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T
Beginner July 2022 Norfolk

My hen party is my idea of hell

Trudy, 12 June, 2022 at 23:11 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 10
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So I am getting married in 6 weeks time, and in 3 weeks time my so called "friends" have decided to take it upon themselves to organise a hen party for me. When I say friends, they are people I socialise with in the pub and have a laugh when we go out, but recently they have been very withdrawn and have said I am boring as I've cut down my drinking and what's the point in socialing if you don't get drunk.


I don't want a hen do, and I've found out from someone who is invited but isn't going that thehave organised a big piss up in a pub I absolutely hate and won't go into anymore, I'm going to be bombarded with blow up Willie's and other tacky decorations, expected to get drunk and a karaoke. It is my idea of hell as I can't stand any of those things. I'm 46, not 18 on a weekend bender.
They have not asked me who I want to invite and a couple of people who are coming aren't even invited to the wedding.
I am absolutely fuming, as they have organised a night getting drunk down the pub which is all about them and without any consideration about me. This is a group of ladies aged 41 to 56 btw so it's pathetic and just childish.
I am eloping with my fiance so I don't have moh or bm, and we are having a party for everyone when we return. It's kind of them, I guess to try and organise something, but I am already dreading it and I know I'll just walk out if I hate it 😞

10 replies

Latest activity by Sean, 23 November, 2025 at 11:19
  • C
    Curious October 2023 Bristol
    Clare ·
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    It's a nice guester in a way but as you say all seems to be about them. Are you able to have a conversation with them to say, you know about it, you're not keen on what they've organised but maybe you can suggest an alternative, even if it's just sjmply change it to a pub you do like?
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    My pet bugbear is people who organise surprise birthday parties/anniversary parties/hen nights etc with no regard for the wishes of the people they are supposed to be 'celebrating'.

    They know you don't enjoy this kind of evening, yet they are still doing it. That is NOT kind - it is really selfish of them. Don't go.

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  • C
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    I would find out the date and organise something else and then politely decline. They can still go out and get drunk if they want is in honesty that is what it is about, not you, they have not considered your wants in any of this. the fact they have said you are boring (which you are not) due to drinking and then did this, quite frankly is rude and i wouldn't want to spend time with them. If you are feeling brave message the organiser and say you have heard of what they are organising and you are really upset as it is not what you want, nor did you ask for it so you wont be coming, this is likely to cause fall out, but in honesty are they really friends when they are behaving like this? wishing you luck,. but stick to what you want

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  • Leanne
    Dedicated September 2022 West Yorkshire
    Leanne ·
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    Oh i hear you !


    I have been called a control freak as i have refused to have any of the L plates willy straws and such like!
    It is your hendoo and it should be a little of something you want so get them told 😁

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  • RomanticGreenCars31713
    Beginner December 2021
    RomanticGreenCars31713 ·
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    Best thing you can do is be honest with them, tell them you don't fancy it and thank them for the effort...

    Wish I stood my ground with my hen do, instead I have regrets about missing out on what I really wanted to do.

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  • T
    Beginner July 2022 Norfolk
    Trudy ·
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    Thank you everyone for your kind words. I thought I was being a bit of a miserable prood, but as you have all said, they are doing it for themselves and tbh if they didn't come to the reception I really wouldn't lose any sleep over it. Oh the Joy's of wedding planning. This is my 2nd marriage and still doesn't get easier 🤣
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Hi hun thus would be idea of hell also thats why were eloping wasnt telling anyone but friends found out so we dont talk anymore but thats what they would have planned the willies the sash and probably a stripper im 43 not 18 if i want a stripper i have b2b to strip for me xx💗 Talk to them tell then your not happy with the planning and would rather do a quiet day thing which is more you i know its me so do you x💗
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  • T
    Beginner July 2022 Norfolk
    Trudy ·
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    So over the weekend I have had a complete meltdown over this stupid hen party.


    On Saturday evening myself, my fiance and a few of his mates were having a couple of drinks and a chat in our local pub, when lo and behold a hen party walks in. One of the ladies coming to my hen party is also getting married 4 weeks after me, and everyone who is organising mine had taken her out for the day, nice meal in one of my favourite restaurants ironically and plastered all over Facebook the next day.
    I was so upset that they didn't invite me, and that they have gone out of there way to make sure she had the perfect day doing what she wanted, and I get told ill get what I'm given.
    My fiance and his friends were fuming on my behalf as they could physically see I was holding back the tears. I'm at the point now I am going to tell them to cancel it 😞
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    How awful just tell them straight you not doing it its not you and if they want to organise it they will do what you want not them if not is there family and close friends you could ask for a quiet day out for tea which is what you want x💗 thinking of you x
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  • Sean
    Curious December 2028 East Central London
    Sean ·
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    It sounds really frustrating when people plan something that reflects their own habits instead of what you’re actually comfortable with, especially at a time when you’re already juggling wedding stress and practical things like sorting out pet transport. You deserve a celebration that feels like yours, not something that makes you want to walk out.

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