Really upset!

So sorry to hear about all this, you must be up the wall!

Take a deep breath....why can;t she travel with her son on her own after the christening?

Also she cannot expect you to pay for all of the things you will have to cancel if she cannot make it. She should at least pay for the hotel room.

If she cannot come and will not pay (which is beyond me) then is there anyone else you can invite last minute to take oer the hotel room?

Good luck x

She won't be able to come because she might have to look after her son all on her own? While I can see this might impinge on her ability to be the most attentive bridesmaid in the world (and I'm sure you can let her off a little bit with some of the standard duties), I'm not sure I have any sympathy for someone who, after two years, is unable to handle a day where she is the sole carer of her child.

I would be annoyed too.

That's just ridiculous. I would be absolutely livid. Why can't she travel on her own? I wouldn't miss my best friends' wedding for the world.

It's not often I say this but she sounds like a really bad friend!

Congratulations on the new, house, moving is stressfull but will be worth it in the long run. Have you spoken to the developer about the mould and other issues?

Have you told your BM how you feel? And have you explained about having already paid for her oH?

I would say that I don't think it's hugely necessary to have the BMs at a rehearsal. I appreciate she may have committed to it and now has let you down, but I don't think the service will suffer if she doesn't make the rehearsal. I didn't have any BMs at mine.

I'd be fuming.
Have u told her how upset you are? I personally would tell her how much u've done for her & make her feel guilty. Surely she knows someone who could look after her child?
Could be an idea to suggest she brings a friend or member of the family with her to take her boyfriends place? That way, she has someone to watch her child at the wedding & you're not so much out of pocket xx

Have you phoned and spoken to her - because if I read this correctly and she is now not coming to a wedding she is bridesmaid at because a Christening has come up the day before and her OH got work so she don't have a car and cannot look after her child on her own or find someone to help - She must be putting it across wrong as I see no logic in the above, some logistics to think of on her part but not to not come.

I honestly wouldn't care if she turned up and could do nothing on the day other than be there! I'm not fussed if she can't make the rehearsal, but to suddenly say she probably can't make the wedding has totally thrown me! I'm so upset I can't even text her, so OH has just asked if there is anything we can do to make it easier for her with having her son on her own. Her not having a car isn't a problem, there are plenty of people who can give her a lift down, and I can hire a babysitter for the evening if needs must! I've said all this though and she just said that because her boyfriend stands to make £4000 for a weekends work (dismantling scaffolding?!) and that he'd be mad to say no?

So her little boy isn't invited? Ah, it makes a little more sense now. Does she not have a family member (granny and grandad) who might have him overnight?

Where in Manchester are you getting married?

This is totally awful behaviour on her part, as a single mum for 2 n half years I had to do plenty of travelling/occasions by myself , short of her child being the devil I dont see her issue. Is there no one she can get a lift with if she has not got a car or can her B.F not take a train or share a lift with someone else (im sure he is not taking down scaffolding alone?) Is there any evening guests that you can bump up or any friends that are the same size that could stand in for the bridesmaid place, not ideal but least your not wasting so much money.

If this was my bridesmaid I would be going mad, I thnk you should be giving yourself a pat for the back for not saying something already!

Hope you get it all sorted. x

This is ridiculous, why on earth can't she come on her own? I understand why her OH would want to take the job, but she is your best friend, close enough to be BM, I wouldn't miss my best friends wedding for the world. Have you spoken to her about this on the phone? Sometimes things come across wrong by txt, maybe she just meant she can't make the rehearsal? I just really cant understand her reason for not being able to attend.

That says to me he is invited but they're trying to think of ways to make it even easier on her.

But, as you say, surely the mother of a 2 year old should be able to handle looking after her child by herself for a day?!

Her son is invited, he even has a cute little suit in the wedding colours! And one of our mutual friends is coming who she knows will help her out with her son if she needs it!

FTLOMB: We're getting married at a church in Heald Green and then the reception is at the Village hotel in Cheadle, are you around Manchester?

I can't phone her cos I'm at work (although clearly not doing much) but to be honest, I'm not sure I trust myself to speak to her at this point anyway. Hopefully I'll have calmed down by 5!

She's replied to my OH saying that she isn't sure whats happening yet, and that she can't get a straight answer out of her boyfriend.

I`d be tempted to say that if the boyfriend can earn £4k in a weekend they can pay for any losses you incur by letting them down. Don`t see the problems for her if she can get a lift down - allbeit a little later after the christening. Just calmly remind her of the planning / deposits / payments you have to make up front based on you trusting her to keep to her word and explain that with moving too you cannot afford to take any more losses. Tell her you really want her to be a part of your big day and hope she can sort it out but she must help by paying to cover for losses if she lets you down as he will be earning enough to sort that!

Just up the road in Edgeley, Stockport (although currently negotiating a move to Glossop!).

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I would say:

CHRISTENING - Not a massive problem in the whole grand scheme of things, just tell her to come down after.

CAR - surely she can hire one? and put her own car seat for child in it? Weekends arent that expensive, maybe £50?

CHILD - if her BF isnt coming,can she invite her mum, or friend to take his place, saves you losing money and her having a child care nigthmare (would be tough to follow you down the aisle if there is no one to hold/entertain her child).

xx

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I think either you or your OH should send a message to her saying - its a shame your bf might not be able to make it, let us know, however, you do need to be there so let us know what the problem is and we will find a solution. Maybe re-phase slightly but sounds like shes faffing for no reason - she should be sorting this out rather than upsetting you.

Sounds like there is a solution, so although she is not going around it the in a awful way it will sort itself out so try not to let it upset you right now.

Ohh dear! hope you get the house problems solved.

I think you BM is being quite a bad friend really, i would never ever miss my best friends wedding and i think she could make it to yours it seems easier for her to say no due to not having a car. To be honest if i was her and my Best friend was you, i would get a lift to the hotel in manchester with you and not go to the christening unless it was for a very close family member. She could get a train to manchester couldnt she? surely it isnt that difficult or expensive. Just because her OH isnt coming doesnt mean she should let you down on one of the biggest days of you lives. I think you really should call her and as someone else suggested ask her what her concerns are and come up with some solutions, you will only make yourself worse and more upset by not speaking to her about it, explain to her she is your best friend and you need and want her there on your day, im sure she would be very put out if the shoe was on the other foot! xx xx

Thanks ladies, you've really helped calm me down! I think I'm going to give her a call when I finish work and see what her big worries are, because like you all say, there are solutions for all of them! Then hopefully it will all be sorted, or if not, at least I know where I stand a bit more!

I didn't realise how close we were FTLOMB!

HayleyMay I hope that your BM sorts this out, it is very unfair of her to suddenly say this now. It sounds like you have been very patient with her and as you just said, there are solutions for all the obstacles she is throwing up.

Was the christening planned before she RSVPd to you?

To PbPD - you might want to remove the link to your business in your signature and register as a HIB (Hitcher in Business). If you are a HIB, then you also need the Hitcher in Business Logo before you can show the link.

To the OP... she is being awkward... there are plenty of ways around her issues, she may not make it to the rehearsal dinner but that is not the end of the world but she can hire a car/get a lift on the wedding day. I would be miffed at her boyfriend cancelling at such short notice but absolutely no reason why she can't be there.

No, she only suddenly mentioned the christening yesterday, and she was one of the first RSVPs we got back in May! The baby was only born at the end of May, and its her ex's babay, who she never see's and doesn't even know the baby's mum!

I'm from Woodsmoor originally, so literally just down the road!

Why is she going to the christening of her ex's baby if she doesn't see him? Random?

To be honest, if one of my bridesmaids had missed my wedding for something like this, I don't think I would ever have been able to forgive them.

Ok, so this is weird. I would be p!ssed off knowing this.

Why the hell is she even going to this christening! You wouldn't catch me at an ex's childs christening. Give her a call and tell her to stop being a wallly.

I have just been bridesmaid for my friend and there is no way I would be putting this on her with just 6 weeks to go not in a million years! What is she thinking, well she clearly isn't! If her partner has to work so be it but why on earth is she even contemplating not coming it just seems so ridiculous.

I can understand why her bf wants to take the job if he truly does earn that much from it, I do agree he would be mad not to.

That does not mean she cant be there with or without her child. Attending a wedding with a small child would be tough in the sense you wouldnt really be able to enjoy yourself as much as you could if you didnt have to watch your child. However, thats the sacrifice you make when you have kids and there is always the option of a babysitter. Does she have parents she can leave the child with for a night?

It almost sounds like she is coming up with all sorts of excuses why she cant attend, which makes me think she doesnt actually want to attend and is trying to get out of it without saying no...

She isnt one of those people who cant do anything without their OH's is she?? They drive me mad!!!

Not usually, her OH lives in Qatar! and he was apparently flying back for the wedding! Although come to think of it, she's been putting off booking her room at the hotel for the night, so I am beginning to think she just doesn't want to be there! I have no idea why though, she was so involved in organising my hen do and has been brilliant at coming up with suggestions etc!

My OH has just told me he sent her a text this morning, basically saying that all the stress and everything aside, all I want is for my best friend to be there on my wedding day, and could she offer a bit of reassurance. She hasn't replied...

I'm done at work in an hour or so, and I'm going to call her then.

And as for the christening, it does all seem a bit strange, she said to me yesterday that she didn't realise she needed to be in Stockport on the Saturday night, even though we'd talked about her staying at my parents with me, and that the hair and MUA are coming at 9am on the Sunday morning, so she wouldn't have time to travel all the way down on the Sunday morning!

That is bizarre. I would actually be livid she was prepared to drop out of being BM for that crazy reason. Is she trying to prove something to her ex?