, accessories etc!

It would be awful to fall out with a good friend over a dress but I totally get that it's the principle...everything had been discussed re, a solution for her dress and she didn't follow it through xx

I'd pay for the alterations in this situation but I would say if they were planning on paying for their own shoes they should be entirely their choice. I'd also say if she has a suitable pair already that she could just wear those.

P.s......can't remember who commented saying they wouldn't be too happy if the bride bought them a dress that only fastens with their bra off. The OP offered a solution to this problem by steering them in the direction of alternative underwear, no reservations appear to have been made about that at the time. But only now, months later and with the dress now discontinued, is the BM making a bigger issue of it and admits she didn't look into buying a more suitable bra. Maybe if she'd been more forthcoming at the time then OP could have attempted to exchange the dress. I think I'm (?) right in saying the thing that's 'getting' to OP is the principle of the situation.

Again, as I said above....I think your friendship may be too valuable to fall out over a dress alteration...I do see your point though x

Good luck, and please give us a flash of your BM dresses xx

Thank you LHMM. I didnt want to come across as a bride who didnt care about her BM's!!

I'm going to help out as much as I can, and hopefully everything will get sorted and everyone is happy Shoe shopping tomorrow. As the dresses are shorter it would look lovely if the shoes all matched, but as they are buying their own I'm aware of the fact they all have different tastes so they will probably get different shoes, which is fine

These are are the dresses

xx

I think you should pay for the alterations, they won't be much I wouldn't have thought.

Ooh that's a beautiful dress, no wonder you snapped them up! Our BM dresses are in this same shade of Dusty Rose although are halter neck and full length. Same central diamanté detailing and 'opening' at the front......almost BM dress twins hehe!!! Ours are corseted at the back, so fingers crossed when they arrive in May they'll only need taken up xx

I encountered my first spot of bother this week, and funnily enough down to outfits too!

Im in ivory, BMs in dusty rose (pink!), and OH and groomsmen in grey kilts. Never ever had myself down as a pink BM kinda girl but we all fell in love with the shade at the shop! So OH and I decided to rule out the more colourful tartans and opt for kilts with both light and dark grey...black shirts...dark grey kilt jackets. OH cravat will be ivory to match my dress, groomsmen and the 2 dads will have pink cravats to match the ladies. OH had mentioned to his dad it's a kilted wedding...nothing mentioned. OH and I had appt at kilt shop this week, spent an hour and a half finalising the colours with the assistants advice and paid for the hire of 7 kilts etc in full, all left to do is a quick visit to the shop for the guys to get measured. OH shows his dad a photo of the outfit on mannequin and he announces he'll not feel comfortable in a kilt (even though he's worn one for his 3 daughters weddings), and was categorically Not wearing pink!!!

So OH has offered to buy him a grey suit, and alternative cravat (we'll lose £35 kilt deposit but can exchange cravat for colours). I'm actually seething inside though as 1...he was told our plans for a kilted wedding but said nothing until deposit paid. 2...he wore a kilt for his daughters but not us. 3....what's wrong with pink?! Grow up, you can take it off after the photos...it's not like we're asking you to wear a pink tutu!!

So, of course me being me, I've not stuck to my guns and said a suit will be fine plus dif cravat...he'll now not look like a 'main player' in our day but that's ok, don't want the hassle.

I'm hoping I'm a bit stronger if someone's unhappy with guest list arrrgh! xx

Corseted backs are the way forward, you shouldnt have too many issues. Do you have a picture of yours?

Ah what a pain re the kilts!! Its so easy to get caught up in the details, but I just think its easier sometimes to go with the flow! At the end of the day, will it make a massive difference if my BM's are in different shoes, or if your OH's Dad is in a suit and not a kilt? At the end of the day, we are marrying the men we love, and nothing else really matters does it? I just want everyone to be happy and enjoy the day

xx

Exactly, that's why I've just let it go

I'll post a wee pic of the dress from the website although it's in red....ours are the Dusty Rose (official name for pink ha!) xx

Sophia Tolli, although ours is pink xx sorry if this is huge!!! X

Just remembered I had these wee piccs of one of my BMs...dress too big for her at bust and not wearing heels but gives you a good idea!! Kinda similar, eh?! xx

Very similar, they're beautiful!!!

It's a tough one, the last thing you want is a bridesmaid who isn't happy. Maybe you could explain to the other two that she is struggling to fork out, and you are too..and would they be mad if you helped her out as best you can. If the other two were happy to pay in the first place then it shouldn't be an issue...at the end of the day they are your best friends. If you can't be honest and upfront with them then who can you be?

ive had a similar situation where I've paid for alterations, even buying an extra dress to use for material to add sleeves. But as the dresses are backless and they both have massive back tattoos..they want a shrug or pashmina. I've said I'm not willing to cover the cost of that but more than happy for them to buy (as long as it's off indoors and for the pics). Not sure how that went down but hey...

Your BM dresses are beautiful!! I love the colour!

It is a tough one, maybe while your shoe shopping tomorrow your BM could also try on alternative bras that might make a difference to the fit of the dress? Not sure about the price of alterations but this may work out cheaper if you decide to cover the cost? She is obviously a close friend that you do not want to upset. Possibly, her comment about paying for things may have come out more abrupt than intended via text than it would have face to face. Good luck and enjoy shoe shopping!

Pay for the alterations. Tell her to keep schtum as you cant afford to pay for everyone. Nobody's any the wiser.
You're paying for 7 kilt hires but not the alterations or shoes of your Bridesmaids?
I'm afraid I dont see why bm's should be out of pocket for doing you a favour. The dress wasnt fitting well from day one.

I think you've done the right thing offering to pay for alteations. If I was a bridesmaid I wouldn't expect to have to pay for alterations, although she should have said earlier.

When I was a bridesmaid I wore debenhams blush coloured shoes and they weren't expensive. I can't find them on the debenhams website but they have a couple of blush options:

http://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_050010270104_-1

http://www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_050010272404_-1

Hi, I would pay for her alterations. This is the reason why I only had 1 bridesmaid, cost factor! Ideally she should pay for her own underwear though as you can't buy everything. I am buying my bridesmaid dress, shoes, accessories and hair on the day xx

Not sure on costs versus alterations but if the size issue is just in the boob area then why not try those stick on silicone pads? I'm not sure what they are called but they provide uplift and support like a bra but essentially only cover the front part of the boob so wouldn't take up space in the back of the dress but enough padding and support to minimise the baggy ness from being totally bra less. I think they do them in lingerie dept of debenhams etc and might be cheaper or easier than alterations. Might also make your BM feel better about the situation

good luck

Tiny-Tiggs........I think you're confusing me with the OP?

Its me who mentioned kilt hire for 7. 4 BMs and we're paying for everything. ..full outfit, accessories, alterations, hair & make up.

xx