Rubbish experience yesterday - smear test (def TMI)

My cervix is quite hard to find and has caused a few problems but at my last smear test the nurse asked me to cough and it jumped out of hiding. I she was in and out in seconds! ?

BTW Dulux used to do a shade of grey paint called 'Speculum' - I never fancied it myself ?

?

There's some journal of mediaeval history called Speculum as well (apparently it means mirror ?)

Now you've got me googling speculum hazel!

I'm intruiged to find out that "in very few states in the US, vaginal specula are illegal for personal use"

What personal use could you possibly have for a speculum??

Well they are used a lot in medical S&M...

I seem to have become a veteran in having things stuck up ones chuff this year. i find its actually easier if you breathe out as they shove it up there as it were, and imagine you're trying to push something out of your flange. that seems to make it easier...

Oh and my first ever smear hurt like hell, and the nurse said i had an abnormally tilted cervix. well noone else has mentioned that since. so i'm guessing she was just excusing her ham-fistedness. after all, it's not like i was in a position to contradict her, was it? ?

Possibly the time to indulge you with one of my many stories of medical embarrassement (not sure how many S's or R's, on third glass of wine, though to be honest, I would spell it wrong if I was drinking Ribena)

Anyway, when my smear came back abnormal, I had to go and have the thing beginning with 'C' done (can't remember the name)

Anyway, the Dr asked if he could have some students in, by this stage in my life I had more people up my bum hole, than one should ever admit, so having some people witness rummaging in my front bum didn't bother me at all, so I agreed.

Anyway, up my feet go in the stirrups and the students all started to giggle, I found that quite rude, but got on with concentrating elsewhere.

Anyway after the end, the consultant looked at my face and said 'Thank you for making it all very pretty' I had no idea what he was on about, it was only when I was getting dressed and I asked the nurse behind the curtain what he had meant, the nurse ask me to look at the bottom of my feet- so I did, and there on the bottom of my feet was lots of glitter, silver hearts and stars- I had been making a birthday card before I left for the hospital, I was barefoot and had obviously stepped on the card by mistake!

I was so mortified, when I went to get the results, I explained to the consultant and he couldn't stop laughing, he had thought I had done it on purpose and wasn't sure if he should mention it at the time, but decided it would be rude not to thank me for making the effort, even though he thought it was very odd.

Oh bless you MF that is so funny

Ruby Blue I hope it all went well when you went back. Smears aren't fun but they are important, must get mine booked too.

MF - that made me chuckle

? that is very funny MF...can't believe he thought you would do that on purpose.

I went to clinic yesterday and after signing in etc, the nurse asked me which pill I wanted, to which I replied that actually it was a smear test I was there for - then she said they can't do them there! Aaargh! She knew my nurse and couldn't understand why she'd sent me there. She also gave me the smallest speculum they had to put in my bag and take to my nurse...they didn't have the wirgin one so I'm guessing it's like the one she used originally anyway.

I'm not quite sure what to do now...do I go back to my nurse and give her an encouraging pat on the back and say let's try again shall we? Is it even normal to turn up with my own speculum ffs? ?