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Sara
Beginner May 2024 Norfolk

Toxic friendship

Sara, 13 May, 2024 at 00:23 Posted on Off Topic Posts 1 29
Evening so I’m getting married in 14 days, and I haven’t spoken to this friend for a month,


I’ve known this friend for 35 years we been to the same schools, collage, we had the same friends,
Ive been with my partner for 23 years, and we discussed with a wedding on Christmas Day last year,
We have been planning the wedding from January
I’ve been keeping this friend in the chat with all the wedding searching and feedback over the months, as she asked me too, but I’ve noticed that she isn’t as interested or excited as some of my other friends are,
I shown her photos of my rings in February wanted her feedback as I was in love with two rings, I had no answer from her for 4 days, by then I had made my mind up on rings, she bit my head off coz I was talking about rings, and not talking about her dog that died 6 weeks before,
I started to show her my shoes, dress, and accessories that I’ve picked and I got no answer, when my bouquet came in March she never told me she liked it, she skipped the question 3 times on watsapp
, I wanted to talk to her about those things as there important to me, but she only told me her thoughts on them a month later, I bought my shoes and dress in Febuary, and she waited into April to tell me how lovely my shoes are, but nothing on the bouquet until Easter,
I had my make up trial the end of April, I sent pics to everyone
that friend gave me a list of all the things she hated with the make up, it was a shopping list, she said you only sent me pictures of your face coz you wanted the feedback, no I sent you pics to show you what I’m wearing on that day, I had my hair trial 3 weeks ago she never saw those pics,
Ive had enough and told her how negative she is and she got negative energy around her and I don’t need it right now, and that she don’t seem very excited or interested in the wedding, if I talk to her about anything to do with the wedding she will ignore my messages, I have to wait for her to ask me questions about my wedding, for me to talk about it, if I don’t she will stop the chat mid way, and I won’t hear from her for 4-5 days, my dad said she is jealous,
I haven’t spoken to her for a month and 1 week, Can this friendship survive? Or do I walk away ?
Thanks Sara x

29 replies

Latest activity by Ayme, 10 June, 2024 at 12:43
  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
    Sara ·
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    A lot of my friends inc my mother in law to be has told me to walk away, a few ladies at work have said to ghost her, I think I know what I’m gonna do, which I’m going to wait until after the wedding, but I want to ask on here who don’t know me,
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2024 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Friends can sometimes feel jealous but do what's best for you my friends ruined all my plans for elopment wedding told my parents I'm 45 not a baby stick to what you feel is best for you it's your day not hers x♥️
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  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
    Sara ·
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    Hi I think I know what I’m going to do, I’m not talking to her atm, she snapped at me after my make up trial last month, I said what I’ve been holding back for weeks, and I felt so much better, I’m waiting untill after the wedding to sort this out, but I don’t think it will get better, so I’m planning on walking
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2024 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Good luck with it all x♥️♥️
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  • Katrina
    Dedicated February 2025 West Midlands
    Katrina ·
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    It sounds like your so call friend is jealous that you are getting married.

    I would stop talking to her I don't invite her anymore. Best of luck with it! Smiley heart

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  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
    Sara ·
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    Hi a lot of people have said she is jealous
    I haven’t spoken to her for a month, the day I had my make up trail was the last time I spoke to her,

    She tried to invite herself to the wedding when I first told her, but she can’t get to the wedding, as we are having a 11am service and she can’t get there before the time,
    X
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  • Katrina
    Dedicated February 2025 West Midlands
    Katrina ·
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    If she wanted to go she could have made it happen. It's not nice with friendship fall apart. Focus on the friends who support you!=)
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  • Valyria
    Savvy October 2026 West Sussex
    Valyria ·
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    Okay so I’m going to be devils advocate here because I don’t believe in automatically siding with the bride in all instances.
    I understand that you’re excited about your wedding and want to discuss with friends and that’s great, but it doesn’t mean that your friend has to drop everything in their life and reply instantly because you want feedback on everything. She may be dealing with her own personal things in life and can’t respond straight away, it happens, we’re adults.

    I send photos of different elements for our wedding to my sister and best friends and sometimes they take a week to reply, but I don’t hold that against them and accuse them of being jealous and negative about my wedding, it means they are busy with lives and they will reply when they can.
    She may have felt that you wanted feedback on your make up trial if that is all you’ve been asking for when it’s come to the bouquet, rings, dress, accessories etc so maybe that’s why she gave you her honest opinion in feedback which you found to be negative because you didn’t agree with it.
    It makes me wonder if you spoke to her about anything other than your wedding (like her dog dying or how she was in general) or if you monopolised every conversation with your wedding, trying to either coax her into talking about it with you or expecting her to automatically want to discuss that and nothing else. because honestly if that’s the case I can understand her frustration.
    I see you’ve since replied to people saying you’re not talking to her anymore, and that is a shame after so many years and especially over her not being ‘overly excited’ for you. Perhaps it’s for the best.
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  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
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    I don’t talk to her just on weddings, when her dog died we had that chat about everything around her dog, I didn’t say anything to due with the wedding for a week , we do talk about other things not just on weddings, we talk about her son, family, her illness, her drinking all sorts of stuff,


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  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
    Sara ·
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    Out of respect to her dog I didn’t talk about weddings for a week
    I only spoke about it if she asked
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Has your friend always been like this or is it just a recent thing? If it's recent, then I'd be hesitant to throw away a decades-long friendship because she hasn't been very positive in the past few months. You mentioned not talking about the wedding for a week after her dog died, but for some people, they can grieve a pet's death as much as other people grieve for the death of a relative. You also mention her 'illness'. So I wonder if this lady is just feeling overwhelmed by life right now, or maybe suffering depression. In your place, I'd bide my time and see how the friendship develops over the months ahead.

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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2024 Cheshire
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    I think this is the only thing you can do I am sorry it's come to this I hope you have an amazing day x♥️
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  • S
    Savvy May 2024 Bedfordshire
    Sarah ·
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    Sorry you've had to go through all this it sounds like pure jealousy! Your post actually sounds like how I'm feeling about a so called best friend, who has done far worse in being negative and disinterested, and on the wedding day (we eloped abroad so no guests) everyone contacted me saying congrats and well wishes, except for her! She has since not said a word to me either. To people like this sad to say when you think you've had such a long friendship, definitely walk! If she cares enough to realise what shes done wrong or cares enough to want to be in your life she would try to speak to you and address it all. Maybe she has her reasons for being this way, but its unfair on you to have had to go through all this negativity at such an exciting time in your life. Real friends will always support you and not make it about them x
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  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
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    Hi my friend has always been like this, so she has seizures, she will txt me and say I’ve had s seizure, if I don’t answer that message she will kick off, she will post pics on her face to get the attention, but she will drink 1 bottle of wine a day, she lost friends due to her drinking, she only come on watsapp twice a week,
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  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
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    Thank you, weather is looking nice for the 28th so far
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  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
    Sara ·
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    I’m sorry to hear that you have been though the same thing, I try and talk to her about other things like I do with my other friends, but that didn’t work,


    One of our friends from our circle lost her mum to C last month, and I messaged this friend asking her if she is going to the funeral? And she saw the message but ignored it, never responded, so I guess that answers that x
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    It sounds as if she is struggling with an alcohol issue and that is impacting how she relates to others. It's very sad, but unless she is prepared to get some help, there's not much you can do. In your place, I would gradually disengage. It's tough losing someone who has been a friend for so long, but you may find that you have more time to focus on healthier friendships if you are not spending so much time on this one.

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  • Azhar
    Beginner October 2024 Pakistan
    Azhar ·
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    You will marry me
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  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
    Sara ·
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    Excuse me ?
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  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
    Sara ·
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    Why are you even on this app? To even ask me that question, don’t you know what this app is about ?
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2024 Cheshire
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    Glad weather is looking good for you both x♥️
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2024 Cheshire
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    Just ignore thead messages you get on her of weird men happens all the time x♥️
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  • K
    Taldy-Kurganskaya obl.
    Kirstie ·
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  • K
    Beginner October 2025 Essex
    Katie ·
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    I don't know, if my dog died I'd want my best friend to be there for me for longer than a week and tbh I'd think that this would be more important than a wedding. Grieving a family pet/loved one is much more important and being there for your friend is more important than getting opinions on wedding planning imo.
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2024 Cheshire
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    Big congratulations to you both hope you had an amazing day ♥️
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  • Read
    Beginner May 2024 Pakistan
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    It sounds like your friend's lack of enthusiasm and support during your wedding preparations has been causing you a lot of stress and disappointment. It's important to communicate your feelings to her and assess whether the friendship is still serving you positively. Remember to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! 🌟

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  • Sara
    Beginner May 2024 Norfolk
    Sara ·
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    Turned out the friend was talking behind my back,


    She didn’t like me being close to a friend of mine, and she tried to break up the friendship,
    She didn’t like my partner, as she thought he was taken me away from her, so wanted me to end the relationship so she could have her friend back, when we was going through a bad patch last year,
    She was jealous that my life is going forward, and her life is at a standstill, and I’m having the life she has always wanted,
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  • A
    Beginner July 2024 Southern Finland
    Ayme ·
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