Tensions around parents financial contributions to wedding

I realise I worded that pretty bad! Came across wrong! I didn't mean money shows they're interested! I was just offended that they don't seem to realise what an amazing, hard-working and generous son they have. They show him no appreciation or love. I really thought the fact that hes getting married might change this but it seems not; they're as disinterested in his life and ours, as ever. The money thing with them only annoyed me as I know they can afford it. They buy expensive cars and graden things for themselves and then don't even buy their son a birthday present, unless its something he can use to help build his mom a fence! Even the dog gets a present!

Reading that back I sounded like a selfish, money-grabbing person. The leaflets were also to get them to take an interest in the menu choices, ceremony room etc. Not just the cost!

And the suggestion of talking to them would not work. They still act awkward around me though I've always been friendly and relaxed with them.

Argh! Its hard to convey what you mean on these sites. Its like when sarcasm doesn't come across in texts!! ?

I would be livid like your OH I'm afraid. My mum is giving us £600, my dad (they divorced 15 years ago) is giving us £1000. OH's parents are paying for the food and honeymoon which is a significant contribution. They earn more than my parents and have offered to help. They offered to have a "financial chat" with my mum and I asked them not too because I know she already feels ashamed about how little she is contributing in comparison. We are paying for the rest ourselves. If I thought for a second that his parents were belittling my parents' contribution I would have something to say about it. Money is tricky. If your parents have saved that much money for you because they love you it should be a gift with no conditions attached.

This is a toughie indeed.

My parents offered to pay for our wedding, but at 25 years old and having lived in our own home for 6 years we thought it a bit distasteful to accept and told them 'thanks, but no thanks'.

My dad is very traditional and old fashioned and has ensured that there is money set aside for all of his 3 daughters weddings, but none of us will take his money.

This might have caused us extra financial burdon that causes us stress, but I never wanted to get involved with family money feuds.

We have gracefully accepted for my parents to buy my dress and contribute towards our honemoon as a gift.

We have been engaged over a year and didnt expect OH's parents to pay for anything, but they have even offered to contribute towards honeymoon too.

I find it very awkward and embarressing to accept any kind of hand outs from anyone, so we will save as much as we can and pay for eveything we can ourselves, and keep our budget in line with this.

We are paying for the wedding ourselves and have not broached the subject of money with our parents as if we can't afford it, we will not have it. I do think that your parents are being unfair on you and your OH. It was their choice to have saved up so much money for your big day, and to expect your OH's family to have done the same and then be annoyed when they discover that this is not the case is rude.

Totaly agree with both the above statements.

We agreed when we first got engaged that if were old enough to get married, were old enough to pay for it aswell!

I have no shame in accepting the money, if me and my OH were going to pay for it ourselves then it would be a tiny registry office do with no guests and no frills but our parents want a big fancy wedding as much as we do so they're willing to pay for it - and I'm willing to take it!

I feel the same - I would never expect money from anyone, but my parents had saved the money for me and want to give it to me and want me to have the wedding of my dreams. We have been saving for a house deposit for a long time and my parents know that and wanted to help. I'm so grateful to them.

Thanks everyone for your comments and opinions. It's hard for me to be objective because I love everyone involved and want them all to be happy! I spoke to OH last night, he has calmed down a lot now and we agreed that we don't expect any money from his parents, they have agreed to contribute to the suits so we will leave it at that now. I am going to tell my parents that they need to leave it now as it is putting myself and OH in an awkward situation and could affect relationships between the two families. The good part is that OH's parents currently have no idea any of this has been said and we intend to keep it that way.

My OH and I set out to get married and always said that we would pay for it ourselves and never expected any kind of contribution from our parents. OH's mum can't afford to help because of various reasons, and we have had to explain to her that we are fine with this even though she's very unhappy that she can't help us the way she helped my OH's older brother. My parents have 5 kids, and i told them to remember that as i was the first to get married, if anyone else does, they have to remember that whatever they do for me, they will probably be expected to do for everyone else, so i didn't want them forking out loads of money. They offered/demanded to pay for my dress and the alteration costs and that's about all i've let them do.

I feel that the minute money is involved people have strong opinions of it. I've tried to stay well clear of this. I think it's unfair for one set of parents to complain about what the other parents are contributing as it comes down to individual circumstances as to what can be afforded on each side.

I dont think its my business to say how much you should spend on wedding but £23000 is a very healthy budget and you are very lucky. Personally OH and I could save £12000 in 18 months with savings that we already have and really saving every month and that was our budget! Since then my parents, OH parents and my grandad have all given us money to contribute (around £2000 in total) so we have spent a little bit more on a fabulous honeymoon. OH parents could easily afford to give us lots more but would not want to offend my parents so have given around equal, this does not bother us as if we didnt have enough money we wouldnt be spending it, I personally feel as adults and professionals who own our own home etc we do not need our parents to give us huge amounts of money, although if it was offered we would take it very gratefully!

I think your parents should give up the moaning and you should get on with planning a wedding which already has a very generous budget! It will be fabulous no matter who pays or how much is spent!

Good to hear you and OH are getting on better now, that's a horrible situation for you both to be in and you've been honest with him, which is right.

My OHs parents didn't ask about the cost of anything and have only mentioned the wedding to my OH not even a handful of times in the past year of planning, but I don't mind the less involved and stressing me out the better

We had a surprise a couple of months back when OHs Dad asked me how much our Honeymoon was I told him and he generously has paid all bar £800 of it (this was the deposit we had already put down from our own money) and OHs parents have paid off our Honeymoon with the balance being £2,500 and he was absolutely fine with that and we are so grateful.

You never know, your OHs parents may even be saving up to do this for you, knowing that the wedding costs are covered and wanted to offer you a gift of paying for your Honeymoon instead .

I feel you are very lucky your parent s are paying £19,000 . i bet your OH parents feel awful about the mentioning of money. im sure they would offer if they could.

we were planning on paying for it all ourselfs roughly £4000 , but my dad offered to pay for the reception/meal or at least towards it. £2500. my mum has bought my dress ang making MOH dress and also making my cake . my OH parents are paying for the suit hire.

i was really please because we were not expecting anything.