Hello, fellow Hitchers – whether fellow OMs or B2Bs!
It’s Wed, 4th January 2012 and I have been Mrs O for two weeks nearly – it’s lovely! I cannot believe the wedding is already two weeks in the past, after 20 months of planning, ups and downs, disasters and last minute salvation, tears, nervous breakdowns, operations, financial troubles, and just as many happy moments.
Here is my report – illustrated with amateur pics – I promise a flash of professional pics when they are ready – with it being the holidays I don’t expect them until the end of January at the earliest!
Thu 15 Dec – 8 days to go – the one with the Panic Stations and Bridal nervous breakdown
It’s 9pm and I can’t believe I am face to face with my Mum for the first time in nearly 4 years – Mum has just arrived from Romania for the wedding, after a gruelling trip – 3 hrs on the plane from Bucharest to London Heathrow, then a further 5.5 hrs on the National Express coach from Heathrow to Leeds. As we couldn’t afford the train prices, we had to make do with the bus! Important thing is – she’s here. We talk a lot, loudly, over each other, in true Romanian style. I am worried this may tire OH out a bit... I am trying to show Mum everything – my shoes, tiara, and BMs’ faux fur shrugs etc but she’s too tired. We sit down with a cup of tea and I bring her up to date with the “operative” situation – army style – after all, my mum is ex-military LOL!
(Mum trying on her outfit, complete with 4inch heels - platforms)
I explain all about the issues that caused my nervous breakdown two days ago. I just want this wedding over and done with. Everything about the issues with the venue, the guests dropping off like flies at the last minute, the dress etc.
Plus an email from a cousin of OH's who doesn't want her mum and herself sat at the same table with a certain auntie as this auntie apparently ignored them at a family party last Sat. I mean, I tell you!!! Table Plan has already been printed and on its way with 8 days to go!!! If I was invited to a wedding I'd swallow it and sit where they put me for the sake of that couple not put myself first and demand things just because I can't cope with spending 3 hrs at same table with someone! Especially with only 8 days to go when surely people know the place cards and Table Plan have been ordered. As it happens they weren't at same table anyway so that's OK but it was the cheek that annoyed me.
Followed by a Facebook email and a text from four other people who had RSVP-ed yes and even chose their menu only to now say they can't get time of work! What??? Why did you RSVP then if you didn't know for sure? Worse still, they are not just friends or colleagues – they are part of OH’s family.
Been to my last fitting yesterday and my dress still doesn't look right, after the adjustments, it still gapes at the bust, and feels like it’s falling off me so I am upset I will look a prat in a dress Mum spent £840 on! I am struggling between not caring anymore and wearing whatever and however, and being devastated that my dress of all things won’t be spot on.
It culminates with cherry on the cake: SIL2B is putting phone down on me and having a go because we dared to politely suggest she should have planned better and put some money aside – she has just texted to say they hadn't realised the Usher's suit (her boyfriend) was going to cost so much so now they can't afford it - they have actually known since 5 July because I forwarded to them the email from the shop with the breakdown of the suit hire cost and even given them the leaflet with price list. At no point have they suggested that they couldn't afford it, and from day 1 last year we told them (her boyfriend - the Usher, and her cousin - the Best Man) that they would have to pay for their own suits and that if that's a problem we won't mind if they decline being Best Man and Usher. Then it's mine and OH's fault and why are we "treating her so sh*tty about this”???? Yes, it's not her fault she lost her job in November BUT when she lost her job she should have told us then she wouldn't be able to afford the suit anymore, not wait another month. Now, it's too late (the shop has the suits in now and we'd have to pay anyway because it's too late to tell them we're cancelling one). In the end I am using the money my cousin and my best friend from Romania sent me as wedding presents (via my Mum) to pay for the Usher's suit. She simply can't understand our point, that 1) she should have told us she can't afford the suit as soon as she lost her job - if they didn't say anything we assumed everything was hunky-dory and 2) she should have put some money aside for this when she was working and although she said that she had other things on her mind and that our wedding is not the centre of the universe, if you make a commitment, and it's your only brother's wedding, I assume you find it important enough to ensure you will have the money for what's needed to fulfil your role. I'm not being awful as I know everyone is in a pickle with money these days and things can change from one day to another, AND I know better than anyone what it's like to live on one income but my point is in that situation at least I don't commit myself to something like that, or at least try to think of all eventualities.
We've had to organise everything by ourselves and my bridesmaids accuse me of deserving all the stress because I chose to get married and have this expensive wedding when I knew I was struggling with money! Compared with other weddings it's not expensive and also when we started planning we didn't have an issue and OH had a job. Our money has virtually all disappeared and I am just crumbling to pieces!
Also, with 7 weeks to go until the wedding the venue messed up too. We were sold this wedding on the premise that we'd have exclusive use as the estate would be closed to the public by then, the Xmas Festival having finished. It was why we had changed our initial date from 16 Dec to 23rd. Because they said 'oh, we can't do 16th as the Xmas Festival is on'. Then after a succession of 4 different wedding coordinators who had eventually all left or been sacked and no one explained why or got in touch timely, turns out one of them didn't put the right things on the system and the venue’s Trust decided to extend the Xmas Festival to include 23rd Dec not realising there was a wedding on. Worse still, no one told us! I only noticed on the coordinator's autosignature that she had a banner advertising the Xmas festival and it said 23rd Dec as last day. I felt as if someone pulled the carpet from under my feet. I emailed her and she hadn't even realised herself. A few conversations later we get a call out of the blue from the Managing Director that could we go in for a meeting as they'd like to help sort things out. We go in, have a meeting with him and the Operations Director and they say as a redress and to make it up to us they offer us to have the ceremony in the House itself instead of the Courtyard building where it was supposed to be, and also the wedding breakfast in the House itself. This in itself was an honour as they no longer allow public weddings in the House, only the Lord’s family weddings because in recent years the art in the house and historical rooms are being damaged from too much public use. So we go ahead, once they confirmed all this in writing, we go to the Leeds Register Office to give another notice of marriage as now the licensed room had changed so to be legal we had to pay again and notify of different venue (even if at same address, because they have two rooms licensed for ceremonies, for the marriage to be legal you have to have a licence for that specific room in which you are having the ceremony). My Mum has spent a lot of money, effort and eyesight making us this lovely aisle runner on the measurements of the initial room, so she proceeded to cut it shorter to fit this second room in the House. I ordered postcard-style Change of Venue notifications for the guests and ring around and email to let everyone know... They had told us the room would also be newly redecorated. Then...bombshell a couple of weeks later, with 5 weeks to go: they can't now offer us the room in the House as during redecoration they discovered something wrong with the floors and the restoration team had been called in. The redecoration has turned into restoration and won't be ready for 23rd. Fair enough, they weren't to know that. But cue in Mum upset as she had to re-sew together the runner as we're now back to the original room in the Courtyard for ceremony and then into the House for drinks reception and wedding breakfast, then back at Courtyard for evening reception which is now in a nicer room, true, but still had to mess about suppliers with change of venue. The venue have said they would refund any expenses incurred by us with the change of venue and, before we even asked, they offered to refund us the cost of the venue hire as a compensation. I must say, I cannot fault them for how they dealt with the making up for it all – many companies could learn a thing or two from them about how to deal with a complaint and how to turn a potentially disastrous situation into a happy ending, with a happy customer. 10 out of 10 and many grateful thanks for all the care and extra little touches on the day!
AND breathe...
Sat 17 Dec – 6 days to go – the one when the Bridal Party Met the MOB
CBM has organised a meet at my house so that they all can meet my Mum. It ended up a lovely occasion; we had a bit of food (we all bought something) and a right laugh. Everyone is now happy and we all made up, and there are happy smiles all around. We’re set to set this show on the road. I even made Mum my famous Carrot Cake as a welcome gift (she has not had carrot cake before!)
Mon 19 Dec – 4 days to go – the one with the Florist
With Mum on an hour’s trip (2 buses) to the Florist’s workshop place where she is expecting us with the candelabra for the “Altar” table, the girls’ faux fur muffs to pin the flower corsages on and my Celtic charm with pics of the dearly departed to attach to my bouquet. Oh, and a nice cuppa as we arrive frozen and stressed. Andrea is a gem I wouldn’t have known about if it wasn’t for our very own Brenda, aka Rainbow Florist who trained with Andrea. Thank you, Brenda!
Wed 21 Dec – 2 days to go – the one where the MOB solves the Wedding Dress Disaster
It’s Wed and the wedding is on Friday. Two days to go. I am supposed to go today to pick up the dress from the shop, where it’s been steamed yesterday and a last adjustment made as the seamstress said she couldn’t do much when I went for my last fitting and complained that my dress still didn’t feel right, and especially that I was unhappy about the still gaping bust. I bring the dress home with Mum, in a taxi, and promptly get upset when i try it on – it still gapes at the bust and although the zip would not do up at the back if you were to take it in anymore, it still feels like it’s sliding off me and I have to keep pushing it up. I am upset and getting really depressed again. I am almost making peace with the thought of looking a mess on my wedding day. It’s too late to do anything about it with two days to go.
However, my talented and enterprising mother has a few ideas up her clothes-designer-and-seamstress-in-her-spare-time sleeve! She diagnoses immediately what’s wrong: the seamstress did not alter some parts of the dress and most crucially, she did not also shorten the bra-strap thing at the back which actually holds the dress / corset in place on the back in the right position – this has been left the size it was as the dress was originally an 18 and had been now altered following my weight-loss to a 14-16. Hence it kept sliding off. The bust has not been taken in at the right spot etc. Mum sews in a satin ribbon at the waist of the corset, on the inside and ties it up to pull the corset in more for better waist definition, she also shortens the bra-type closure on the corset and replaces the weak eye and hook at the top of the zip which has already given in and I haven’t even worn the dress! Mum is furious with the wedding dress industry – she cannot believe they would put such a flimsy thing on such a heavy dress and at a spot where the dress bears a lot of strain.
My beautician friend arrives at 16:45 to do my eyebrows and do my nails. Although she only does Shellac now and simple manicures, she has agreed to buy some stuff she needed and apply me acrylics as a French manicure, with a single diamante on the ring fingers on both hands:
Anyway, it’s nearly 11pm and the dress now finally feels right and I love it!
Thu 22 Dec – the day before – the one with handwriting speeches at 1 am and shortening BM dress at 11 pm
It’s the day before the wedding and I am so tired, I just want to sleep. I am hurting all over and I don’t have an ounce of excitement left. I am feeling very weird, as if I have to do something important in the morning for others. It’s not sinking in that this is it – tomorrow I am getting married. All I can think of is how tired I am – in the morning I went with Mum to see the cake lady, pay her and see the cake (she had assembled it for me to see, then she will pack it and take it to the venue tomorrow morning). Then we went to supermarket to pick up some food for everyone coming to the house in the morning PLUS the Xmas food shopping.
OH is also taken by surprise by the arrival of his cousin, who is the Best Man, and who has come to take him to the hotel where they are spending the night before the wedding – on the doorstep as he leaves I notice he is really red and emotional – it shocks me. I am so stressed and tired that I really don’t feel the moment. His reaction reminds me what is actually happening and the significance of the moment. Next time I’ll see him it will be whilst walking down the aisle. Still so much left to do and I am so tired, I close the door behind him, my mind already on the To Do List. A state of disappointment creeps up – all brides have pampering days before their wedding, are rested and groomed. I am sweaty, achy, tired, no pedicure, no waxing or shaving done yet, my hair is still to be dyed (was supposed to do it two days ago but had so much to do I just didn’t have time), and I just feel a mess.
Then, we have to go late afternoon to the venue with a ton of stuff to decorate the rooms – thank God the wedding coordinator picked us up in the venue’s 4x4. At 7pm the coordinator suggests she takes us home and she and her colleague continue to decorate as it’s getting late and I still have to dye my hair and my SIL2B is coming in half an hour as she’s sleeping at ours tonight.
When home I make a quick plan with Mum to tidy up the house ready for photographer tomorrow, to dye my hair, have a shower etc. My SIL2B arrives and for a minute my heart stops: has she forgotten her BM dress? No, it’s rolled up inside a bag, as she got it from the shop where she had it adjusted as it was too big at the bust. I cringe. Also she tells me that she couldn’t afford to have it also shortened so she’ll have to lift it all the time when walking. Mum asks her to put it on. I want to cry but remain polite and assure SIL2B that it’s OK. The dress has not been steamed or ironed, is visibly crinkled (although being chiffon it’s not as bad as if it was a different material) and it’s way too long – it looks just ridiculous. I cannot believe she would have worn it like this! I order Domino’s pizzas for the three of us whilst Mum saves the day again – she’s tired herself but does mobilise herself and, at 9pm, starts shortening my SIL2B’s dress and then iron it. By 11 pm she’s finished but is beat. However, we can’t have a bride with roots showing and a few white hairs, even though i am so flat out i no longer care right now. Mum dons the gloves and at 11:10pm starts to dye my hair. Thank God it’s Clairol Nice ‘n’ Easy Perfect 10 which only takes 10 minutes!
Another of my OH’s cousins texts my SIL2B and advises her that she and her fiancé are no longer coming to the wedding as she’s very poorly. They were supposed to give my SIL2B and her partner a lift home after the wedding. To say we are both fuming is an understatement. (On the day after the wedding we heard from family that something had been spotted on Facebook about her having cocktails in town the night of the wedding!)
I am so beat, I just want my bed. The alarm is on for 5:30 am to have time for all 3 of us to shower, eat something and get ready for the arrival, from 8am onwards of the other 2 BMs with their husbands and the hairdresser, make-up lady and photographer. As I step towards the bed a thought makes me jump out of my skin: Sugar!!! I forgot to print my speech and Mum’s forgotten to print hers. In a final twist, like a supreme middle finger shown to us by fate, the printer displays the last message I wanted to see: “Unable to print. No ink left in the black cartridge. No ink left in the colour cartridge.” Ah well...
Fri 23 Dec – THE BIG DAY – the one with torrential rain, no-show guests and early departures but a happy Bride and Groom
It’s 01:45am on my wedding day and I am dragging myself to bed to catch 3 hours and 45 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off and pandemonium descends on this 2-bedroom bungalow. For the past nearly two hours I have been handwriting the speeches, copying them off the laptop on paper, seeing as the printer has packed it in. My eyes are red and stinging. I remember at the last minute to remove my contacts before sliding into bed – Mum has been asleep since midnight on OH’s side of the bed and our cat Georgie has taken all my side, purring his head off in his sleep! I slide in quietly – my SIL2B is also asleep next door on the sofa-bed, where usually mum sleeps. I can’t fall asleep immediately. I am so tired is hard to fall asleep, and thousands of thoughts are in my head.
5:30am. Alarm goes off. I am tired but put a smile on my face and start making coffees and make the bed for SIL2B as well as mine. Mum can no longer contain herself and actually tells my SIL2B to help herself and feel at home, and go to kitchen and make her own coffee (I am the bride but seem to be running around serving SIL lol!). I rush to have a shower and hastily shave my legs and underarms almost as an afterthought. It’s 6:30 and I am aware that Mum and SIL2B are still to shower and get dressed, plus they are both doing their own make-up.
8am and both best friends and bridesmaids arrive with their husband / boyfriend. The boys are also getting dressed at mine so they quickly go into the bedroom and get changed and get off for breakfast somewhere to leave us to it. They will be back later, when the florist arrives, to take the buttonholes and flower arrangements to the venue.
Hairdresser arrives at 8:15 and starts with me – heated rollers go in, then she starts on the BMs hair. The girls look lovely. Photographer arrives and faffs about an eternity taking pics of my accessories, dress, etc so much so that we are now late. Hairdresser is drumming her fingers waiting for the tiara to put on.
Make-up artist has arrived at 10:15 and is now waiting for me to finish hair. She takes what seems like another eternity to do my make-up and I am still in my PJs and silk wrap. Photographer is now panicking I won’t be ready for them (he is shooting with his wife) to take pics of me getting into the dress. When it’s already 11:10 he gives up. We’ll have to mock some pics up at the venue – they need to go or else they’ll miss arrival of guests and Groom.
My car arrives to take bridesmaids dot on time. They leave and in half an hour the car returns for me and Mum. I am still having the make-up applied and we should have been out of the door now; it’s 11:40 and ceremony is at 12!!!
Make-up lady finally finishes and I jump like out of a catapult into the bathroom, ripping open the Jasper Conran bridal hold-ups packet and getting my bridal underwear on military-style in under a minute. Perfume on. Earrings and necklace – my something new. It’s 11:48 and I step unceremoniously into the dress shouting for mum to quickly do it up – mum and make-up artist start at opposite ends using a crochet needle to do up the little buttons covering the zip. Mum had tied tightly the ribbon she added on the inside and the dress looks great. The hairdresser and make-up artist take pics for their portfolio.
Outside it’s absolutely whooshing it down – the rain is torrential. Nic, our lovely female chauffeur and owner of Lady Penelope Cars, brings the gorgeous white Jag into the driveway all the way to the back door, so I don’t get wet. Holding my dress up, I run through the house with Mum, turning lights off, leaving the cat more food and turning off heaters. Cape goes on, I grab the bouquet; I pass Nic the bag with my stuff for the hotel tonight and she and Mum help me into the car. I bang my head on the car as I get in, misjudging the height of my tiara. Ouch. Dress is already a bit wet, despite it being a few seconds to get into the car and Nic holding a big white umbrella. In the car is warm and nice. Nic turns the car around with me inside to be able to back it back into the driveway to pick Mum up so she doesn’t have to step onto the lawn to get into her side and get wet herself. We finally leave and we can hardly see through the car windows – the rain is unbelievable.
Nic hands me a little silver gift bag – she has remembered I am diabetic and bought me a lovely box of Boots Diabetic Chocolate Seashells (a diabetic version of the Guylian Belgian choccies). How sweet! She has also little cans of Diet Coke in the car as well as chocolate bars etc. Before we know it we have arrived. It’s an entire performance to get me out of the car and despite everyone’s efforts, within seconds the bottom of my dress and the train are wet and filthy. I really don’t care.
Tens of visitors (it’s the last day of the Xmas Festival) and excited little kids are staring... We are at least half an hour late... or at least that is what I estimate – I have no watch on and I realise I have forgotten my mobile phone at home. I have no idea what time it is. A lovely lady in a smart navy skirt suit says hello and introduces herself as the Registrar. I really like her. I don’t hear anything she says to me, and I hear a voice answering her, in composed tones. The voice sounds foreign to me yet I realise to my shock it’s my own. I am very warm as we climb the two flights of stairs to the Ceremony Room. I try my best to avoid the lit tealights on the stairs – I don’t want to be a Bride on fire! What is happening? Is this it? Noises, voices, everything sounds more and more distant and surreal. I am so warm...
TO BE CONTINUED...
