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B
Beginner July 2022 Lincolnshire

Two Weddings = stressful

Bride89, 20 June, 2022 at 09:45 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 8
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My friend and I (both bridesmaids for each other & our grooms ushers for each other) have ended up with our weddings being booked a month apart, which is obviously fine. However I feel like all her plans have been really expensive and time consuming compared to mine and it’s been really difficult for us to keep up. Obviously she can choose to celebrate her wedding however she wishes, but I just feel like she has not considered the fact that I also have my Wedding to think about and pay for sometimes; it’s been stressful for both my husband to be and I as we wanted to be involved in theirs as much as possible.


Both her Hen do and the stag do were five nights in Ibiza separately (which both my husband to be and I attended even though it cost a fortune of about £1500 total each), she then had a bridal shower (which I bought a lovely gift for), The wedding was in Santorini for seven nights this month (we only attended for three); now she is planning a UK party for end of July after my wedding and she has booked to go back to Santorini in a year and invited everyone again. There was also talk of her wanting everyone from the hen and stag do’s to go back to Ibiza next year! In total she has spent about 20 days celebrating her wedding so far. It’s just been really hard to keep up alongside trying to find the money for my own wedding and plan it.

Don’t get me wrong I have absolutely loved being part of all her celebrations and her wedding was stunning, but I really want to now just concentrate on my own wedding plans for a bit. I feel quite stressed with it all as I am constantly getting messages still in her bridesmaids message group etc, talking about her wedding still and the party etc in the future.
How do I politely, without upsetting her, say that I would like to have a bit of time to think about my own Wedding now & celebrate mine. I also have a lot of personal goals that I need to save for after my wedding so don’t want to be involved in her future plans.

8 replies

Latest activity by Ostira, 28 June, 2022 at 12:45
  • Yorkshirelass
    Super July 2022 Surrey
    Yorkshirelass ·
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    Wow that is an awful lot of time and money spent on one person's wedding plans! I personally think it is quite selfish to expect people to go aboard for hen and stag do's as it is so expensive. We stayed in the UK and had one night in Birmingham which was still great fun.

    I have no idea of your personal finance situation but you have now spent an awful lot of money attending their celebrations! Now I have quite a good job and my parents are being very generous with paying for my wedding but I couldn't justify all that. I actually feel a bit annoyed on your behalf.

    Have you muted the Whatsapp group for a start so you are not getting drawn into that? Then you need to call her and have an honest chat, say how much you have enjoyed celebrating but you now need to concentrate on your own wedding and also mention the financial implications all this has for you and your FH. There is no need to fall out but this bride needs a reality check and to see it is not all about her! Good luck with it.

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  • B
    Beginner July 2022 Lincolnshire
    Bride89 ·
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    View quoted message
    Thanks so much for your advice, I appreciate it!


    Yes it has been an awful lot of money to find alongside paying for our wedding. I work for the NHS full-time and my partner is self-employed, but we have had no help from parents or family with regards to paying for our wedding and we didn’t get a loan (we have paid for it cash, although stressful).
    For my hen do we spent two days in Leeds, which was great & my FH stag was on the Norfolk broads. I agree that having your Hindu or stag do abroad is selfish, particularly if you are getting married abroad too!
    Yes I have now muted the WhatsApp group, but as you know, you still see the notifications and I don’t want to seem rude ignoring the chat now, lol. I just need the headspace to think about my own Wedding and life now!
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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Just ignore the notifications. I would drop the group a message saying that you are going to be dropping out of the chat until after your wedding as you need to focus on organising the last few details and that you look forward to rejoining the chat and catching up once you are back from honeymoon.

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  • Ajx
    Dedicated April 2024 West Yorkshire
    Ajx ·
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    In a similar situation with my bridesmaid, she is getting married a month after us and i'm a bridesmaid at her wedding. Although we haven't got that far with planning hen dos etc, she did mention she wanted to have hers abroad and I already told her I may be unable to come as 1. I've got my own wedding to pay for and 2. I only have limited holidays to take at work and will need it for my own plans.

    We both understand however that our own weddings come first to us and if she said she couldn't come to my hen do etc or any events I would be perfectly okay with that because I understand.

    Just say exactly what you wrote, that you have your own wedding to concentrate on now, hers has been and gone (for now!) and just explain that you have your own goals you want to achieve, and whilst you're glad shes wanting you involved, you do need to focus on your own things for the time being x

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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Your job is stressful enough im part time nurse in a nursing home so stress is not what you need right now i think you need to stay of the group chat and it will give you more time to concentrate on yours has for your friend she sounds a bit selfish not thinking about everyone but herself who celebrates a wedding for that long x💗
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  • B
    Beginner July 2022 Lincolnshire
    Bride89 ·
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    Thank you for your great advice! I think I just need to be straight with her don’t I and not allow it to stress me out any longer x
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  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Think this is best thing to do you definately dont need more stress hope it goes well x💗
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  • Ostira
    Dedicated October 2023 Durham
    Ostira ·
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    Wow! I’ve never known someone have so many celebrations and holidays abroad for their wedding! Usually you have one hen party and one stag do not four! I completely understand your stress, I would personally drop the group and send her a message saying “I truly enjoyed being part of your wedding celebrations and your wedding was beautiful! I am not sure if I can go to your following post wedding parties abroad next year as I need to focus on my wedding on (insert date). Hope you understand and sorry again for not attending” that way it’s polite and gets your point across.
    You should have seen my best friends reaction when I said I wasn’t having a hen do after she suggested a week in Ibiza ( can barely afford the wedding let alone that!)
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