On the receving end of an invite with a money poem...

In our family asking for a particular present has been the done thing but asking for money is always a no-no. I don't mind giving vouchers but i really dislike handing over cash. We went to a wedding earlier this year and they'd asked for cash towards a big camera for honeymoon pictures but the thank you card came telling us they'd bought a dishwasher. We gave them £50 and know lots of others gave similar so what happened to the extra money? If it went on bills I'd be really disappointed, I wanted it to be something for them to remember their day,

Indeed, 120 guests coming that's only £250 per person (including children), and they've had a year to save up for it.

I don't like the gift list / money poem thing and we haven't included any mention of gifts with our invites. I'm looking forward to receiving some lovely surprises! We've already had a voucher for afternoon tea at a nice hotel from a work friend of mine that can't come. I would much rather have that to enjoy together than a £20 Argos voucher.

Money poem in evening invite is just plain rude I think. I'd get them a card and nowt else!

We haven't put anything about gifts at all in our invitations. And only a few people have asked what we want, and when asked we've said vouchers for JL or Next as we have actually seen things in there we'd buy if we could afford them. I find the moeny poems a bit rude personally I think people should be able to buy what they feel is appropriate and at their discretion.

I agree with what others have said about people turning up empty handed though it's not something I've ever done or ever will. I would always take a gift to ny sort of party/gathering even to my Parents! It's happened to me before (sort of) my Son had a birthday party last year and invited most of the boys from his class at school and two of the children turned up without even so much as a card! I thought that was a bit off!

It's not that I mind being asked per se (although I do think if someone is only invited to the evening it is a bit much to send them a request for a gift tbh), but I DO object to the poems which are really quite rude, I think. A simple:

"We simply look forward to your attendance at our day, however if you do wish to give us a gift and are unsure what to choose, we would politely request money"

Is just much nicer (and shorter...I was getting more and more annoyed with every verse in that bleedin' poem)...although I have to say, receiving a wedding invitiation has made me think carefully about ours...I am not going to ask for anything I don't think. If I invited someone to my birthday party I wouldn't put anything on that invitation asking for money or otherwise.

I agree with you Gurzle... we put something simple (just a sentence or two) with the infomation that was with the invite even though I was reluctant to (my h2b insisted)... and I still regret it. I wish we had put nothing at all.

I preferred it when you looked like Terry btw Gurzle

Money poem ?

Money poem in an evening invite ??

Don't mind gift lists or money requests, but don't write a twee w@nky poem about it.

I hate any mention of gifts in evening invites.

Forgive me but I've sorted of scimmed through all the other posts, I CAN NOT stand stupid pointless fluffy money poems I would be embarrassed to insert such twonk in my invites, every time I have recieved an invite with one of those annoying money poems I have cringed, I woud mych prefer people just to get to the point without flowering it up, we just put its your presence not your presents I think it was one sentence, we have had requests from our guests on what to buy us and we said if they insist then travel vouchers or a gift of your choice would be lovely - dont even get me started on people who expect gifts from there evening guests! I think its really wrong - but again thats just me.

I think one thing we all learnt from one of the pulled threads about honesty is that when faced with something they don't like, people deal with it differently. So, if you've sent a money poem and everyone has said they think it's a fabulous idea and 'oh, aren't you clever!' there will be some who genuinely think this, some who think you have no taste, and some who are indifferent.

If I were to receive one and was asked what I thought of it, I would either change the subject so I didn't need to answer or I would see it wasn't to my taste. They'd then receive my 'money poem gift' of £30! #TwoWomanCampaign!

I agree - its all about people's perspective/opinion. I havent actually read this entire thread cos it bores me to tears when hitchers have the same arguement all the time. Some people like poems, gift lists, requests for money. Some dont.

End of.

I don't like money poems, i think they're just cringeworthy. I also prefer to give vouchers for them to choose what they want but i know its not going on something pointless.

We probably will suggest vouchers if people ask to help us set up home instead as we have lots of stuff already and its mostly furniture we'll need when we move house. Therefore if we suggest vouchers then that will be more helpful to us than lots of gifts. Also I am not particularly a fan of pointless little 'personal' gifts like signs that say 'love' or similar. The clutter drives me mad and i never have anywhere to put anything because i have enough clutter already.

I think the guest list thing has got a lot more difficult since people aren't tending to move straight out of their parents' houses into a house together, so quite often people either live together (and have the stuff they need) or need to consolidate stuff as they switch from 2 houses to 1 - either way, more objects isn't necessarily what they need when they get married - hence honeymoon fund etc.

OH and I have lived together for long enough that quite a lot of our original stuff dating back to uni days/ parental rejects is getting a bit battered - so having new and better things (especially casserole and roasting dishes, since I've started cooking more) is all the more appealing, especially if they are a gift and you can remember the wedding when you use them.

I'm quite happy to receive a money poem or gift list details, whatever type of invite, and in some ways I'd rather know what to get than stress for weeks deciding. Unless asked directly, I probably wouldn't give money - default gift would probably be some kind of painting or print. We did give money to my OH's sister in law though. Wouldn't sent a money poem as I don't really like them - I'm just going to put something at the end of the extra info sheet (or better yet on the back) somewhere after the where to park map...

A random selection of my own views....

1. I hate money poems. Totally without merit. I refuse to give money regardless of the circumstances.

2. We didn't put a gift list in evening invitations but did in the day ones (very small and insignificant!). About 50% of guests (who bought us a present) used the list, the others chose their own gifts.

3. I was amazed at the generosity of some people and equally amazed at the lack of generosity of others. Coming to all day do and not bringing a gift at all? Not something I would ever contemplate

4. CB - £30? Fabulously generous by some guests standards!

5 .We got some lovely presents, some ordinary presents and some crap ones. C'est la vie.

6. AJ - £250???? Is this a joke? Divide by ten.

Nothing at all?! Not even wine or a card? ?

I took aj's comments to be a joke. I think he's able to make them occasionally.

AC - hello! Congratulations! I haven't seen any pictures yet! As for the £30, I always try to cover the cost of the meal at least where my gift is concerned. If it's someone I'm closer to, I spend more. I realise not everyone has the disposable income to do so but when I have done, I feel it's the right thing to do.

(As for generosity, we had some people who were fabulously generous and inventive and some who didn't even bother to bring a card!)

Nothing at all. Or in one case a card but no gift. So they had sort of considered it!" Husband thinks they were showing disapproval at not being able to bring their children!!

me too!

Soooo rude not to even give a card. Maybe they thought you wouldn't notice!

Thanks CB. I did post a fairly brief report with a few pics by friends in there. Here's one of us in relaxed mood for you.

Absolutely agree with at least covering the costs of a meal - and I really do appreciate the variations in people's individual circumstances.

Just in case anyone is still confused, yes my £250/head gift comments were definitely a joke.

Looking to buy outside of London, I reckon £200/head gift will be enough for a deposit.

You look beautiful, congratulations! I love photos where you see the B&G looking at each other. Wishing you both every happiness.

My FMIL told us not to be coy about it and to tell people what we wanted for our wedding. I maintain that i'd be happy with a card and a smile! But in the same token, i can appreciate that not everyone would be happy with that so i always buy a gift for the couple - i bought a couple a new george foreman grill for a wedding present (bout £60) but we were there for the whole day compared to the token gift and card we gave another couple who had only invited up to the evening reception.

I knew AJ was fooling as soon as I read it.

What I want to know is what property you'd get with a £30k deposit. Here in Hull a typical 2 or 3 bedroom terrace would cost £85-105k!

Here in SW London we're looking at having to pay upwards of £250,000 for a 2-bed flat. So if you have/want a family, £30k deposit doesn't get you all that far! AJ is also based in London IIRC... prices across the capital do vary but I'd wager that you wouldn't find very much, if anything at all, for £85k!

AJ & FinallyMrsJ - you should really consider moving up to Yorkshire! For £250,000 you would get a 4 bed detached house in the country for that price particularly at the moment as house prices are so low up here!

Back to the original poster though, I also wouldn't dream of going to a wedding without taking a pressie and a card. I prefer to know beforehand what people would like otherwise it's just a wasted gift if it's something they don't want and I wouldn't want to spend money on something that wasn't useful to the couple because I'm practical that way. Most of the weddings we've been to have asked outright for either money, B&Q vouchers, Argos vouchers and the like. Our daughter and son-in-law preferred contributions towards their honeymoon (they have lived together for 4 yrs so had most things) via Trailfinders website. Trailfinders have printed leaflets which do all the 'asking' for you and guests can donate on line, over the phone, or send a cheque. One or two guests sent money around 3 months beforehand but the majority donated one month before the wedding.

Yes I am London based - here's a one bedroom flat in Brixton, not a huge distance from where I live.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-30714643.html

£259.950.

People outside of London have no idea how lucky they are with property prices compared to around here. The other big problem of course with renting is that many people do the 'buy to let' thing so you're essentially paying someone else's mortgage with your rent, plus a profit for their time - so even renting is expensive.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-to-rent/property-34494164.html

£247 per week rent, if you can cope with the vomit-inducing description of 'trendy' Brixton.

Unfortunately my family are in Somerset and hers are in Surrey so moving to Yorkshire, as nice as it seems, probably isn't a practical option. Besides, I'm not really a dog fan so I don't want to buy a whippet, and I don't look good in a flat cap.

Besides, I'm not really a dog fan so I don't want to buy a whippet, and I don't look good in a flat cap.

?

Or AJ you could be lucky enough to live on the South Coast where you can pay London prices for property but without the benefit of lonond weighting on your wages- hurrah!

? AJ you don't really believe that myth do you? I've lived here all of my 59 years and I can honestly say with hand on heart, I know absolutely no-one who has ever owned a whippet! In fact, I don't think I've ever seen one here! People don't wear flat caps unless they're a trendy farmer in the Dales and sadly, we don't wear clogs although I understand they are very comfortable In fact, we used to have a VERY famous clog factory in Hebden Bridge which alas exists no more

P.S I know you're only pulling my leg!

Bloody hell, I paid 50k more than that for my 5 bedroom detached house on the north notts/south yorks border

There are 3 bed town houses round the corner for £135k, with a 2 hour commute straight into the middle of London. Not bad considering it takes about 2 hours to drive to the M1/M25 junction.

My reaction to this thread; money poems suck, I would never go to any kind of occasion party without a gift of some sort and I am thankful that I live in the North West ?

We had this too... including Mr C's brother and step sister!

I always try and judge an average price per head and base my gift on that - rightly or wrongly but it seems to have worked so far.

And our 1 bed maisonette in Hertfordshire was £145k... looking at £200 - £250k for a 3 bed house in Essex