Apologies for the anon, but I don't want anyone who could know me and recognise what I'm about to ask to know my usual log-in. Hitched is my sanctuary sometimes and I've had serious grief before when a relative found me on another forum. I also normally use BT more than here, but would really, really appreciate some advice.
My parents split up many years ago, but have never divorced. My father has had an on/off relationship with his girlfriend for about 11 years. The last we heard was that they'd split up again and that my Dad was going on holiday to visit friends abroad for a few weeks. He doesn't keep regular contact so it can be 5 or 6 weeks before either myself or my siblings actually realise we've not heard from him for a while. That is down to his choice, not ours.He has a very chaotic life and often spent time living in his car; he is too proud to accept any "charity" even if that was a bed for a few nights in his son or daughter's home.
Two days ago his partner's nephew rang me to tell me that our Dad was very ill in hospital and had been for more than 3 weeks. He was horrified when he realised that no-one had contacted myself or my siblings to tell us. His Aunt said that we could know when we bothered to contact him; we've never got on with her due to difficulties when they first got together and she's never liked my sister or I in particular.
The issue we have now is that she has told the Doctors to tell us nothing. She is his next of kin and she will make all decisions regarding what we are to know and not know. She has also told us that when the time comes (unfortunately it is a case of when) she will be organising the funeral and we can either go along with it and not go. She is planning many things that we all know he would hate.
Can she do this? The Doctor told me last night that as she is his wife she can do this, but she is not his wife. He is going to try and clarify the situation today as he believed she was his wife. They may have lived as man and wife (although not recently as far as we knew), but he is still technically married to my mother. Surely we, as his children, should be able to speak to the Doctors. We are now, between the 4 of us, making sure there is someone at the hospital 24/7 because we do not trust that anyone would let us know if our own Dad passed away.
Please don't get me wrong we're not the single least bit interested in any money or belongings he may have (which is the accusation we faced last night), we just want to be part of what is going to happen. We also want to ensure that he is buried with our sister as he always, always wanted and not cremated on the basis that it's cheaper.
We're trying to get an appointment with a solicitor, but I'd be very greatful for any help meanwhile. Thank you.
