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Beginner July 2022 Bedfordshire

Really need some advice re incident at hen do

Clare, 21 June 2022 at 23:14 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 1 25
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Hi all,
Thank you for reading this.
To cut a long story short my hen do was on Saturday night. Nothing over the top just my close friends going for a meal and a dance. I was back home in my bed by about 12:30pm. Great night. One of my friends, - lets call her Fiona - has always been known as a ‘right laugh’, ‘a bit outrageous’, etc. but I have never been out with her apart from in a group of mums for play dates, soft play, etc. with our children. I know her through these other mums who I made friends with first. We don’t really meet up on our own (Fiona & I) only as part of a group but all the same I thought it was appropriate to invite all 4 ladies to the hen do and wedding. We are all in our 40s. I am an older bride.Fiona is a little tipsy when she arrives at the hen do. She immediately starts buying drinks for people even though they are quite happy to buy their own. In summarySmiley surprisever the course of the evening, Fiona:1) whipped her boobs out at the table (fully exposed)2) grabbed my female friend and snogged her (still trying to unpick what happened here)3) her husband arrived and they were going around the bar and propositioning other couples to threesomes (including myself)4) Fiona went up to another customer at the bar (a young man of about 20) and forced his head into her boobs in front of his girlfriend.5) called my sister an effing tramp when my sister - who was organiser - attempted to politely ask her to stop interfering in the drink orders for the table as the drinks were just in abundance and no one wanted them (this one is upsetting me the most).6) Shouted aggressively in mine and another friend’s face to “eff off” (used full words) when we tried to cajole her into a cab.
This is more but I just wanted to give you a flavour of the evening. I have spoken to her this morning. She told me she remembers nothing and is so sorry. There have always been rumours about Fiona around the school that she likes a drink. She very rarely holds down friendships as they normally end in some sort of argument. I have also been informed by a mum that Fiona has recently had some sort of ‘sexual interaction’ with this lady’s 23 year old son who is incredibly shy, autistic, and never had a girlfriend. Fiona has known the boy since he was about 10.Readers, is this a mistake on Fiona’s part? None of us are perfect and I should just let it go? Am I going to have to monitor her and her husband to make sure they are not drinking at my wedding?My mum and dad, aunt and uncle and family friend (all in their 70s) are going to be there.How will my other guests who witnessed her behaviour feel about seeing her again at the wedding?I just feel like she crossed a line. Am i being a bit too self-righteous and should just accept her apology? I actually feel like I don’t want her at my wedding. Hubby to be is not happy at all but is supporting me in making the right decision. Any opinions appreciated. Wedding is in a month’s time. Thank you for reading xxx



25 replies

Latest activity by Clare, 2 July 2022 at 10:17
  • AJX
    Dedicated April 2024 West Yorkshire
    AJX ·
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    So sorry this has happened! Personally I would uninvite her to the wedding, it may seem harsh and it may just be a mistake on her part but if she does display this behaviour at the wedding, are you going to kick yourself for not doing something about it? Just explain what she can't remember and say because of this you don't want any of this behaviour at your wedding x

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  • A
    Dedicated July 2022 Co Londonderry
    Ali312 ·
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    No, you really don't want to have to watch her on the day and it would be less than fun if she did something similar at the actual wedding. It's your decision, but have you spoken to the friends that were at the hen do to get some advice? Since she's not a very close friend or relative I'd personally say uninvite her- that really is unacceptable behaviour in any setting, let alone a hen do.
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  • Sarah
    Rockstar June 2023 Worcestershire
    Sarah ·
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    I too would uninvite her and explain the reasons why (which in all honesty as you have already bought her behavior that night to her attention it shouldn't come as a shock).

    She sounds like she will be either hard work and very embarrassing on the day or if not you will feel constantly on edge that she will kick off and not be able to relax and enjoy your day. It doesn't sound like it's an isolated incident either given the words 'a right laugh and bit outrageous' used to describe her she had obviously gained these names in the past.

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  • L
    Dedicated September 2023 Derbyshire
    Lizzie ·
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    Both of you aren't happy about having her there. To be honest, I don't think I would want someone like that there either. It sounds like you know what you want to do, so I would go with my gut and uninvite if I was in your position.

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  • R
    Super July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Question: If a male friend of yours had sexually assaulted an innocent female bystander at a bar, would you still be considering inviting him to your wedding?

    If not, then why are you considering inviting a woman who has done exactly the same thing?

    You owe it to your other guests to uninvite this couple.

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  • Sandi
    Beginner August 2024 Berkshire
    Sandi ·
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    I'd be so uncomfortable if she was there. I'd uninvite her. You don't want to be babysitting or have any distractions.

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  • Chloe
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Chloe ·
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    Completely agree with everyone who's already commented - uninvite her 1000% you don't want her behaviour at your wedding, and neither will your other guests.

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  • Kim
    Savvy August 2022 West Yorkshire
    Kim ·
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    That is so bad i agree with everyone else definitely uninvite her xx
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  • Emma
    Beginner October 2022 Norfolk
    Emma ·
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    Definitely uninvite! Sounds harsh but you'll be gutted if she acts like that on your wedding if she does attend xx
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  • Rhian
    Curious September 2022 Dumfries Galloway & Ayrshire
    Rhian ·
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    I’d definitely uninvited, and I think I’d distance myself from her in general too.

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  • Bobs
    Curious August 2023 South West London
    Bobs ·
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    Hi Clare.
    This is unacceptable behaviour and you don’t want her to show you up to your other family and friends on your wedding day. You don’t want to also be worrying about her in the lead up to your day and therefore I would explain kindly to her why I felt that it is best that she doesn’t attend.
    x
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  • C
    Beginner July 2022 Bedfordshire
    Clare ·
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    Thank you all so much for saying exactly what I was thinking. I think I knew when I got home from my hen do she was not coming to my wedding. I have since confronted her. I must admit I went absolutely berserk! I have also apologised to the rest of my guests for the offence she caused. I am really lucky - my friends have all been really understanding.


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  • M
    VIP July 2023 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    This is disgusting to behave like that you were meant to enjoy your night i think you need to uninvite her you should not have to be watching someone on your special day when you should be enjoying it x💗
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  • V
    Beginner October 2023 East Riding of Yorkshire
    Vjh ·
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    Like many other people, I would accept her apology but I invite her anyway. You don’t want to be constantly worried that she’s going to show you up on your wedding day.
    • Reply
  • Maxine
    Beginner October 2022 Dumfries Galloway & Ayrshire
    Maxine ·
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    I also have a friend who the more she drinks the louder she gets, very me me me and turns everything into “ The Fiona Show” ( obviously not her real name ) Her husbands party piece is to get his “ bits “ out on the dance floor at the end of the evening..
    needless to say I am not inviting them ( luckily we didn’t speak for a few years ( over another friend) so other than saying it’s only a small wedding and a difficult situation ( her and my other friend still don’t speak) I haven’t had to her explain myself .. you don’t want to spend your wedding dress watching her and waiting for the drama to start.. your day your choice .. I’m sure others would totally understand and probably be relieved xx
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  • Ostira
    Dedicated October 2023 Durham
    Ostira ·
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    Although it may seem harsh, I would personally un-invite her and her husband to the wedding. If they behave like that at the hen party and have no recollection of their actions, what’s to say they won’t be the same at the wedding, whether they know what they’re doing or not? You don’t want to spend your special day monitoring them and worrying that they’ll do or say something and ruin the day. After all, it is up to you what you decide to do but either way I’m sure they’d understand in the long run.
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  • Charlotte
    Dedicated July 2022 Durham
    Charlotte ·
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    Definitely uninvited, may seem harsh,, like above though if a guy had of grabbed a woman would you hesitating.
    It's you and ur hubby's big day so you don't need to be watching someone whose old enough to take card of themselves.

    My brothers fiancée is a big drinker, and me and my H2B have both agreed once or if she's drank too much, will request my brother and her to leave, so she gets to hotel room safely, if they refuse our venue said that they can ask her to be removed, me and H2B both agreed it seemed harsh but we didn't want "her show" to spoil our day.I hope you both have a lovely day and a great evening!!!Best wishes
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  • Sarah
    Curious July 2022 Cheshire
    Sarah ·
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    I think your doing the right thing
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  • M
    Beginner August 2023 East Central London
    Mhairi ·
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    View quoted message
    👏 yes! This woman assaulted someone at the bar. She will only bring chaos, anxiety, and classless behaviour to the special day. You want people there who are going to UPLFIT you!
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  • M
    Beginner August 2023 East Central London
    Mhairi ·
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    View quoted message
    You did the right thing! And don’t worry! It’s going to be so special, surrounded by people who are there to uplift you!
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  • A
    Beginner October 2022 Derbyshire
    Amanda ·
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    Hi
    sounds an invent full night lol, you know what you want to do already and I wouldn’t want my family to see that no one would either. You don’t want to baby sit her at your wedding and that will never happen as you want to enjoy YOUR DAY. At the end of the day your not closes friends so I wouldn’t worry and cut your losses. Congratulations on the wedding relax and enjoy xx
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  • Jacqui
    Beginner September 2022 Kent
    Jacqui ·
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    I need to uninvite somebody too… how on earth do you do it?
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  • R
    Super July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    View quoted message

    If it's for the same reasons as Clare's guest, I would just say 'I'm sorry, but in view of your behaviour on...., we no longer feel able to include you in our wedding, so are cancelling our invitation.'

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  • J
    Beginner September 2023 Dorset
    Jess ·
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    I would also uninvite her and explain exactly why. You can’t go through your wedding day worrying about her potential actions. So eliminate that worry by not having her there. From what you described, it’s pretty outrageous behaviour and you don’t want that at your wedding. Nip it in the bud now I would. It’s your big day and you can invite and uninvite exactly who you like. It doesn’t sound like she’s a close friend anyway so won’t be missed.
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  • C
    Beginner July 2022 Bedfordshire
    Clare ·
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    Isn’t it awful. I am now no longer friends with ‘Fiona’ so my text to her was quite blunt. Just text or call and get it done. You will feel so much better. Be honest and straight. They might not like it but they will at least respect the honesty.
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