Non-rude names for genitals

I adore the word schlong ?

My favourite is mooey for lady bits ?

Porridge pump, yoghurt flinger, purple headed love warrior, pork sword,

oh. you said not rude.

how about "tally whacker" ? ?

Excellent, these are spot on ? I'll get the little buggers ?

ive seen a few that look like theyre about to moo.

Pork sword ? I am so not saying that. Or porridge flinger <shudder>

Tally whacker is good ?

Is beef curtains classed as rude? ?

Sounds like you need this book:-

http://www.play.com/Books/Books/4-/3508360/Roger-Profanisaurus-IV/Product.html

Bald man in a boat- although that's clitoris rather than vagina.

Pink oboe? Waah, what about manhood? [cringe]

mooey (unsure on the spelling) is slang for face for me, oh dear ?

Myrtle or foof

When I was little, my parents would refer to girls' bits as "privates" and boys as a "ding dong bell" ?

Love wand ?

Member, purple-headed womb broom ?

whistle, pee pee, one holed flute, main vein, ? eeeeeeeuuuuuuw

for the ladies, when we were little it was say what you see time, hence, prunie or widdler ?

Chuff and flange.

Wanger

Bishop

I remember one for vagina from Smack the Pony

Furry Front Bottom

that reminds me - "feed the pony" ? though thats obvioulsy about playing with a fanny as opposed to being a term for it of course.

My favourite slang word for minge (even more so than minge ?) is "vertical smile".

Can't believe we haven't had beaver yet ?

I still like the delightfully retro 'quim'. Or 'badly packed kebab'. ?

Reading this reminds me of Monty Python and The Meaning of Life. The Penis song, Noel Cowardesque

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong
It's swell to have a stiffy
It's divine to own a dick
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick
So, three cheers for your willy or john thomas
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend
Your percy, or your ***
You can wrap it up in ribbons
You can slip it in your sock
But don't take it out in public
Or they will stick you in the dock
And you won't come back

Mmmmm, thank you very much

yes but the latter isnt an general term for a minge is it? its in specific reference to one which represents a pair of bomber doors being open. or where the flaps look like spaniels ears.

My poor Grandad was christened John Thomas!

? bomber doors

Poo-naan-ee (sp?)

My mum used to call female genitals "Lady's" and male senitals "Winky's" which I thought were both rather nice!

I heard that ome guy had said to one female

"your BLURT smells like a fish and chip shop" ?

Conga Eel

Donger

Dangleberries

Fruitcake

magic wand

Split fig ?

My friend calls her special place an onion, as in bhaji.

Recently heard these 2 horrible ones for girls:

Messy lettuce sandwich

Ripped out fireplace.

There's also jack & danny (rhyming slang)

Mens:

Todger

Purple parsnip

one eyed monster

Now I can kind of understand the first one, but Ripped Out Fireplace, WTF ?