Parents

I am sorry that you are in this position, it really is not needed when you are trying to plan your special day. Sadly parents will have opinions and I feel your pain as my Mum has been mouthing her opinion to anyone that will listen and it is upsetting, I have had to have a frank discussion with her and she has stopped now. In your situation, you are absolutely right, it is your decision who walks you down the aisle. It is tough but you need to sit her down and tell her how it is making her feel, you understand she doesn't like your Dad but it is your day and you have a relationship with him, so is not for her to put ultimatums on and for one day you need her to be adult about it. Explain that you are concerned and if she feels this way and continues with this behavior you may not invite her . I know that sounds harsh but you cannot allow her to make you feel this way, it is your day. If she does kick up on the day it will only reflect on her, maybe have some of your bridal party aware of the situation and get them to keep an eye on her and if it looks like she is going to create they can step in and dissolve it. Maybe get her to do a reading so she has a role? I really hope you manage to sort it, please do what you want for your day, but you need to shut this down now before it spirals out of control

Oh Ella, I really feel for you, you have gone above and beyond for them to accommodate their feelings and it is a real shame they cannot put you first, it is sad when parents behave like this, why can they not be adult. My father has passed away so not the same situation but I had to speak with my mum as she was making nasty comments about my future in laws to our family members and I was stressing about people judging them on the day because of her comments, funniest bit is she has met my father in law for like 10 mins! She has also been making comments about how much my partner is contributing as he earns less than me and is not fair I am paying for it all, which is not the case at all, we are splitting it 50/50! She did get quite upset but recognised the hurt it was causing me and my partner and actually she was embarrassing herself by behaving that way and now she is better, to be honest we don't talk much about the wedding as this way she cannot then have an opinion, is sad for me as I want her involved but everything I suggest she poo poos and makes a rude comment as we are not doing a lot of traditional elements and feels it reflects on her and people will judge her?! Pot, kettle springs to mind! As I pointed out, WE are hosting the wedding so if people have an issue it is on us! She is my only source of wedding stress and is so negative about things which is not how you want your mum to be on your wedding day. I hope you can have an open honest conversation with your mum and get it sorted, stay strong and stand your ground x

Tell your mother that it is your choice who walks you down the aisle and you have chosen your dad. Tell her that you want both your parents to be part of your big day, but if she is not willing to accept your father's presence there, you understand if she stays home.

Do be prepared for her not coming, although this would be unusual. Most parents I've known who have thrown their weight around like this, do so in the expectation that their child will back down. When they realise it won't happen, they usually back down themselves. But there is always a slight risk that they won't.

But there's not really anything you can do about that. You've bent over backwards to accommodate them both, and it would be very unfair to demote your father (who sounds as if he is behaving a bit better than your mother) because of your mother's tantrums.

If the battling between them really gets too much, it might be worth asking your fiance to step in and take over communicating with them over this to give you a break. "I'm sorry, but Ella is too upset by your behaviour to talk to you right now. Can I take a message?"

I sympathize with you very much. And I understand perfectly that you want to see them both. Why can't they be at peace after all these years? Why don't they get new partners and stay in a friendship. Maybe you should give them a nudge. There are many different apps and social networking sites. Which you can even create on your own. Where they can find someone their own age and with common interests. You should reconcile them before the wedding. And make it clear that they're not the enemy. Everyone already has a life. And you have to move on. Forget the past. And most importantly, it's your wedding. Why should you suffer because of their fight?