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M
Beginner May 2022 Bristol

Mother of the groom wants to wear white

Molly, 18 March, 2022 at 19:26 Posted on Wedding Attire 0 17
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My future MIL showed me her dress for the wedding after originally saying I wasn’t allowed to see (I didn’t ask) out of the blue she showed me two options.


The first option was a pretty pink dress from Phase 8 however she said she felt she looked ‘frumpy’ in it and I said it didn’t look ‘weddingy’ more like ‘day at the races’.
Option 2 was a pretty dress however the top was white while the bottom was like a pink/mauve colour however I mentioned I could only see white at the top. I expressed I was the only one to wear white obviously and I was happy for her to wear pink. We put up in the light and it still looked white, we went outside with her wearing it and still looked white and I took a picture on my phone with and without flash and it still looked white!
I could tell she fell in love with the dress and said she would be wearing a pink jacket to cover it however I said in the evening your going to want to take it off if you get too hot dancing etc She then made a comment saying I wouldn’t be wearing my dress all day anyway! She just assumed I would be changing! Which I’m not and made clear to her that I have paid a lot of money for my dress and getting my money’s worth!! Even if I did change .. it would have been a white dress still … I reasoned with her and we got looking online for another pink lace dress and we found one which she has now ordered however she has said she is still going to order a jacket for the other dress to try.
I don’t want to be that bride that has to tell their future MIL what to wear but I want to be the only one wearing white and I feel bad now that I am wearing white because of her.
Im now worried that on the day she will abruptly change her mind and wear the wrong dress! I understand she needs to be comfortable and happy with what she’s wearing I have just asked her not to have anything involved with white.
Am i being silly and just nervous about it??

17 replies

Latest activity by Lexie, 15 December, 2025 at 08:57
  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Your not being silly you are being very reasonable its obvious who should be in white If she likes the first one do they not have it in a different colour which would work well for both of you xx I do hope you can both sort this out xx💗
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  • xkimx007
    Beginner October 2022 South Yorkshire
    xkimx007 ·
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    It sounds like it comes down to whether it looks like a white dress with a bit of pink/mauve (which I agree would not be ok for her to wear) or whether it looks like a pink/mauve dress with a bit of white (a bit of white isn't quite so much of a wedding guest no-go)

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  • T
    Rockstar May 2022 Oxfordshire
    Tamsin ·
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    You should definitely ask your fiancé to speak to his Mum about this. It’s well understood that only the bride wears white to a wedding, and I’m sure her son’s disapproval will make her think again!
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  • M
    Beginner May 2022 Bristol
    Molly ·
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    Hello! Thank you for replying! So I know she isn’t wearing the first option which was fine and I agreed with that however she does love the second dress which I appreciate however I have asked her not to wear it and so she has ordered another full pink lace dress online so hopefully she loves that one just as much x
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  • M
    Beginner May 2022 Bristol
    Molly ·
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    It’s a lot of white on the top, the bottom is fine because it’s a mauve colour and I said it’s a shame the dress isn’t all one colour. I did mention about the photos as I took a couple of test shots on my phone that it looks white and I mean it’s proper white so she will instantly stand out and I’m definitely not trying to be selfish.


    I wouldn’t have minded if it was a tiny tiny bit white but because it’s the whole top half of the dress it looks very bright and I just feel a little overshadowed x
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Oh molly i hope she does like this one at the end of the day your the only one in white she will have to just like it xx 💗hope it goes well x💗
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    It's your wedding & your rules, so if you want to say 'no white' then that's fine. But I probably wouldn't worry too much about it if she does turn up in it, since the bottom half is coloured, and most formal pictures are going to be full length AND earlier in the day when she will have her jacket on, so it doesn't sound like it will stand out as white in the pictures.

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  • R
    Beginner June 2022 Greater Manchester
    RomanticOrangeDecor531 ·
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    I think you’re worrying about nothing and being rather bridezilla-ish. Whatever your mother in law wears she’s not going to outshine the bride.
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Definately not bridezilla its totally understandable you feeling like this you will still stand out but its the white thing that matters x💗
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  • M
    Beginner May 2022 Bristol
    Molly ·
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    She may not outshine myself however I think I would feel comfortable if she didn’t wear white and I hope as a bride to be most other brides would sympathise.. it was a shock seeing the dress however I said it in a respectful way and helped her pick out another dress but in that moment I had no idea what to say or think it was just a very strange position to be in.
    I feel gutted that I’ve come across as a bridezilla however I only plan to get married once and just hope she makes the right choice.
    I never said the word no to her I just said it may clash with me colour wise and you know what even the pattern was similar to that of my dress so I said let’s sit down have a coffee and look at something else and she found something she seemed to like.

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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Dont 💡 your a bridezilla when your not its totally understandable xx If you wetent weraing white and was going for a dark colour dress then yes but not if your wearing whitte xx💗
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    'even the pattern was similar to that of my dress'.

    If you're having a white dress with a pattern on it than I can understand your concern that you will look too similar. I understood from your first post that your dress was all white, in which case, a dress with a white & pink skirt, white top and pink jacket would look very different. But if yours is white with a coloured pattern too, then it could look odd if you are standing next to each other.

    Do bear in mind though that it is quite common for wedding guests to wear dresses with a white or pale coloured background overlaid by a pattern, so you may still end up with someone dressed similarly to you. That is the risk of moving away from a non-traditional wedding dress - it increases the chances of a guest turning up with something similar on.

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  • A
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
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    Howwww do so many MIL's not get that white is a no go at a wedding?!

    I'd be tempted to say something like "It's such a shame as the dress is beautiful, but it just looks white. I'd really love to be the only person wearing white on my wedding day and I hope you can respect that. Also, as tradition goes, the groom's mother wearing white to the wedding means that she disapproves of the marriage - I'd hate for our guests to think that's how you felt!" (might panic her out of wearing it if she thinks she's gonna be met with death stares haha)

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  • Pinkcoffee22
    Dedicated April 2022 Staffordshire
    Pinkcoffee22 ·
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    Well, as some of the ladies here know, my MOG chose and bought an ivory dress to wear to our wedding. She was told no (very very nicely, I might add) and then, when she argued it back and forth, was told no in no uncertain terms by my fiancé. She has since thrown her toys out of the pram and won’t be attending our wedding.


    Not a single ounce of me thinks you’re being a bridezilla. Nobody should even think of wearing white or ivory to your day—and it certainly shouldn’t be a case of having to put it up to the light or looking at it outside to see if it’s too white! If it looks white, surely it’s a no considering you don’t want anyone wearing white.
    Sigh.
    I’m 100% with you so hold firm. Xxx
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  • M
    Beginner May 2022 Bristol
    Molly ·
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    Thank you for all replying, I really really appreciate it
    I’m so glad she showed me because I would’ve been quite upset on the day Smiley sad and we do get on (sometimes) so at least we got to have a little bonding session and look for another dress.

    Good news is, she has found another and loves it, as do I actually she looks lovely and we’ve picked out shoes and a fascinator etc
    My mum wouldn’t dare wear white and neither would any of our bridal party and I only plan on getting married once so just for the day I wanted to wear white and hopefully now I will be
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Hi molly so glad you both sorted this out and she could see your point and you both like what she picked xx💗 glad it went well
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  • Lexie
    Rockstar December 2025 Jiangsu
    Lexie ·
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    You’re not silly at all—it’s totally reasonable to want to be the only one in white on your wedding day. She already ordered the pink lace dress, which is a win. Just check in casually closer to the date, mention how excited you are to see her in the new one, and it’ll gently reinforce the plan. No need to feel guilty!

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