No speeches, no first dance. Opinions please.

No problemo!

Tis your wedding, do you what you like! There are many things that are traditional in a wedding - ut by traditional means that everyone does it so now it's the expected / the norm. Doesn't mean you have to do it.

I agree its your day so have it your way!

The only thing I would say is everyone does look forward to the speeches especially the best man's speech! Will he be doing 1?x

My sis didn't have any speeches - and they didn't have a disco, so there was no first dance. At a friend's wedding they just started off the first dance for about a minute and then asked a few couples to join them - Me+OH, the bride's brother etc, so it wasn't everyone staring at them - would that be an idea?

Re the speeches, I think that if neither OH or dad want to do them, then why should you? Or another option may be to have them before the dinner?

Like others have said its your wedding so you can choose.

If you dont want to go with out though how about asking your mum to make a speech and the best man, or choose a song for first dance and welcome everyone to join you so its not just the two of you.

I am in exactly the same position, my h2b doesn't want to do the speeches or first dance.

Both of these things are things I really want to do but am willing to compromise on it as it will be our day and we have both got to enjoy it. i am personally more upset about not having the first dance as opposed to the speeches so I May work on h2b on that part (i do have 4 years - so I may get somewhere).

Could you maybe get them to pre-record something so they don't have to do an actual speech on the day? Your OH could put together a photo montage of pics of the two of you, places that are special to you and other random stuff like that, set some music to it and then have it played on a projector screen so all he has to do on the day is say "I hate public speaking so I made this for you instead" and hit play. Your dad could do similar but have baby pictures of you, quotes from famous people about how proud he is of you.

Basically it's anything goes, and the more original the better - I don't think it's necessarily "expected" that speeches will happen, just that something will happen to fill in the gap between sitting down and starting to eat (or to round off the meal if you'd normally have them afterwards).

As far as the first dance is concerned just ask the BM and MOH to go along with you after the first 10 seconds.

Thanks all. This is what I was trying to say to him.

I think it'll have to be no speeches at all rather than just the BM. This is because the BM is OH's 12 year old son and OH is already feeling embarrassed that his son is keen to do a speech and he's not.

I think the dance I can get round. I can ask my bridesmaids to join us from the start with their other halves and one of the ushers with his other half. Perhaps we could have a 'bridal party first dance'. I've also said we could have a couple of dance lessons too.

Think i'll see how that idea goes down.

Thanks all

A wedding doesn't have to have speeches or a first dance - don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to - it's your day!

AlmostMrsP - what a great idea! I'll run this past him too. That way, there won't be any 'why didn't you have speeches'/'when are the speeches' questions it'll just look like we've tried to do something different.

I knew this was the place to come for advice haha. You are all wonderful.

I am in the same situation! My H2B is a really outgoing bloke but really doesn't want to have the whole speeches thing and first dance. We get married in 14 weeks so haven't got much time if i'm to persuade him! Personally I'm not too bothered about it as I have a family situation going on (my dad will be there but as I don't really know him very well, he won't be doing a speech... long story).

Im not having a first dance or speaches !

its my day , if no one likes it its tough!

do what makes you feel happy not what will make others happy!

the way i see it i always go out of myway to make other people happy first , for one day its all about me & my partner !

We now have a much happier groom. He's is much happier about a wedding party first dance so that's what we're going for.

I also ran the idea about a photo speech past him and he thinks he might try and combine a normal speech with this so he speaks for a bit but nothing too much.

Thanks for all your help!

I'm also dreading the first dance so I know how he feels! I do think it'd be a shame to deny his son the opportunity to do a speech though if he's already looking foward to it. Would you consider saying anything yourself? I think it's more important that your H does the thanks than a big gushy speech - could he just run through them and do a combo of that and the photos?

Its your wedding so have it your way not how or what you think others expect, its quite traditional to be very un-traditional these days!! x

Your day, Your way is my motto. I suppose it depends on how formal the rest of the reception is as this can often determine how much you stick to the 'norm'. However if you and the OH are happy with what you decide then thats enough, too many people can get involved offering their opinions especially if other people are paying as well.

The day should be about pleasing you and the OH. Hope you get what you both want.

Hello Sunshine - Both OH & I agree that it's not fair to not let his son do a speech as he wants to. That kind of means OH has to because he won't want it to be a case of his 12 year old son can but he can't. He's said he's going to keep it brief and we'll do them before dinner to get it out the way.

MsJackson78 - It's not going to be too formal. We're not having a traditional top table (family issues) so its just me & OH and his son and daughter. we've asked the venue to try to keep things relaxed.

What abou having the first dance as FAMILY ONLY and doing speeches but only the best man, bm etc do speechs...

no one has to do anything they dont want to on their wedding day

xx

We didn't have speeches or a first dance at our reception.

Afterwards though, I did wish we'd had a song, or something like that that we'd remember as being special to our big day....

None of our guests made any comment though, but our reception was more informal than most!

My H2B was best man a couple of years ago. they did the speeches after the meal n he couldn't enjoy his dinner, he was up n down more times the a yo-yo in a playground to the loo.

He started off not wanting to do a speech for our wedding but when he realised he doesn't have to talk for 5-10 mins n can get away with a quick 'thanks for coming, the bride looks gorgeous n so do the bridesmaids' type thing he's quite happy. we are doing them before the meal tho, get them out of the way early on.