OH's changed his mind

You are doing absolutely the right thing by getting away - thank heavens, I don't often comment on personal situations on this forum and I've been on here a hell of a long time but I couldn't stop thinking about you all last night and how horrible this man is treating you. His comments of 'he will marry you if it makes you happy' made my stomach churn. It should make him happy too otherwise what's the point.

As someone else has said, he is just stringing you along until you eventually get peed off and go. I suspect you might hear from him when he gets fed up of making his own meals and doing his washing but don't give in. He's not worth your time of day. I wish you all the very best for the future.

okay.....If you were my friend telling me this in would say he is stringing you along! ! It's emotional blackmail. He can propose, start planning a wedding, call it all off, say he never wants to get married, then say actually I may want marriage eventually!

THIS!!

is this for real!? Are you winding us up??

You cannot seriously accept that response!

Oh Hell no.

Do not start blaming yourself! If he did not want to get married why did he propose. He is making you feel guilty for him being a complete tw*t.

As others have said its emotional blackmail, and can you really build a life with somebody who messes with your emotions to get what he wants?!

Please don't be afraid to do whats right for you, whether it is to stay or to leave, but don't stay our of habit. I have seen many couples stay together because it is just easier to be with somebody you have known for so long - you don't have to put any effort in, but i honestly don't think that is a good way to live. It wears you down!

Good for you. Look after yourself, I hope it helps you to see the situation more clearly and make a decision that's right for you.

WSS

Thank God you are getting out of there. Reading about this guy's bullshit made me feel sick!!

He is a complete a*** and nothing is going to change that no matter how much you love him.

Please speak to your friends and parents about what is happening to you and be honest about what he said. You need support and care.

Please, please, please - don't go back. You will only regret it!

As much as it's awful for you, it's really the right thing to do in order to assess your relationship. I wish you well. And keep talking here if you need to.

Tell him to F*** off and go and find someone worthy of you.

As regards to doing everything 50/50 it's just we are. When I moved in I offered to pay towards half the bills and pay for half the food shop so we went through the bills together and worked out what it would cost each month and we earn about the same on a monthly basis

Do you contribute towards the mortgage too?

I agree with Stephny that he should be willing to share his home with you. It might cost you but it'll give you security. If you're paying towards the mortgage now then i'd to stop doing that until you have a formal agreement put in place.

He/We don't have a mortgage, he bought our home outright when he was in his mid 20's so all we have is the household bills and food shopping to split

Good! are you planning to ask him to transfer half the property to you?

How old is your OH?

I'm not one to have a problem with age gaps. My Oh is well old. Haha! Just asking out of interest...

I haven't broached the subject with him yet, I am waiting until I know 100% that this relationship is what I want

This. I wasted five years on a man who dangled a carrot in front of me that he was never going to let me eat. (not marriage)

NEVER AGAIN.

You've had some great advice on this thread, and some frankly ridiculous rude responses too- but the overall theme is the same. He is treating you like an idiot. Marriage is not a death sentence, it is commitment, it is a logical next step after spending a decade with someone. If he can't do it, and you want it, get out and get it with someone else. Your heartbreak won't last forever, but going to bed every night next to someone who COULD give you what you want but WON'T is a worse kind of hell. Trust me.

And you're saying you want to MARRY him? Really?

I think what the OP might mean is that what has happened recently, and the advice she's got from this thread, may be causing her to rethink the relationship.

I might have misunderstood Janet but i thought she was saying that this is generally a topic that should be discussed before marriage.

I'm minded to agree with her tbh... Although I think MrsP is right to hold off until she has decided what she wants to do.

Get some space Mrs P and enjoy doing what YOU want for a couple of weeks! i'm still hoping you won't go back but whatever happens I wish you all the very best!

He is 44 (45 in October)

Last night we had a long conversation about marriage and made it very clear to him why I wanted to get married and my reasons, he said he could understand my reasons but in his mind he doesn't really see the point of being married as we are already committed to each other (he is one of those who thinks very logically and to him getting married isn't really logical as it is of no real gain)

He said he wants to sleep on it and I said I was still going to give us space just so I know what I want to happen as regards to the relationship if he decides he won't get married. The conversation moved onto the actually wedding and how it would play out and he said he couldn't be bothered with all the fuss and mither of planning and being surrounded by his family all night (he said it would be a case of if he invited his brother, he would need to invite his wife as well (who is bit of a loud mouth and gets bit too pissed) but if he didn't invite them it would just as much of a nightmare so I asked him what he would do and his response was he would keep it as low key as possible, get married abroad with a few close friends then have a bit of a BBQ & drink at our house when we got back and that's it (this says to me he has put some thought into what he wants from a wedding) and I said I would be happy with what he wants (a lot of my family don't get on well with each other and only see each other at weddings or funerals)

If you saw me and my OH together you would see how compatible we are, everyone say's we are a great couple together and a lot of his friends have said they have never seen him happier and I must admit I am not the easiest person to live with (I sometimes think us both having depression, although different forms, can be bit much but we get through it together.) This is the only time he have really disagreed on something in the last 4 1/2 years of being together but I am very aware of the situation we are in and I hope this break will gives us both bit of clarity and a final decision about us.

Is there a chance you could book a two weeks (at least) holiday and go without him? You would have a chance to relax and think through everything he said, he would have the same chance. Take a friend or go for all inclusive with a swimming pool and cocktails bar.

It must be difficult for you, reading all those comments (I agree with them) saying there's something not right in the relationship, while you're saying you don't want to end it...

Maybe taking a break from him would help.

I am in my final 6 weeks of college, volunteer on weekends and due to go away with my OH and 2 friends at the beginning of July so it's not really possibly but I am staying at a friends from tonight for a week or so just to have the space and get some clarity