Nervous about what my finances family will think

Hi, as has been discussed so many times on here, families r one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning! Is what ur wearing meant to be a surprise to anyone? Obviously u have discussed it with ur partner so he is at least aware to an extent of ur outfit. Do u think telling them prior is maybe best? U say they don't know that ur feminine, is that because u don't know them very well or because ur not always openly feminine? Have u tried any dresses out or is it something u might normally do anyway, In terms of getting a feel for it? In my opinion, if it's mentioned prior it may be less stressful on the actual day, though saying that, people may be less likely to say something at the wedding. As it is his side, perhaps he needs to speak to them, seems like we're all doing briefs "anyone willing to cause any trouble, just so u know is out straight away!" That's what the wedding party no.1 job is 😁 good luck!

View quoted message Yeah they definitely are, no it's not meant to be but we weren't planning on telling everyone we are inviting, yeah he is aware of me wearing a dress and yeah we were thinking of telling them so might just do it, it's because I don't know them that well, I normally wear womens clothing occasionally about 1 to 2 times a week, yeah I am probably going to tell them, oh that sounds like a good idea could get him to do that.

First of all, congratulations, and kudos to you to for deciding to wear what *you* want to wear on what is, after all, your day! I have a couple of friends in similar situations who in the end just wore a conventional suit, and now they look back and feel it isn’t “them” and wish they’d done things differently. But hindsight is 20/20 vision right, and it felt very different for them in the moment.


I think perhaps having your partner sew the seeds of expectation is a good option, either by telling people outright or perhaps sharing photos of you together where you’re wearing a dress (assuming you’re comfortable with that, of course). If it’s something you’re very open about and post on socials etc he could share that. You shouldn’t feel like you have to of course, but I think you’d feel less apprehensive on the day if you’re not wondering about it being a surprise for some people.
The other thing I wondered is if you were having a “theme” and if you could play with that at all - Invite your guests to de-gender fashion perhaps! I have seen wedding invites recently that have included a note something along the lines of “our wedding is a safe space for everybody, and we invite our guests to express themselves in any way they see fit. We ask that everyone is mindful and respectful of this, and comes ready to celebrate love and life in all its diverse forms!” That might not be right for you, but maybe it’s an option - it’s definitely a friendly reminder that intolerance isn’t welcome and people should come expecting perhaps something different from the “norm”

This is amazing, you are doing you hun, as you should for your wedding day. I get the nervousness, BUT please remember the day is about the 2 of you and you have to be true to yourselves. I would second the idea of maybe planting the seed pre wedding, I would just tell them you are wearing a dress and rip the band aid off as you don't want to be worrying and allowing it to infiltrate your thoughts on the day and distract you. If they don't accept you for you then is their loss, it may be hard, but it is better to deal with this before the day. Wishing you both the best and you are going to look fabulous

View quoted message Aww thanks so so much, yeah I will remember that, oh ok yeah I could get my boyfriend to put it in his family group chat, oh ok yeah if they don't accept it then I might not let them come to the wedding. Thank you so so much

I think you are both amazing being true to yourselves i wish you both so much happiness x💗

View quoted message Aww thanks so so much that means alot

I love that you are doing your day how you want and I bet you are going to look amazing! Although my initial reaction is that anyone who has an issue can F off and shouldn't even be there...I know that doesn't really help and get why you are feeling a bit of trepidation. I agree with the advice of managing expectations by just casually slipping it in to a general conversation about the wedding. I bet actually it will just make people really excited to see you on the day!

View quoted message Aww thanks so so much that means so much, haha yeah I'm starting to think they can as well lol, oh ok yeah I'm probably going to do that and yeah your probably right

Stay true to you.
If there's particular members of your fiance's family that you know are likely to react (although FFS it's 2022) then maybe he could say fyi this is what we are wearing and if you can't accept that or be kind then don't come.

My opinion is it's about you two. We sacked off some family guests because at the end of the day they don't add value to our life or partnership together.

View quoted message Yeah I'm wearing the dress and bridal shoes no matter what, oh ok yeah he is messaging family in the week to say it, oh ok yeah we were thinking of not letting any unsupportive family come to the wedding

View quoted message Exactly the day is about you two and your life together. If they don't like it then who the f are they anyway 😂 hope you have the happiest of days

View quoted message Haha yeah lol and thanks so much that means alot