Should i invite my dad to my wedding?

Hi,

Deciding whether or not to invite your father to your wedding is a deeply personal choice, and there isn't a one-size-fits-all answer. It's understandable that you have conflicting emotions about this situation, given the history with your dad and the impact his actions had on your family. Ultimately, you should make a decision that feels right for you and aligns with your own feelings and values.

Consider the following factors when making your decision:

Your Relationship with Your Dad: Evaluate your current relationship with your dad. Has there been significant progress in repairing your mybkexperience relationship since he left? Do you genuinely want him to be a part of your special day, or would his presence cause you more stress or discomfort?

Your Mother's Feelings: Take into account your mother's perspective and how she might feel about your father being present at the wedding. While it's admirable that you want to protect her from any unnecessary stress, it's also essential to acknowledge that you have the right to invite whoever you choose to your wedding. Communicate openly with your mom about your intentions, and try to understand her thoughts and emotions on the matter.

Future Consequences: Consider the potential long-term impact of your decision. If you decide not to invite your father, it could strain your relationship further, and it may be difficult to mend it afterward. On the other hand, inviting him doesn't guarantee an immediate reconciliation, and it's crucial to be prepared for any emotions or complications that may arise from his presence.

You need to make the decision based on what works best for you. While I 100% understand and sympathise with your desire not to upset your mum, I think that if you exclude your dad to keep your mum happy, you may end up resenting her in the long term.

Spend some time imagining your wedding, and how you will feel if your dad is there - and if he isn't. Think through the potential problems and benefits of each decision. You need to know whether you want your dad there. It might help to talk through your options with your OH, or perhaps with a close friend you can trust not to be biased.

If you decide you don't want him there, then I would make the effort to see him in person and explain that while you still love him, you would find it too painful to have him attend your wedding as it would bring back so many hurtful memories. Yes, that will be really upsetting for him, but it is a consequence of the choices he has made in the past - hopefully, he will understand this.

If you decide you want to invite him, think through how you might want to manage it - what role you would want him to have and what boundaries you want in place. Talk to your mum and see how she feels about it. Don't ask her if she is ok with him coming as it will then be very difficult to refuse if she says she doesn't want him there - tell her that he is coming and ask her what you can do to make it easier for her. With that knowledge in place, invite your dad, being clear about your expectations, e.g. not bringing new girlfriend, not giving a speech, not walking you down the aisle or whatever other 'rules' you feel are necessary. Do stress that this is because you would find it too painful/difficult - you don't want him to think you are using your wedding to 'punish' him for leaving.

Best wishes working this out - the right answer will be different for everyone, but with some time and thought, you will navigate it xxx