Sex code words/Pet names

Good God, that's gross.

I'm with the Vanilla one on this topic.

Room for me on that bench too?! (And if not bl00dy well move up!)

Yes theres room as long as you protect me from Miss Rae and her flying gob of jism! ha ha ha ha! ?

? Sorry I couldn't resist!

Is cookie a code word? ?

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhh ? What for though??

?VP Proper legs it!!! ?Seeya!!!

I dread to think! ?

Haaaaaa VP consider yourself dumped!

Hatters you've pulled! And in you're condition too!?

We've got a code word which we came up with when we were younger. We don't do violence but its handy to have regardless. I would say our sex life is healthy but even if its as tame as tickling feet and you have really had enough and need the tickler to stop it still handy.

Guess I thought most people had one feel like a perve now

Our DS has a "Willy Woo" but that's the only names we have in our house. I do vaguely remember DH saying "noonoo" when we first met. I said that was a Hoover thing on teletubbies (he is too old to know that). He only said it the once. I bet he doesn't even remember!

Oh good glad it's not just us then!

If we ever talk about sex, and other 'bedroom' activities, we (I) call them naughties or rudies. Our 'bits' aren't referred to that often, but general boy/girl names are winky and foofy.

We don't have any safety words because OH always knows when I've had enough. He hits me, but only if I tell him to. Had a not very nice boyfriend when I was younger and being hit on my terms gives me back the sense of control I lost. My boy doesn't like it much and is always scared of hurting me, but he does it for me. I've always liked it rough, but never trusted anyone enough before now to take it any further than a bit of biting and spanking, used to just sleep around instead ?

I love innuendos and it drives my OH nuts when I turn anything he says into something rude.

I'm finding this thread both amusing and tragic in equal measure. I'm utterly baffled at a suspected, and now confirmed, motivation for being hit during sex. I've never suffered any kind of domestic violence and so your coping methods are your own, but does inviting violence to feel in control really work? It strikes me that rejecting all forms of violence against you might give a more beneficial result. And knowing that your Boy doesn't like it but does it anyway??? Asking him to do something utterly repugnant to the vast majority of men???

Sorry if this seems like I'm picking on small points, but I'm genuinely intrigued (and a little horrified) by the psychology of it. If anyone is willing to discuss it a little more, I think it could be a really important insight.

As someone who has experienced domestic violence (many years ago) I'm one of those who absolutely hate violence in any form. I could never ever see it as recreational in any way.

I'm not as articulate at Footlong but I'm intrigued, and would like to understand. I suppose, as you say Missrae, you like it, what's the problem.

I suppose even after years of therapy, I know I'll never get over certain things, and realising that it was unacceptable is how I move on. I can't imagine thinking, 'maybe I should reintroduce that into my life' as a possible resolution, a therapy if you like.

Big chats with my Psychologist friend coming up!

I know it seems weird and I felt, feel again now, like a bit of a 'freak', but my friend told me a few weeks ago that her uncle r***d her a few years ago and she now has the same attitude towards sex that I did and since then has found rough sex easier to 'get off' on and is now a lot more promiscuous. It's quite hard to explain, but I guess it makes me feel like I was less of a victim because I now choose it, and it's easier to handle the flashbacks when the memories are interspersed with my current sex life which I enjoy.

I would never force my boy to do it, but he understands why I want him to and we both know it would never carry over into our day-to-day lives. He grew up watching his dad beating up his mum and sister so he hates domestic violence, possibly, even more than I do, but we don't see it as DV because its controlled and voluntary. I think he also doesn't mind it proves to him that he hasn't turned out like his dad (which has always been a worry for him). He knows he can stop himself and is always restrained. It's nowhere near the extremes that missrae seems to go to with her OH, but it is a turn on for me being the one in control - I get that sounds ridiculous and I am usually tied up so utterly helpless, but that's why trust is a massive part in it. He does what I tell him to and stops when I tell him to, unless he starts to feel uncomfortable.

If he ever raised his hands to me in any other situation I would be out of there straight away. Knowing about his dad, I used to get scared when he would lose his temper. I used to flinch when he would gesture with his hands/arms, but I could always see the horror in his face when he realised I thought he was going to hit me, so now I don't. We both know he wouldn't do it. I don't completely get what you mean about rejecting all forms of violence, because its not always possible. If someone randomly attacks you in the street, most people are pretty helpless. I used to be scared of going out by myself and still get a bit of anxiety about it now, but I've gotten a lot better as I don't feel like a victim so much.

I agree it's all a bit backwards, but it's what has worked for me. We hardly ever do it now because I enjoy regular sex more now that I feel more in control about what happens to me and because I trust him completely, which has been an issue for me since my ex.

Sorry that got so rambly.

Late to this, but I don't understand violence in the bedroom either.

We don't have a code word, my H knows if he needs to stop or not (because of pain, not anything he is doing). He's known me long enough to know whether I'm being playful or genuinely distressed.

This horrifies and saddens me, tortoise. Sorry.

To be honest, I'd be surprised if many people understood. It's my coping mechanism and has worked for me, but I never would have imagined it would turn out like this. I've never been good at talking to people about things and use extreme physical things as my way of dealing with crap.

Tortoise, thanks for sharing.

I will echo my previous comments and the one above. Reading this as an outsider, "backwards" is not the word I'd use to describe it. You're both appear to be enacting your own personal tests against some very disturbing demons. Have either of you ever sought counselling for what you've both been through as individuals?

This thread has turned very deep! it was only supposed to be light heartened fun lol... although it's interesting to see what some of you are into, even though it does scare me a little!

This. It strikes me as cobbling together some terrible wrongs in order to make a right.

I'd never told anyone before OH and as I said I'm not one for talking to people, whether I know them or not. I find it stressful and refuse to open up so just give up. I don't think we'll be as rough/extreme very much now, if ever, because the last time I started to not enjoy it so much and actually just found it more ouchy painful and a bit of a turn off. I think this has a lot to do with the strengthening of our relationship in the last 18 months and how he makes me feel as a person.

It does seem like one of those 2 wrongs don't make a right thing, but for me it has made things better and without it I wouldn't be in this relationship, which is pretty much the only good thing I have right now. I never understood sex as a thing to bring people closer together, and was very slutty right up until meeting my boy. Things changed straight away with him and I actually wanted to settle down, but it's taken a while for me to get to the stage where I can completely let go of the crap in my head when we do naughties.

We're currently working on making OH better and after a few very irrational outbursts and lots of tears lately, I've finally convinced him he needs to speak to a professional. Hypocritical, I know, but the only way he's been shown how to deal with anger is to lash out violently, and he won't do that so it's all bottled up. He told his parents the other day that he was going to speak to his doctor about getting help and they said 'Just don't let it get to you, son' and 'Why? Just don't rise to it'. Really? Why? Maybe because he had a traumatic childhood, followed by a messed up adult life where his dad still beats his mum up and his mum is an alcoholic who lies about getting beaten up (to the extent where we were making room in our house for her to move out) to get sympathy and then when the truth comes out, both his parents act like nothing has happened.

Anyway, I digress. I wish I had spoken to someone, but I've always been the one people go to for advice, and don't like to push my problems onto other people. Hopefully OH will get to the docs soon and we can start to make him better, too. Sorry for hijacking the thread

It's not something that I started intentionally. We were really drunk one night and just messing around and I jokingly insulted him so he pretended to slap me but slipped and actually did, and it just kind of grew from there.

E, yes the control is the whole point of it for me. If either of us lashed out in the bedroom, or outside, I would be worried. I would never do it during an argument and I know OH wouldn't no matter how much I asked, even if he was already angry and looking for a way to release it.