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Beginner February 2023 Nottinghamshire

mob Veil Disagreement

Hannah, 7 August, 2022 at 21:44 Posted on Wedding Attire 0 6

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So I am struggling to find any thread/forum with this problem so thought I would share here.

I am debating having a veil for my wedding and have found a new type (cape veil) which i like more than the combs. A big thing for me was the way it felt in my hair. Having a cape veil sorts that out.
I like it but my mother does not. She doesn’t like veils anyway and is trying hard to enforce me not having one. She doesnt give a reason why but she doesnt like them and thats the end. I told her about the veil i found and was excited and put the dress on to show her how it works.
She said it was disgusting. She said it covers the dress and she despises it. She has told me in not so many choice words it ruins my look for the day. How do i get around this situation? I have tried to remind her that it is my day and its how i want to look but continues to feel like her opinion is the only one that matters. Really struggling to navigate this and dont want to keep falling out with her before the wedding.

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6 replies

Latest activity by Lucy, 9 August, 2022 at 12:22

Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 7 August, 2022 at 22:37
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Your mother's behaviour sounds very extreme - I understand someone not liking veils (I'm not a fan myself!) but to call it 'disgusting' and to say she 'despises it' sounds frankly unbalanced.
It sounds as if you are confident in how it looks and you like it. So it comes down to how much you want to wear it versus how much hassle you are prepared to deal with from your mother!
If you decide to go ahead with it, I would be very blunt "Mum, I know you don't like this veil, but I love it, and it's important to me that I look the way I want to on my wedding day. So please don't say anything else negative about it." And if she ignores you, you reinforce that boundary by either hanging up or walking out.
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VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
Charlotte · 8 August, 2022 at 08:48
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I had a few moments like this with my mum about certain things and is upsetting as you want your mum to be happy but ultimately it is your day. As above, you need to tell her it is your choice, she doesn't have to like it but she needs to accept your decision. I had to also remind my mum that elements of our wedding where not to become a discussion point a si also found she had been bitxhing to other family members and they knew about things that we wanted to keep secret so may be worth saying that as well. Is really hard but you do what you want for your wedding x
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VIP July 2024 Cheshire
Michelle · 8 August, 2022 at 10:43
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Its hard when you want something and others arent on same page. As you but its you who is getting married so go for it you need to remind her its you who likes it and will be wearing it because its what you want x💗
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Expert July 2023 Cornwall
Anonbride · 8 August, 2022 at 16:12
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Agree with the above comments. I'd actually go one step further and not entertain any more outfit discussions with her - she sees you on the day in what you've chosen and that's that!
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East London
Watergirl · 9 August, 2022 at 09:53
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Capes are great! I went without a veil but I think capes look cool.
You mum's attitude sounds very difficult to deal with, I'm sorry. It's probably not remotely about the veil / cape, and just about her being difficult. You could probably pick anything and she still would make a fuss.
Your only way forward is to stop hoping to please her and choose what you like.
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Savvy September 2022 Hampshire
Lucy · 9 August, 2022 at 12:22
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I agree with others. This is YOUR day so you wear what you want. Don’t discuss it any further with her and she can see you on the day. Just remember that you won’t be wearing it all day necessarily. You may just have it on for the vows and pictures and then take it off for the meal and evening so it will keep your mother a little happy 😉
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