Should my sister be a bridesmaid?

Mmm 🤔, awkward one. If you were talking about a friend then I would absolutely say to cut them out of your life with behaviour like that. But, with her being family, it’s not quite as straight forward as that.


From what you’ve said it sounds like your sister has some long term issues with her mental health and anger to react in such volatile ways. Is she self aware enough to recognise her behaviour and the impact it has on others? Does she express remorse after her outbursts?
My feeling is that it wouldn’t be fair to you to invite her to the hen do if she is likely to humiliate you. Your hen do should be a celebration for you and I’m not sure I’d want the stress of worrying about her behaviour. But if you really feel like you should invite her then I’m guessing there will be a lot of your friends there who will hopefully fight your corner for you if she tries to humiliate you. If you don’t invite her I would tell her in person the reasons why you don’t want her there. She may get angry but at least you would have been clear.
Just because she’s your sister doesn’t mean that she automatically gets to be a bridesmaid. I’m not having bridesmaids so my sister won’t be one either. If you choose not to have her then again, I would just calmly explain your reasons and leave her to react to it the way she will. Ultimately, this would be a good way for her to hopefully understand the consequences of her behaviour. But on your wedding day you don’t deserve to have the added stress of worrying about her.

View quoted message This is such great advice thank you, really appreciated ❤! Yeah very tricky situation.



As you rightly figured out, she does have a long term history of mental health issues and she doesnt apologise after her outbursts and she still thinks I was in the wrong for saying whatever I said. Usually we just brush it under the carpet and pretend it never happened.

The thing is, it can be as simple as saying "you deserve better" (than her manipulative/emotionally abusive boyfriend) that's enough to set her off on one of her swearing/pushing/shoving and hair pulling tantrums, whereas I know my other girlfriends would THANK me for speaking up if they were in an emotionally abusive relationship. It would be really difficult to tiptoe around her because it is like walking on egg shells.

But I'm glad you confirmed what I was thinking in that I shouldnt have the added stress on my wedding day. Thats really nice of you to say that thank you ❤ and yes I think thats a good approach- to explain to her the reasons why! I know she will react badly to it and probably complain to my mum and my mum will probably try and convince me to make her a bridesmaid but I think I've got to stand my ground on this one!

This sounds like a really difficult situation, I didn’t have my sister as a bridesmaid and she was upset initially but when I explained to her that due to her previous mental health issues I didn’t want to put her under pressure and me under added stress, even though she was in a good place at the time she might not be come the wedding day. I did ask her to do a reading which in the end we couldn’t have due to a short Covid ceremony and she didn’t want to read it at the small reception I was able to have so think I definitely did the right thing.


You said she will complain to your mum, is it worth talking your mum through your decision first and separately, getting that out the way and telling her it’s your choice and she can’t change your mind and then talking to your sister together? That way you have the back up and support of someone there that she trusts and understands where you are coming from.

I totally agree with what has been said it is hard when its your sister my sister has accused me of sleeping with her partners she doesnt say anythin to them just me i hope your think about whats best for you good luck x💗

I would have to agree here; etiquette and tradition are one thing, but we live in a modern-day world and this is YOUR wedding.


To me, it sounds like she could be volatile at your wedding full stop, never mind just as a bridesmaid, but I would definitely opt not to have her be a bridesmaid considering all the help and planning with your bridal party in the lead-up… That situation presents many more opportunities for her to lose her sh*t, in my opinion. Xx

View quoted message Thank you so much for your honesty! Yes I completely agree with you.


If i accidentally say something that upsets her on my wedding day I can see her doing something really dramatic like cutting up my wedding dress/veil etc. (she did this to my prom dress when we were younger!!) so making her a bridesmaid would give me serious concerns

View quoted message Thank you- thats a good way of putting it, i'll keep that in mind.


I have a feeling my mum wont respect my decision either, she really wants me & my sister to get along the way her and her sister do. and keeps forcing me and my sister to spend time together

View quoted message I hate to be disrespectful, but my thoughts are: this is your wedding, not your mum’s. I’m assuming she’s had a wedding and had her moment. This day has to be about you and your husband, and everyone will just need to leave their drama and issues at the door. 😘

View quoted message Aww thank you Hayley 😘 really need this support right now!! X

View quoted message My pleasure. Here to vent to if/when needed! Xx

So sorry you're having this dilemma and I agree with everything everyone has said. It's you're wedding day and you shouldn't have to accommodate your sisters behaviour if it's going to upset you regardless of what your mother wants.
I had to think long and hard about whether I wanted my half sisters to be my bridesmaids and ultimately I chose my best friends and they have been there for me during very difficult times and I've attempted to build a relationship with them but just don't get the same energy back.
Do what you feel comfortable with and brings you joy as this is when you're meant to be overjoyed with the love and support from family and friends.