mums boyfriend invite or not

I think its extremely selfish of your mother to have said that to you in the first instance. Its still a difficult one, as although it has been tough on your Dad, people do break up and move on in relationships and your mother is entitled to have found happiness. I would speak to your mom and say that you are hurt by her comments and see where you go from there.

My answer is going to sound harsh. Beware! If it was my mother I would just tell her straight that she should be thinking of you, as it's YOUR day not hers. Surely she can see even though she may be happy with her new partner, the way in which she left her family home last year has obviously hurt a lot people including you and your father . You want to have a stress free day and if they are both there you'll just worry about what everyone else is doing/thinking. You say this all happened when you had your baby? Was she there for you at that time, or was she too caught up in her own dilemma ? If so I would remind her that parents are supposed to be there for their children and if she doesn't come to your wedding then it's up to her but it wouldn't be the first she has let you down.

I want to hear what you all think to see if im the one in the wrong, she has a way of making you think your in the wrong.

when i had my baby she was there while i was in hospital for 3 days. then left with her new guy to live in Tamworth near Birmingham, when i came out i didn't know she was going, she didn't even say goodbye, she left a letter saying sorry.

thanks for your advice, i know if i talk to her she will go of on one, so maybe i will write her a letter instead.

What a horrid dilemma to be in, I do sympathise. You obviously want both your parents to be there and for them both to be happy so it's very tricky. I imagine it would upset your Dad more if your Mum was there with her boyfriend than it would upset your Mum if she was there without him. I'd feel very let down if my Mum put her new boyfriend who she's only know for a year (or less) before me on the biggest day of my life, after all, you've been her daughter for x number of years and her priorities should like with you. Although it would upset me hugely, I personally would say to her that if she can't be there for me and put me and my feelings first on my big day then I'd rather she didn't come. What if this fella didn't stick around for long or they broke up after the wedding (I know you can't assume they will), she'll look back and realise how selfish and stupid she was and regret it for the rest of her life if she didn't come.

I'd tell her that she can't bring her fella and that if she doesn't like it she can f. off!

She's already put a downer on the birth of yor child, don't let her do the same with your wedding.

WSS But then, I have already cut my brother, his wife & kids out of my life so perhaps I'm not the best person to comment! At the end of the day, who will miss out the most if your mum isn't there? You or your mum? Or is your mum just trying to pressure you into inviting her new man by saying she won't attend unless he gets an invite? Families, who'd have them! (((hugs)))

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. My mum often plays the guilt trip card too and when we argue I can never put my point across because she turns everything back on me, and it's always poor her. So I think you may be right with a letter if you think that it will convey all your thoughts without having to battle with someone who is going to be stubborn. You just need to remind her that it is your special day and you want her there with you, and for everyone to enjoy themselves. Tell her she can't bring the other guy along because it would be uncomfortable for your dad and make you miserable. Try a little guilt tripping of your own. As a mother, should she not want happiness for you...hence don't bring him!

Personally, I'd tell her to bog off.

I feel so lucky that my family are all together and like each other. but if either of my parents (or anyone else for that matter) had made demands like that, I'd tell them to take a hike because they should be adult enough to want to put your wishes ahead of their own for your special day.

Agree with what everyone else has said - You're most certainly not in the wrong at all, and if it were me in that situation I'd be telling her to get her priorities right.

Really hope it all gets sorted for you.

Thanks everyone. im seeing her in 2 weeks, shes going to look after my son for a few nights. so i will chat with her then or leave her a letter!

It makes me sad, as before she left she was my best friend and i wouldn't know what to do without her around. now she just does my head in as its all about her great new life in Tamworth!

oh well, hoping it gets sorted very soon!

fingers crossed x