Table planning with parents that are divorced and hate eachother!!!

You don't have to have them on the top tabe if that is what you're worried about? Sure people may think it's not traditional but its your wedding not theirs so you do the best for you and your families.

You could have you and your husband, the best man and Maid of Honour on the top table then you Mum and S/Dad on one table with fmaily and your Dad and S/Mum on another table with fmaily, both right to the front at an equal level.

Have table names rather than numbers so they don't feel you're 'marking' them as more or less important by using a table 2 for one of them and table 3 for the other.

At the end of the day they should overcome their differences for 1 day to make you happy, after all the day is about you and not them.

Your Mum and Dad do not sit together anyway on the top table -they sit at opposite ends and sit with your grooms parents. Then your each (step) can sit at a separate table at the corresponding end of the room nearest their partner and so will be at the opposite end of the room to each of your mum and dad, so you still have a top table that "looks" traditional Speak to your venue as they will of delt with it 100s of times

I wouldn't have a top table in your case.

Stick them on tables on opposite sides of the room.

Maybe have a chat too? along the lines of you argue on our day and your out?

Thanks girls, its just so difficult...I have my dad asking if my step dad will be there my mum asking about my step mum.

My family and the goorms fmaily are divorced on both sides....so the top table consists of bride, Groom, Ushers, Best Man and Bridesmaids!! Kept it neutral. Parents are separeted on tow round tables near the front. They need to respect your decision as its your day!

As others have said, you don't need to have them on the top table - you could put bridesmaids, best men etc up there and give each set of parents a table to 'host'.

How close are you to your step parents? If you think the groom's parents would be a bit upset not being on the top table, would you be able to have your parents on there (sat with your OH's parents rather than each other) and have the step parents seated elsewhere?

Or would that just cause a load of hassle that your parents aren't sat with their partners?

I don't envy you - it's a rubbish situation.

RE- my 1st post again for you

Your Mum and Dad do not sit together anyway on the top table -they sit at opposite ends and sit with your grooms parents. Then your each (step) can sit at a separate table at the corresponding end of the room nearest their partner and so will be at the opposite end of the room to each of your mum and dad, so you still have a top table that "looks" traditional Speak to your venue as they will of delt with it 100s of times

For me?

My mum will have to sit with my step dad as she is disabled. My step mum.....well she can sit outside lol

But i think the top table will be me Hubby to be, bridesmaids and best men (there's 2 as he cant choose) then i will have a table just down form there for my mum and 1 one for my dad....they can glare at each other from either side of the room!

I have to make sure nothing kicks off as i have a whole family that have fallen out at the moment!! Hoping they'll be friends again by then.

knowing my luck it will all start and i'll have to kick everyone out!!

My aunty is coming.....yet she hates my guts (reason unknown). She has a thing where she makes people think she is so lovely. She has insisted on giving me a £1000.00 towards my wedding!!! i don't know what she's got going on in her head but it'll be along the lines of "i payed for there wedding as they had no money!" She is also the type of women to where a white dress on your big day!! I told her i didn't want the money but she hasn't taken no for an answer. She'll also be sat there telling people how awfull i look straight after telling me i look lovely, or telling everyone my dress seems cheap. But if i didnt have her there I'd feel guilty and it would start another row between everyone!

Tell me again why i want all my family there!!

Thanks again ladies!!

p.s. sorry its all over the place im at work.....ment to be working shhhhhhh

I think that sounds like a plan for the top table. And personally, I'd insist on giving her that £1000 back even if you have to do it the week before the wedding if she's refusing to take it back now.

I am sitting mine on their own tables, having them all at the top table would end up being stupid and I wouldnt separate my stepparents, especially since my stepmum isnt english and doesnt know very many people at the wedding so she might find it a bit awkward. I am having best man and maid of honour plus us two table, perfect solution.

As far as them kicking off at each other at your wedding, would they really want to ruin your day just to have a pop at one another? There is no real need for them to even speak to each other or be near each other (apart from maybe in photos) but I am sure they can remain civil for the small amount of time they "have" to spend near each other. If they cant then I would reconsider inviting both of them, they may be your parents but in my opinion parents should want the best for their kids and ruining their wedding day is not wanting the best.

I am sure it will all be fine, especially with you sitting them at different tables, helps keep things less awkward for them as well.

I really feel your pain here - my parents are divorced and my dad and my whole family (dads side) hate my mum so I am going to have arrange the seating plan very carefully. My mum has even said she may go and rest in her hotel room during the day as she will feel so awkward which broke my heart.

Your parents need to remember it is your day and not about them! They may hate eachother but they can push their feelilngs aside for 12 hours!!

Hope you get it sorted x

I know how you feel, my parents are also divorced, but H2B doesn't like the traditional top table layout because that means his parents will be on the 'outside' if you see what I mean.

So I am thinking a slightly less traditional set up like this...

My mum, H2B mum, H2B, Me, my dad, H2B dad.

My Step parents are no way sitting on top table, but if you mum and stepdad have to be together then maybe you could have something like this...

H2B mum, stepdad, your mum, H2B, you, your dad, stepmum, H2B dad.

Hope that all made sense! Family politics is such a nightmare!

Remember its your day, you could just put your foot down, but would you be happy knowing your parents are not happy and upset on your big day?

Sam x

Really difficult one! My parents are seperated but they talk (ish)

I am having all the girls up one end and then all the men up the other end as I don't want to split the couples up and I am close to both step parents, thought that way the conversation might flow too as the men will just talk sport and the women can talk dresses, flowers and how lovely I look :-)

I suggested a table for just me and my hubby and split the families onto their own tables but he didn't like that - maybe that could work for you. Just say to your families that it works well for everyone and means you get some time just the 2 of you to talk about your wonderful day x

Just a message for sympathy and solidarity; my parents are divorced and both with new partners. They've been to social events (parties, etc) together before but they've always been able to avoid each other.

My mum recently had a chat with me and asked me not to sit her OH near my dad's new partner because she 'does her head in' (vulgar phrase..she's changed, man!).

I think this has less to do with the fact that they don't get on (my dad's OH loves everyone, even my mum) but in my mum's eyes she was responsible for 'taking' my dad away and she's worried that- like some evil seductress- she'll do it again with her new partner!

It's ironic; my mum keeps telling me that if anyone kicks up a fuss about anything at my wedding (we're not that kind of family, btw...just very....passionate?!) she'll sort them out, but I can see her being the only one who makes a stink about anything! I have images of me giving my own mum the bum's rush from the venue!

I'm having my mum and dad on the 'top' table (it's not really a proper one), separated by my and hubby and his parents. Mum's OH will be sat with my siblings on the next table, and Dad's OH will be sitting with Auntie / cousins she gets on well with.

Good luck with it! Aren't table plans a pain in the a*se?! ?

Do you have a long table or a round one? If long, could you seat your Mum/stepdad at your side, Boy's parents at his side, then your Dad/stepmum on the far side of Boy's parents? (or switch the relative positions of Mum/stepdad and Dad/stepmum? Although it doesn't sound like you want to sit with your stepmum very much....) That makes for a good separation and they won't all be looking at each other across a table.

It's not overly traditional to have parents sitting in couples, but then nor is people taking hats off before the Mums, or not providing almonds for guest. Don't worry about "tradition". I planned parents sitting in couples.

If you have a round top table, I don't think you can work it comfortably - people are either next to each other or opposite each other and that's not going to be nice for you. I'd consider having each set of parents host three separate tables.

Goodness, I feel duty bound to say it. They are your parents. They should be supporting you all the way on your big day. They should learn to put to one side their own personal differences for just one day to support you on one of life's biggest journeys. If they are so taken up with their own issues and can't support you on this most special of days, they should have no place at your wedding. Radical, but I wanted to say it. We all have our own special days and should be supported by our families.

Nobody quite knows how you might feel after a divorce, and whether or not is has been amicable or full of conflict and blame.

And no-one knows what goes on inside other peoples' relationships and we shouldn't be so quick to judge how one human being feels about another and what they should do about it.

It would be great if all divorced parents could put their feelings to one side for their offspring's wedding day, but it's probably not a reasonable request in many circumstances.

According to current statistics, it is likely that around half of the people posting on here now will, in the future, be divorced (maybe not a cheerful thought but there it is) and if any of you are in the position of having to spend time with someone you may well resent, or who makes you feel unloved or unworthy, then I trust you will give that some thought too!

Just give your poor parents a break. I expect they are doing their best!

My parents are also seperated and although they manage to be amicable, when my dad's gf is involved it all gets messy. Even though my parents get on fine my grandparents gave me an ultimatum of "you either invite your mum or us to the wedding". Ridiculous, and funny thing I chose my mum!!!

WRT table plans, I will be doing the trad MOB next to FOG and MOG next to FOB. Dad's g can get ****ed if she thinks she's at the top table, and whatever waif my mum decides to bring will get the same treatment. Families eh?

Well said!!! Luckily all our parents get on very well now, but it has taken 20years to get to this point. When my sister first married in 1994, mum had been left about 5years. Dad and his partner (now wife of 6years!) were happy but there was still bitterness surrounding mums affair (yes, 24 years later they are still together too!) so sis just invited dad and step mum. It was really hard for my mum but she understood that it was what sis wanted at the time.

Thankfully we are now in a position to be able to put all 6 parents on a table together- our table planning issues have come from other family members. My lovely step bro and step sis have barely spoken in 5yrs but are both travelling from different parts of France and stating in the same hotel. They see our wedding as a way to move on, so I've put them on a table together. However, my 4 cousins (sis, sis and sister, bro) have been a different matter. None of them really get on with cousin A -mainly her doing but again she is making efforts to address that- so I can't really put any of them with her. Cousins C and D -sisters- don't really see eye to eye either so I have had to keep them apart too. Thing is, I get on fine with them all- if I didn’t, or if I thought they couldn't be adult enough to let the past be just that, then they wouldn't be invited. End of.

Nobody -even your parents- have the right to cause awkwardness on your special day... Just let them know that whilst you love them dearly and you are making efforts to have them feel as comfortable as possible, you absolutely will not put up with any c**p and that you just want them all to have a lovely time of it. If they can't or won't do that, they can stay at home!!

I feel for you. Good luck xx

Of course, I know nothing of your family circumstances, but is this helping to bring people together for your "happy day"?

I feel your pain! Both sets of our parents are divorced and both Dads are remarried, mums single. We are sitting with the BM's, best man and ushers and the parents are 'hosting' their own tables. This is with the exception of OHs dad who is sitting with my dad and step mum. OHs dad is not able to bring his wife, or daughter (OHs half sister) as it will cause too many problems with his mum.

Weddings are hard work to plan at the best of times but family politics makes it a whole lot harder!!!