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Dedicated October 2022 Surrey

Save a the date etiquette

Lisa, 2 of May of 2022 at 13:24 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 8
When I sent our save the dates I addressed the envelopes to the adults ie Mr & Mrs xxx, the actual cards had no names, just mass printed, its this date, details to follow.


I am now worried that I've got the etiquette very wrong.
My H2B's niece is complaining to everyone that he children aren't being invited. They have told her that it is only the save the date & that the children will be included. She is insistent that this is the invite & is offended.
We were always intending to fully include all of the family children & make this clear on the invites. She had a large traditional wedding so I do not believe that she could have mixed this up with the invite, especially as there were no location or time details on the save the dates.
She could have very easily just asked us instead of complaining to everyone else so before I approach her I'd just like to know, did I mess up on the etiquette? Every other family member has rightly, knowing us, assumed that their children would be invited too.

8 replies

Latest activity by Hannah, 6 of May of 2022 at 09:34
  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    You haven't done anything wrong, it is a save the date so is just to let them know to keep it free. The fact she has made assumptions is not your fault, she has been told they are invited and wrongly thinks is the invite is her fault. Welcome to the politics of planning a wedding! Don't worry about it, you have enough to deal with. If you speak to her just say you are sorry she has misunderstood, and they are invited, which she will see when she gets the official invite and them leave it at that, it doesn't need a big discussion xx
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  • L
    Dedicated October 2022 Surrey
    Lisa ·
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    Thank you. I know that she is the type of person who feels the need to have drama at all times so I thought it was probably a bit if that going on. I'm just frustrated that I'm bending over backwards to make this big wedding happen when I wanted to elope so that I can please everyone & its still not good enough.
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Save the dates are usually sent to the people who will be invited, so I can understand her thinking that her kids are not included. But it's really out of order to whinge like that. As a family member, she could easily have just checked with you. With an attitude like that, I'd be tempted to wipe her off the invite list anyway now!

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  • L
    Dedicated October 2022 Surrey
    Lisa ·
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    Trust me, that was my first instinct but I am being the bigger person.


    To my thinking, I would never send something that was for the whole family, such as a Christmas card, by adressing everyone in the household, including children, on the envelope so I assumed this to be no different.
    I really do think she's up to her usual tricks & just trying to make trouble. She has the need to be front & centre at all times.
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  • T
    Rockstar May 2022 Oxfordshire
    Tamsin ·
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    When you talk to her give one of those fake apologies “I’m sorry YOU thought the children weren’t invited - they are”.
    Lol, I’m kidding but sometimes it feels good to just imagine turning it in that person. You know she’s a drama magnet, so I’d say just apologise for any miscommunication and then move on. Don’t give her the drama she wants!
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  • L
    Dedicated October 2022 Surrey
    Lisa ·
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    I messaged her yesterday & basically apologised for any confusion & assured that the children would be included. She's been active on WhatsApp many times since & hasn't even read it. I've done what I can, if she wants to be unpleasant that's on her.
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  • T
    Rockstar May 2022 Oxfordshire
    Tamsin ·
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    Exactly! You’ve done your bit now Smiley smile
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  • Hannah
    Dedicated September 2023 South West London
    Hannah ·
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    Hi Lisa!

    I'm Hannah the Community Manager here at Hitched. I'm sorry this has happened! But as you said, this is just the Save The Date and you didn't need to add any additional info at this point!

    My suggestions would be to either make a note on your Wedding Website to inform guests that formal invitations will be out in due course that include the names of those invited.

    Alternatively, I would wait until the invitations are sent out as this is when you would typically include all information and the attendees names!

    We have a great invitation etiquette article here you can take a look at!

    I hope that helps!

    Hannah

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