Monster Mother In Law!

Sorry if this is a long post, I’m not even sure where to start!


So my fiancé and I have been together for over 6 years and when we started dating it took him over a year to even introduce me to his family, simply saying ‘you don’t know what they’re like’. I’m very shy and reserved around people that I don’t know due to dealing with anxiety and panic attacks for years, however I also love with my whole heart and would do absolutely anything for anyone! My MIL is very loud, in your face and viscous, our families couldn’t be more different! I could tell she didn’t like me from day 1 from her very frosty greeting and the fact that she couldn’t be bothered to talk to me or make me feel welcome when I was very clearly shy and uncomfortable.
Myself, my mum and my fiancé attended his nans birthday party at his mums house and literally nobody spoke to me or my mum, other than 1 conversation his mums best friend had with me in front of everyone about the girls my fiancé had previously slept with on holiday, girls in his past and how I clearly don’t know him at all! His mum walked out to the kitchen where everyone in his family followed and unknown to me at the time she was threatening how she wanted to punch me in the face. We left shortly after this as it was so uncomfortable.
After this party she said that we needed to talk, so the two of us sat in her living room on the day of me and fiancé moving in together (which is supposed to be a happy day) where she told me nobody likes me, I will never fit into their family, my fiancé will leave me and her door will be wide open when he does, she doesn’t believe in anxiety and mental health, that everything I say is rubbish and how everyone keeps asking her if she was going to hit me there and then. I walked out in floods of tears, ran straight past my fiancé, got into my car and drove away whilst having the worst panic attack of my life, unable to breathe, unable to see through my tears, unable to feel my hands and feet and driving over 100mph down the motorway. I was so lucky I didn’t crash! She then tells her son that he needs to pick between me or the family and that she will disown him if he picks me.
He was obviously distraught and ran away for a few days (he was very much a mummy’s boy back then) but decided to pick me and we moved in together as planned. She didn’t speak to him for months and wrote him out of her will. They started to speak again a while later, nothing was mentioned, no apology to him, but he just wanted a quiet life. I didn’t speak to her or see her for 3 years.
3 years later we all decided to draw a line under the past and start fresh and for a little while things were looking promising! Until we tried meeting up and getting closer to my fiancé’s brother and his girlfriend. Now I’ve come to realise that the reason my MIL loves her so much is because they are exactly the same! She is so two faced and twisted, she puts everyone down trying to show that she is better than everyone else and loved by everyone (which isn’t actually true). She deliberately lied and turned 2 of our friends against us and then tried lying about what my fiancé apparently said about me to her on a seperate occasion. I’d had enough and we wanted nothing more to do with her and so I told my in laws that although I respect them unfortunately I can no longer have a relationship with the SIL because of what happened and I hope it doesn’t affect things with us. It did. She turned my MIL against me again who got involved with a situation that had nothing to do with her, took her side without even speaking to me about it and said that she is done with me!
My fiancé went through a very difficult patch in the lead up to Christmas where he had thoughts of not wanting to be alive anymore because of the way his family are, he has admitted in the past how he wishes every single day that his family were ‘normal’ like mine and it breaks my heart! I pleaded with him to open up to his mum as they are both terrible at communicating so he did, and when he admitted how low he is she ran out of the room crying but never said anything and never did anything! Thankfully he is in a better place now with love and support from me and my family but I can only imagine how hard this must be for him.
We’re now planning our wedding and for my fiances sake I said that I am happy to invite his parents to the wedding as at the end of the day they’re still his family and I am such a family person I couldn’t imagine not having my parents there. He has asked his mum and she instantly said no she will not be there! Luckily his dad and brother are attending, but we’re not inviting the SIL. This is the second time his mum has put her own happiness before her sons and I am just truly disgusted by the way she has treated him. The fact that she can’t even fake a smile for 1 day just to make him happy is insane to me.
I truly don’t know where to go from here, I’m so angry, so hurt and just confused what to do. Everyone is telling me to draw the line and forget her now which I know I should do but I keep seeing our wedding day in my head without her there and although this is easier for me it’s going to be devastating for my fiancé and I don’t want him to go through that, it’s the biggest day of our lives and he doesn’t deserve any of this.
Does anyone have any advice on toxic in laws? I’ve never dealt with people like this before, I’ve been so lucky to be surrounded with genuine, positive and caring people. My MIL has admitted to being a bully and using peoples weaknesses against them and I just don’t know how to deal with that other than cutting her off for good.