Stuck!!!!

This is hard my close friends dont talk to me anymore after 25 years of friendship they put it down the drain all because they thought i would involve them in my plans but they always new my plan was just us and our 3 kids so this did not go down well if you feel like your friendship is not like it was then the best thing is to talk to her its hard when kids are involved my friends have been very petty they tell their kids not to talk to mine i wouldnt want this to have an effect like that with you where you cant been involved with the child i hope you can sort this before it gets to hard and to late that your friendship would end xx💗

View quoted message This is the problem I want to sort it but all I get from her is she doesn’t want to see me face to face at the moment as she is too hurt 😞.
Even over the phone, I want to sort it as our partners have been friend for 20ish years and I don’t want their friendship to come to an end because she isn’t involved in the wedding!

Can you try going old-school and writing to her to explain all of this?
Tell her you're sorry she's upset, but you hadn't realised how hurt she has been. Acknowledge her feelings, but try and explain why this has happened. Explain you didn't think she was interested, and acknowledge if you were wrong (but only if you actually feel that! Don't lie to her - that will only make things worse)

She might take some time to come round, but if you explain it all to her in a way she can see over and over, it might help.
That's all I've got I'm afraid. Good luck!

View quoted message I totally get you its hard especially the friendship being for so long if she wont meet you face to face would you not just turn up and that way she cant say no you want it sorted i hope you can and it doesnt become like my friendship xx💗 I wish you all the best let us know how it goes xx

This is a thought one! I’m in a similar position in which I have a friend of over 15 years, but over the last 3-4 years I’ve seen her a handful of times. Where as I have a friend I met two years ago and we are much closer than I have ever been with my old friend. I have ask my new friend to be maid of honour with my nieces but I feel I will have this issue when it gets closer!
I think the main thing is that it’s your day, not your friends. I think it’s selfish of anyone to get upset for not being a part of the wedding and the bride in the process.

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time with your friend and you have every right to be upset. I can see how she could be hurt but communication works two ways. She should have shown more interest even if it was sending texts to ask how planning was going etc. Especially as she has planned a wedding before she should understand how stressful ad time consuming it is. I think its pretty self centred to get mad at you for planning your own wedding without her help.


I also think she is being unreasonable to not see you face to face when you're trying to resolve matters. It's adding unnecessary stress when you should be enjoying the lead up to your wedding.
All that said, it's obviously a very important friendship to you especially as your partners are close too. Maybe it's worth getting them involved? Can your partner speak to hers to see why she isn't willing to talk to you?
I don't think it would be unreasonable to text her closer to find out if she is coming as you would need to know for numbers. I would probably leave it up to her to decide if she is coming, otherwise she might turn around and say you're excluding her further.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Is this the first time she's ever done anything like this? It seems really extreme behaviour, and more the kind of behaviour you'd expect from a young teenager than a mature woman.

If it is truly out of character, then I would agree with the PP who suggested writing a letter to her, apologising for unintentionally upsetting her and stressing how much you value the friendship. But it might be worth stopping to think if this is a true one-off or if she has always been just a little bit demanding.

I had a similar situation with a friend who had been my bestie since we were at primary school, and our friendship fell apart before my wedding, to the point that we ended up not even inviting her as a guest (I'd always envisaged her as my MOH). At first, it felt like it came out of nowhere, but a couple of people who'd known us both for years commented that they weren't surprised because 'she's always had to be the centre of attention' and 'she's always had to have her own way'. And when I stopped to think about it, I realised that I've always been the one who's had to give way to what she wanted (even when we met up to celebrate my birthday, it was always where she wanted to go and what she wanted to do!) I guess she got so used to being the one in charge that it got to the point where she couldn't cope with not being able to control my decision making. I was sad to lose the friendship, but after a while, I realised how freeing it was not to have to be constantly dancing attendance on her whims, or having a meetup cancelled last minute because she'd found something more interesting to do.

So it would be worth thinking about whether this friend is truly acting out of character or is she just used to being centre stage and can't cope with not having that role in your wedding planning.

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You have 1000% just hit the nail on the head just like you i hadn't realise how much centre attention. but now I've heard what others have said and i see things from way back conversations plans.

I've left the ball in her court now with i would really like to sort it, (this was 3weeks ago) but with only 19 weeks to my wedding and leaving it now down to her im not felling hopeful and think its potentially friendship over!

I know they say you will always find out who your true friends are in certain times and events but i never in a million years thought it would be this person!

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I'm sorry. It's hard to lose a friendship even when you realise that they maybe weren't that good a friend in the first place.

I think you've made the right decision to leave the ball in her court.

If it's any comfort to you - I've found that now I'm not spending so much time dancing attendance on my 'best friend', I've actually got more time to give to my other friends. And I'm realising that they are actually much better friends than ever she was. Yes, there's still sometimes a bit of sadness at the loss of a relationship that has lasted decades, but most of the time, I'm just happy that I can now spend more time building better friendships with others.

Tota)y get you its down to her now you have done all you can do xx💗

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In a way i feel like a weight has been lifted the last two weeks I’m not constantly thinking in the back of my mine oh i must message ….. as I’ve left it now down to her.

As hard as its been I have just incase decided to create a second table plan Incase I uninvited them. I have 6weeks now until final numbers when would you message to uninvite if it comes to it i still haven’t heard from her in 6weeks already!!!

I hun i think you have done all you can do totally get the other tableplan best to be prepared. X💗

My advice is if she a really friend she understand the circumstances and will for get about been upset and just be their as a best friend and enjoy your day with both you and your partner congratulations and if not then you now where you stand if she doesn't train up I say it her choice

Hi bethany how are things with you and your friend have you managed to talk and resolve things x💗

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Hi Michelle,

Unfortunately she hasn't spoken to me sense nearly 14 weeks now, her husband (my fh best mate of nearly 20years) didn't respond in my FH stag chat and about 4days later removed himself from it. To say both myself and FH are upset is an understatement as we really did see them like family. Give our final numbers in 2 weeks and were going to be taking them off as we haven't heard anything from them.

I had asked to meet up to resolve but nothing so i think its possibly an end of a friendship

xx

View quoted message Oh Bethanny this outcome is not what you both wanted but you have done all that you can both do totallly understand how you feel but what more can you do i think you have not ing left to do how many times can you both try and resolve this its just so hard when kids are involved x💗

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I know, we will still send the kids birthday and christmas cards as they are our god children and shouldn't miss out. Just gutted to be honest.

You never know things may change! but at the moment that's how it is

x

View quoted message That is somethink that will never stop at the end of day they are still your god children and you doing this will show them that you are there and still care x you will never stop feeling like that until you can sort this out xx 💗 here if you need to let some steam off x

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Your a star and breath of fresh air thankyou x

Hi hun what did i do but thankyou x💗

View quoted message Hi hun hows things going x💗

View quoted message All good thanks you, just been sorting my table decorations out 🙂

View quoted message Sounds fun i love all that anythin of your friend x💗

View quoted message Nope absolutely nothing it will be interesting to see if they turn up on the day. I dont think they will come.

View quoted message Totally agree. 🙂

View quoted message What would you both do if they did with you not hearing from them both it would be so hard i would just say a polite hello and leave it at that but thats me x💗

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Unfortunately if they now turn up on the day we would have to ask them to come back in the evening as we will be given final numbers this week and we have taken them off. So adding in last minute or even on the day isn't an option. And £400 is a lot to potentially lose if the don't come. x

View quoted message I agree with you on this once you have to give final numbers when that is done its done x💗 400 8s a lot to lose x💗

View quoted message I think a lot of people can relate, myself included. Overtime friendships and relationships change and sometimes we grow apart. But that doesn’t change the positive influence people have had on our lives previously; remember all the happy memories and the times you’ve shared together. For my situation I’ve seen that I have 2 choices: a) tell the other party that they’ve upset me and I’m hurt and I don’t want them to come to the wedding, offer a gift or be part of my life going forward, or b) leave the door open. It could be that they come to realise that they have hurt you and are potentially in the wrong or at least owe you an apology. If that is the case, by uninviting them you potentially shut the door on any hope of a reconciliation. There is nothing wrong with living your life without people who no longer add a positive influence to it, but don’t add negativity to the situation by potentially opening yourself up to further conflict. If you’re friendship means as much to her as it does to you, she’ll want to find a way to resolve the matter eventually.