Same wedding venue

I'm amazed at people. Why would she do that?! I'm assuming the same people will be at both weddings? Not sure what to say, I'd be furious.

I would be absolutely fuming and ask her about it xx

This smells of troll to me. Apologies if not but, just my feeling.

However, in case it isn't I'll offer my thoughts.

Apart from it being exactly to the year, I don't see a problem? It's not YOUR venue. It's the venue you've chosen but it doesn't belong to you and you don't have a monopoly on it. You obviously chose it because you fell in love with it and it's probable she did the same. I'm having the exact same venue as my friends party with just one week difference. I didn't pick it to annoy her or copy her, I picked it because I fell in love with it and it fit my price bracket.

As for getting married before you, why should she wait until after you? I really don't get that. If she'd picked a different place you'd have no problem I assume? So it just boils down to the venue?

Sorry for stirring the hornets nest, but I think brides can be too precious about 'their' day some times.

I hope you get past this and manage to have an incredible wedding x

Definitely no troll. I just don't want to give to many details. Especially since I haven't spoken to her about this. maybe I am being bridezilla to a certain extent its just out of all the venues she could choose she had to pick the same one a year before not even a different month. Also her first idea was just her and her partner abroad by themselves no family no one its a big jump in a week. She has known for months and hasn't even mentioned this. She couldn't even tell me she got another family member to tell me.

I'm a wedding photographer and, to be honest, every wedding is unique. It won't matter that she's booked the same venue - certainly not a year apart.

I regularly shoot weddings at venues I have worked at before and the second/third wedding at a venue doesn't really remind me of the first wedding. So I doubt your guests would notice! You'd have a year to make sure you chose a different colour scheme and a better photographer!

Thanks for a different perspective Paula. I have already chosen my colour scheme and things that we want at our wedding. And I have discussed alot of these things with her she even came with me to find my wedding dress so hopefully she chooses something different.

I don't think a friend would have been the same at all because its not half of the family that would be the same. None of our friends or family have used this wedding venue that's why we chose it.

I think it depends on a number of factors including personal preference (some people don't mind choosing a venue that has already been used for a friend's or relative's wedding, for some people it is a no-no e.g. my OH immediately discounted any venue which he has attended weddings at) and where in the country you are based (there might be fewer decent venues at a certain budget in some areas).

If it is bothering you that much, maybe have a quick look around to see if there are any other venues you could have the wedding in. If nothing else matches up, then I am sure you can personalise your wedding so that it looks and feels different to your family member.

FWIW, I wouldn't broached the subject with your relative. Even though it is somewhat inconsiderate, I don't think anything positive will be achieved by having it out.

HTH.

I can understand why you are upset about this...but as others have said your wedding will be different to her wedding as its yours!

We are getting married later this year, using a local venue, we're slightly older than the average bride and groom and are now at the stage of life where we have friends who have children who are getting married so have recently attended a couple of weddings of theirs. One just the evening reception but at 'our' venue, what this did was allow me to look objectively at what they had and how we could do things better/differently (it really was helpful).

What I am trying to say is try to look at it positively and have the mindset that anything you don't feel works so well or isn't as well received by the guests you can change for yours!

Hope you have a lovely day tho and your planning is going well.

I'd be a bit annoyed but that wouldn't put me off having my wedding there. You chose the venue because you love it. No 2 weddings are the same and the same venue can look completely different for each wedding.

Sorry, but i think you have a small case of Bridezilla syndrome. They are a year apart!!!!! You cant expect people to put their lives on hold to 'have their wedding after yours'.

Dont cancel your wedding, enjoy the venue your way :-)

Think about it this way, she may have some dos and donts and tips to pass on to you about the venue!

I will get over it but I still think it's a bit sad that she has to have the same date too there are 364 other days in the year. I will just have to use it as a rehearsal for my own wedding. I have decided not to say anything because then it makes me look like the bad guy

looks like I will put buying anything else off until after hers then I can make it as different as possible. I already know she has gone for the same menu.

I can understand you being upset, I think i would be too in your situation. As mentioned in another post, my OH discounted any wedding venues we have attended weddings at. I think it comes down to wanting your day to be super special - and it still will be. When i think about my venue, it feels special and unique to me and ideally i would love to keep it that way. I think it's a little hurtful that a family member would book it without discussing it with you first. However, as others have mentioned, try and see it in a positive light, you will see what works well and what you would do differently. Plus there will be a year in between, so guests are likely to forget how the other wedding looked. I have known sisters to have the same venue, a couple of years apart. They were both happy with it, each sister has individual style and both weddings were completely different. No one compared one to the other, they were both unique and special and everyone had a great time at both. Just remember that your day will be special for the 2 of you

I would be absolutely fuming as well, but that's just me. Especially since her wedding would be before yours on the same date! I mean come on, there's other places and 364 days to choose from!

I'd be annoyed, when I was looking at wedding venues I didn't know that my cousin had already booked her wedding at one of the venues we had considered last year. When she gave me the invite I said 'oh we looked at that venue' her face said it all. It was crossed off our list.

I personally wouldn't be happy.

I have told a friend who is getting married (after me) to check out our venue as we really like it but only a few people will attend both weddings.

This relative has gone behind your back and it's rude. She could have picked any other venue OR discussed it with you before booking, but they didn't which tells me they know what they have done is wrong. I wouldn't be happy, a) for choosing the same venue and the same date and b) for not telling you and going behind your back. That's just rude. If it was a mistake and they didn't know what your venue was then I would probably be a bit upset but i would be ok with it but she knew and still booked. Would not be impressed

Look on the bright side, you can note all the mistakes she makes with hers, see what works and what doesn't and then make yours even better. Ha!

I don't think you're being bridezilla at all. If it was me I'd be pretty annoyed and probably look at an alternative venue. A lot of my friends and family have got married the last few years and I would never dream of even looking at a venue that they got married at, there are literally 100's of venues to choose from in most areas. I think it's bad that she didn't speak to you about it first.

I wouldn't be upset about the venue, but I think you have every right to be upset about the date. Why on earth would she pick the same date as you? It seems very odd. I can understand you not wanting to seem petty, but i wouldn't be able to resist making a comment about the date.

If we didn't loose the 2700 pound for the venue I would change even though it is our dream venue. Unfortunately we don't have that sort of money to throw away. Talking to family I do feel like she is trying to become centre of attention. Her first idea was just them two in hawaii (money is no object for them). But because she has seen everyone talking to me about the wedding and how nice the venue is she felt the need to go there herself.

The venue thing wouldn't bother me too much, though i do think it's off she didn't tell you herself. i looked at sooooooo many photo's of weddings at my venue because i wanted to see what my day would be like. but in all honesty, NONE of the HUNDREDS of photo's looked anything like mine. despite being the same venue. ultimately, it turns out the venue is just a backdrop for YOUR day, and the effort YOU put in, and YOUR little touches will be what shows.

if i were you i'd be happy she was before me as then i wouldn't be worried that she'd be squirrelling away more of my ideas! the exact same date is a bit odd. it can cause a lot of bad feeling- i know from experience. my aunt married on my parents 10th wedding anniversary and it peed my mother off no end at the time, and whilst they're still good friends, it's not a topic one should bring up lol

we can't help falling in love. the same way we fall for our partners, we can fall for a venue. i know i did. and even if my own brother had married at my venue, the day before me, i'd still have had to have had my venue because no other venue matched up to it at all. it is possible, that she fell for the venue in the same way you did, and you can't blame her for that- you love it for a reason and it's possible she does too.

on the other hand, it's possible she could just be a diva who picked it purely to upstage you.

i think you need to do your best to let it go as much as you can. you don't want to let this sour your wedding.

go to her wedding, watch the staff so you know what to expect, observe how you want to do things differently and then one year later have the wedding of YOUR dreams. come that day, the only ones who will be thinking about her wedding will be her and her hubs, everyone else will be waaaaay to focused on you and your new hubs! and if you're feeling really narked about it- evening guest her lol i jest. she may not even come- she might want to celebrate her anniversary.

on YOUR day, you won't think about it. honestly.

good luck x

You could always take a notebook and pen to her wedding and keep scribbling in it. When she asks what you're doing tell her you're making notes of all the mistakes so you can make sure the staff get it right for your wedding!?

I would be fuming but I would be more annoyed at the venue than the date which is different to most people commenting on here. It just isn't something that people do!!

Sorry can't give any advice but just wanted to let you know that you aren't being unreasonable at all.

I see where you're coming from, especially since her wedding is before yours but overall it wouldn't bother me. The only thing I'd say is it would of been nice if she had told you before hand that she was looking at the same venue, that way it wouldn't be as much of a shock! All weddings are different girlie n I'm sure yours will be lovely!

I'm getting married in the same venue as my friend 2 years after her wedding and in a different part of the hotel. I hoped she didn't mind but I spoke to her before I booked it. I went for that venue because the reception party stayed open the latest (we're party animals) plus that was the only venue that allowed outside catering (which me and the oh really wanted) When I explained this to get she was absolutely fine

So maybe there's an actual reason she had to book that venue? Xx

Thank you for all you comments. I was really looking forward to her wedding even though nobody was invited because I could talk to her about my ideas instead of driving my partner mad. Now I feel stupid for telling her everything I'm so worried that she will use everything I wanted. Because my wedding is after it will look like me copying. wedding planning is stressful enough.

I dont believe she has fallen in love with the venue either because she hasn't physically seen the venue only pictures. She has booked it over the phone.

I completely understand where your coming from, although loads of people will get married at every venue in the country at one point, it is a little more difficult when its a relative and when they book the same date! Plus if she's only booked it over the phone without visiting I agree that she doesn't seem to have fallen in love with the venue, more the idea!

Weddings are a very personal thing, and if you are working hard and saving every penny to have your perfect day and then someone else swoops in and "takes your venue and date" of your wedding (albeit one year before) I can completely understand how you would be hurt!

But like someone said just previously you have a whole year to save and perfect your wedding, so take a little notebook to hers and write down all the things you DON'T want at yours or to happen at yours and make your day the best ever, and say "screw you" lol!!

Keep your chin up dolly xxxx

Have you spoken to her about it? even by email xx

that does make it sound less likely...........though that said, i fell in love with mine from the website.... had over £2k in my pocket to book it first visit because from the pictures alone i knew it was the one.

but i totally get your skepticism given the way she's done it this way. i'm probably wrong, and she isn't in love with it, but just saying, it can happen as it did for me xxx

Gosh, this is an awful situation to be in. Regarding the date, as it is so far ahead and if you don't have a special attachment to it, maybe you could talk to the venue about changing it? If you explained the situation they may exercise some discretion and allow you to move it for no charge or a small charge (they are in the business of ensuring brides are happy!)

I think booking a venue before visiting it can be risky. There is a chance that she might not really like it. It's not just about look, it's about whether a venue feels right too, and that is different from person to person. When we were looking at venues, going by photos alone, I thought X was definitely my venue and Y I will check out for comparision reasons only but I don't think I will go for it. As it turns out, X looked good but there was something cold about it, it didn't feel right. Y was the one I liked better even though it wasn't as grand but because I thought it worked better for us.

Unfortunately the venue is booked up two months either side of our date apart from Friday's which I don't fancy having 3 children I would have to take them out of school also we needed that time to get the money together we are paying for it all ourselves and won't be going into debt to fund it . I'm waiting to see if she decides to tell me about it all before I say anything. We normally see each other everyday but for some reason I haven't for the past week.

september can't come quick enough now then I can start planning my own again so I can make it completely different. I wasn't going to do much with the venue because it is so different the venue is enough without all the fancy bits. But now I feel I will need to.

I'd be annoyed, but the main cause of annoyance would be the date.

Does that mean that at your wedding, she will tell everyone that it's her 1st wedding anniversary, and try to make it all about her?

I'm not saying that she will but, considering all that you've said, that would definitely be running through my mind.

That would be the thing that got to me too, it seems unnecessary!