Regretting planning a large wedding

I know it's easier said than done, but I would try to not worry about it. Some of my friends also declined and it upset me every time, even if it was for a good reason. As a result our numbers are quite skewed too. I think on the day no one really goes around thinking about whose guest is whose, guests are just happy to be attending and celebrating with you. The main thing is to try and not over think it yourself. Good luck!

Our situation was similar, my hubby had 6 people and i had 25 and then 20 odd mutual friends. It is hard but please dont let it get you down, the main thing is you and your H2B are there and you get to be married! In honesty on the day it made no difference, yes he was sad some of his family were not there, but we still had an amazing day with those that were there. Just keep in the front of your mind the reason you are doing this and that is all that matters, it is not about numbers of people, but celebratin gyour love and it really wont matter on the day.

I'm having similar qualms about the venue we've booked. I thought we'd have more people on the list, but I feel like I'm scrabbling round trying to make numbers up. I'm also second-guessing myself on who might or might not come...
It's not the same situation as you, but I'm sure it'll work out for both of us and it'll all be OK on the day!

1) Unless you segregate people according to whether they know the bride or the groom, no one is going to know or care how many of the guests are 'yours' and how many are 'his'. Don't have designated sides for seating during the ceremony and mix people up at the reception and no one will ever know.

2) It might help if you try to stop thinking in terms of 'your' friends and 'his' friends and family and start trying to think of them as 'our' friends and family. Hopefully, over time, each of you will get to know the others' friends better anyway, so it's just pre-empting what is likely to happen.

3) Instead of thinking about those who aren't coming, think about those who will be there for you.

The most important thing is that you & your OH get to marry each other - don't let anything take away the joy of that x

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I second all of this! It's normal to feel upset when people can't come but focus on the people who can make it and you can always celebrate later on with the people who cant be there x

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Thanks so much everyone This does help. Funnily enough I'm less upset by the declines of my close school and college friends, as I know they have absolutely good reasons and would come if they could, and they'll celebrate with me separately. I do really love my OH's family and friends, so I am really happy that so many of them are making the effort.

Weirdly it's the last-minute declines from people that I used to spend loads of time with pre-lockdown, and who yes we drifted apart during lockdown but I've still tried to keep up with, that really stung. I guess it's because of their reasons, I know they're making clear where our friendship now stands - it isn't something they want to prioritise or make the effort for anymore. (I know that nothing major has come up / no financial issues / etc - they all live within 30 minutes from the venue - in each case they've just told me they've decided to spend that weekend hanging out with another friend.) It does hurt because I absolutely would've made the effort to block out a saturday afternoon for their special day even if we're not 'super' close anymore, out of loyalty to that friendship, and their responses just make me feel like an idiot.

For a couple of them (not all) it's also made me question whether I should have pushed harder to catch up more regularly during lockdown, been more of a 'fun' friend, etc. - as maybe then they would've made the effort. Which is just a really uncomfortable and sad feeling.

It's also made me worry that some of our mutual friends might turn around and also say no last minute, just because I guess if you know others aren't bothering..

I know I should feel extremely grateful for the family and friends who will be there, and for the friends who I know do care, just wish I could stop being so sensitive and get rid of this sucky feeling!

I think what you are going through is normal im eloping because i didnt want the big do but what the most important thing is you and h2b are both there and say i do xx💗

View quoted message I really could've written this myself!!


I too always make an effort for everyone, even if it's someone that I'm not constantly in touch with- recently went to someone's wedding- we probably haven't talked for 3 years. The 20 minutes I had with her at the wedding was great and in my mind I was honouring an amazing friendship we had a while back. + It was like we hadn't been apart.
Either way, I keep trying to remember what my mum told me- that's it's the most important event for you and your other half + your immediate family. For most of the other guests it's...a party. So I try to not pay too much attention to any fuss anyone makes.
That said, I've also and a couple say they can't come because it's inconvenient for them. No particular reason. So I get how you feel, that it's almost like they don't care enough to come. That's how I feel and I guess they don't, I'm just going to move on from that and let them reach out if they want to.
Definitely don't blame yourself for what happened over lockdown, it was a weird time for everyone.
Lots of scattered thoughts, hope that makes sense 😅

It's worth bearing in mind that the pandemic has really messed with a lot of people's social habits. Some people seem to be flinging themselves back into their old life, cramming in as much as possible to make up for the past two years, and others have got so used to hanging around the house in their PJs that it's an achievement to get them to go out for a walk!

I've found that a couple of my close friends are just not interested in meeting up any more now. They just do things with their immediate family. Maybe in time the 'old them' will come back, but for some people it might be a permanent change. I don't think that these changes are anything to do with how they view their old friends, it's just that the past two years have affected us all, often in ways we don't fully understand.

Don't take it too much to heart. Focus on the friendships you still have. Maybe some of the old ones will be rebuilt in time. And you will also make new ones.

Just wanted to say that I think previous poster makes a really good point regarding the pandemic and peoples social habits. We are getting married this July and we haven’t had many drop outs (yet!) but it is very hard to create a guest list that keeps everyone happy and seems fair as well. I’m having to invite people I don’t know who are on my fiancés side. They make zero effort as a family so I haven’t even met his sister and we have been together 7 years! Things like that annoy me but I’m sucking it up. My family are amazing so I will just focus on them and my fiancé. Good luck

Try not to worry too much about this and think of all the guests as both of your family and friends! No-one will be paying any attention to who knows who. People will be enjoying themselves and wanting to celebrate your marriage! Try to remember that the most important part is you saying your vows! 😊
Also I think that during the pandemic so many people have lost jobs alongside the increased cost of living- so it could potentially be due to this. Attending weddings can be expensive; such as outfits, accommodation, childcare etc. Not saying that is the reason or that these apply to your wedding, however it could possibly be a reason. Good luck xx