MOTHER OF THE GROOM HAS BROUGHT A CREAM DRESS BY THE SAME DESIGNER

Reading the previous posts I think I'm probably alone in my opinion, but, I honestly don't think it matters. From the flash of the dress your mum has chosen, it isn't remotely bridal. So really all you have is an excited mother of the Groom wanting to look her best and choosing a colour that will look great in photos with the rest of the bridal party. She is the MOG not just a regular guest and the deserves to shine a little and I don't think there's any way she will upstage the bride.

Just my 2 cents for what it's worth. But the truth of the matter is it's YOUR wedding, and if it matters to YOU (and your bride) then it matters. Regardless of whether anyone else thinks it should matter.

I think your Mum's outfit is lovely - like MrsB2015, I think she'll have got excited, perhaps not realised it came in other colours and went with it. My MIL is wearing a cream dress as well (it has a black stripe so not quite the same) and she only realised after the fact that it might be a bit of an issue. I don't mind at all, she's going to look lovely, and no one is going to mistake her for the bride.

You should definitely speak to your fiancée about your fears though, and if she is still upset then speak to your Mum.

Regarding Jamie-Lyn Spears' Mum - now that is an issue, that could quite clearly be mistaken for a wedding dress! ?

I don't think it's that people will mistake her for the bride, is it? More that people know it's considered inappropriate to wear white (ivory, whatever) to a wedding and they'll perceive it as the groom's mother trying to upstage the bride or implying that she somehow doesn't like or approve of the bride. As many others have said, it doesn't seem like this is the case but I think that's how it may look.

My thoughts exactly. It is a lovely dress and l am sure your mother wasn't thinking and it was a genuine accident. But l don't think it is appropriate for her to wear it as the mother of the groom.

Thanks to everyone for your replies and comments on this. I really appreciate it! It is humbling that strangers will take time out of their day to help you out with an issue and offer advice on a situation that's got you in a pickle. I may frequent forums for advice more often!!!

My resolution is to address this with my mother when I visit this weekend.

I'm going to approach it with concern for:

1) (and foremost) my fiancée feelings

2) For my mothers reputation and the comments and how she may look on the day

3) From a point of view of two families joining together (my fiancée is Spanish so it's the first time most of the two families will meet) and that this could set the wrong stage for the future relationship if interpreted in the way I am concerned about (upstaging the bride/ not approving of the marriage etc)

I hope this will take the pressure off my mother and fiancée's relationship as I give my concerns from an outsiders and family perspective as well as the brides. The solution is that I will pay for my mothers dress as a present but to wear on another occasion therefore covering her expenditure and allowing her to purchase an equally nice but more appropriate dress. (credit card to the ready).

I will also suggest that our conversation never took place and that SHE came to the conclusion that she had got carried away in buying the dress but on reflection realised that it would not be appropriate and therefore is going to get another. This will restore her in my Fiancée eyes and hopefully no awkward grudge will be held.

So that is the master plan! Thank you again for everyone who has contributed and helped me feel confident that this is the correct thing to do. Any comments or suggestions are still more than welcome and appreciated.

What a lovely fiancée and son you are. I think you have made a great decision for all concerned and I hope the conversation goes well for you.

Good Luck!

I think that's a great solution and saying that it was your mother that came to the decision is a great idea. I hope it goes well, please come back and let us know how you get on. Weddings are a minefield!

Thirded on the what a lovely and considerate man you are thoughts. You're clearly a diplomat in the making!

Sounds perfect, hope it all goes to plan. Let us know how it goes and feel free to join in on here about your other plans too

That sounds like an ideal approach. You sound like you really have gone to a lot of effort to consider relationships and other people's feelings. Hope it all goes well and good luck for the rest of your planning. I'm sure you and your fiancee will have the perfect wedding day. x

I like the solution - I hope you come back and let us know how it went!

I totally agree with this. I think the outfit the MOG has chosen is beautiful and would be more than happy if my MIL made this kind of effort. Instead mine has a rather hideous aztec print cardigan, floral top and, as yet, nothing for her bottom half. She will more than likely wear it with her crocs

I think your mothers dress is beautiful. It's classic and not at all in your face. Honestly if my mum or mother in law did this I really don't think it would have crossed my mind. Especially if it was my mum as the pictures we had together would look so nice.

I think I might be abit miffed that it was the same designer but only becoz I had saved up and it felt even more special for that reason. Maybe your mum could jazz it up with another colour. Maybe black or navy shoes, bag, jewlery. A little splash of colour in the hair or something.

Dont get me wrong I can understand your fiancé being upset and you can't change that but if I was a guest at your wedding I certainly wouldn't have picked up on it as an issue. I doNt think I would have even noticed.

I think I would have more of a problem if it was someone my age or similar wearing something ivory. Like your sister, her sister. Friends girlfriends etc. that could deffo come across as stealing the lime light x

Personally I think the dress chosen is really beautiful. I would be really proud of my mom to look stunning in that.

As long as none of my guests-family or not turnnup in a wedding dress and veil, the I couldnt give 2 hoots what they wear as long as its style appropriate x

Hope you let us know how it goes the weekend x

This!

Everyone knows not to wear white or cream to a wedding. Also your wife-to-be asked for the mums to wear blue. Both of you together should talk to your Mum.

Why on earth have you bumped a year old thread? The OP is probably married by now.

Haha read this whole thing and didn't even notice it was a year out of date! ..

On another note, i didn't even know this was a "thing" ... mental note never to wear white/ivory/cream at weddings .. not that its likely lol

Lol, started reading this and then remembered to look at the date. Ffs. Smurfette, definitely a thing! I have a whitish dress with coloured flowers for H's best friends wedding and even then I'm worried I'm pushing it a little

Ah, we've had this discussion lots of times (I recall another time was when holly Willoughby wore a cream dress to fearne cotton's wedding). Some people are always of the opinion that it doesn't matter cos "nobody will mistake you for the bride", but I always think that's not really the point. It's a question of etiquette. I hope the OP and his W2B and mum worked it out! Also it always makes me sad to see posts by aluvbug and her sig still counting down to the wedding that never was. Hope she's doing okay too.

that is very mother of the bride maybe it could be accessorized with a colour but I would let it go, it's not a long wedding dress style

Oops looked at the date and still didn't clock the year!

Aww, bless her, I'm not sure I saw what happened.

I'd have been happy for my mum to wear that tbh, although maybe not mog, but she wasn't invited anyway! I actually think its worse if a guest turns up in a bridesmaid dress or something

This is what my SIL is doing to mine! She told me what she's bought, BM dress in same colour (albeit not exact style) as BMs with same colour shoes. She is a regular guest, not a BM. Gobsmacked is the word. But whatever, she wont be in the BM photos or any group shots except the whole family one. I've become quite accustomed to brushing over stuff she does!

Hi all,

The recent posts popped into my inbox so I thought I would return and give the update that I never got around to doing. Thank you for all the comments.

I did make my mum aware that the dress has upset my wife. She was devastated, it was an honest mistake and she went straight out and got another dress.

Both my wife and I could tell that she did't like it as much when she showed us it... it just wasn't as nice but it was the best she could find given how close we were to the wedding.

In an odd run of events, my wife insisted my mum to wear the original which she did and then wore the other one for other peoples weddings.

It all sounds silly because she ended up wearing the dress but it was so obvious that it was an honest mistake and now my wife and mum get on really well so I am more than happy.

We are now happily married, buying our first house together and expecting a Baby Boy this August.

Life is good - thank you all for your comments & support

The Groom

X

Aww that's lovely, thanks fot the update, glad everything went well in the end.

I've commited this crime and wore white to a wedding before (didn't know it was a thing). It was a cotton summer dress though and I've seen lots of similar dresses worn at weddings.

I did wonder why this popped up again but I have just seen your update. Congratulations!!! It's fantastic all was resolved and I wish you all the best for your future as a family

Aww, that's great news! Glad you got it all resolved, and lovely to hear that you're happily married with a little one on the way!

I would say that if its a summer wedding, light colours, creams, ivory, whites - they are all going to be in fashion/in the shops! Unless you go with MOB MOG then just going to have to be happy with what they pick.

I told my mum that if it made her happy and she was comfortable and completely in love with an outfit, what ever colour, I would be happy to stand with her in it!

Add a pop of colour, via hat, shoes, accessories, bag I would suggest, don't dye it! It will ruin the pattern!

In my eyes it is the brides big day and she should be the only one in white/ivory. However, have you thought about a coloured jacket/wrap with matching accessories to go over the top and break up the block white? X

Oh god just read how old this is!! ?

I can see both sides here. The photo you show of Mum's outfit is very obviously from the Mother of the Bride/Groom range of that particular designer and doesn't resemble a wedding dress in any shape or form. I've been to many weddings where the MOB has worn ivory/cream/white and no-one has batted an eyelid. It seems to be something that has become a big deal over the last few years.

I wore an ivory dress for my daughter''s wedding (albeit with a black and ivory bolero jacket ) Our daughter actually asked me to get ivory because she knows it's a colour that suits me well. It's a difficult situation but I'm sure it won't have any repercussions on the day. Would the Bride be happier if she changed the accessories to another colour i.e., black or red?

People! Read the updates. This thread is a year old and the OP is married now.