Wedding Favour Dilemmas

I like the idea of making a donation to the Alzehimer's Society as my OHs Grandpa passed away in 2009 after a long battle with the disease - we would like him to be remembered during our day.

Well I feel that many couples don't want to bother with favours and only do it because it's the done thing... I am one of those people. I am doing favours for the ladies because I had a strong idea about it and the favour will be part of the table decoration. I will be making lavender-stuffed vintage fabric hearts- they will look nice and be a momento of the day.

If I hadn't recently made some of these (and had the idea), then I think we wouldn't bother with favours. I don't see why you have to give your guests a present, afterall we are paying for the food, drink and a wicked 50s rock and roll band (entertainment)... I don't see why we should feel compelled to give them little presents as well. I went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago that had no favours, I didn't even notice!

We are giving "wonka" chocolate bars that have a gold ticket inside which will say something along the lines of "we would like to thank you for joining us on our special day" with the date.

Oh, I absolutely agree. But if you aren't going to bother with favours, don't, and then make your donation to charity as a separate thing?

yes but why? I really can see the thought behind it, "oh £100 is a lot to spend on presents that will be left behind. Let's not bother and donate it to the local hospice instead, they looked after my dad/uncle/gran very well when they were dying of cancer. We'll tell the guests this so they know why we haven't bothered with the favours."

If people wanna do it, what's the harm?

How about...

http://www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/ethical-collection-books-and-stationery/HN287920/?ico=unwrappedhub&icl=rightcolumntoplink

So, I think we agree on the following (just to be clear): choosing not to provide favours is absolutely the couple's choice, donating to charity from a wedding fund is fine and raising awareness for your charity is fine. The only part of this process I have an issue with is what I see as the bottom line message - "We looked for "disposable" parts of the day to recoup the the money we gave to our personal charity and we decided to sacrifice your favours. And now we are telling you this on a placecard". I have no issue with a personal donation and a discrete reminder to your guests that you are remembering special people on your wedding day and to honour this, you have supported x charity. For example, I have seen ideas for maybe a sidetable with a photo of your loved one, some pins/flowers and an encouragement to make a donation. But that's a free choice on the part of the guest.

Yes but why is this such an issue? Surely the guests would respect the couple's choice?

I'm not in any way suggesting that I would sit at a table and grumble, that would be remarkably bad manners! ? And obviously, it is entirely up to the couple if they choose to do this, I DO respect that choice, even though I might disagree with the action. But even though I'd keep my mouth firmly shut, I'm not sure if I would have to automatically respect the couple's choice of charity? As in previous posts, what if they chose to donate to something I very firmly objected to or worse, thought harmful?

Edit: sorry, may have misunderstood what you were asking. From what I said earlier:

"We looked for "disposable" parts of the day to recoup the the money we gave to our personal charity and we decided to sacrifice your favours. And now we are telling you this on a placecard".

This is an issue because I think it's a little self-serving. Now, is there an argument that people are perfectly entitled to be self-serving on their wedding day, maybe? ?

Yes I agree! It is self serving and braggy, but so are weddings (I speak as someone who hates it when others show off, but I probably do it myself!). That said, if a couple said they were donating in someone's memory, I would find it moving not self serving.

I'm kinda in the middle on this one guys. I certainly wouldn't begrudge someone making the decision to donate to charity instead of giving me a 'freebie' but if I had say £3 burning hole in my pocket I would much rather choose a heart or cancer charity than say an animal charity (please don't shout at me!). I do agree though that it seems strange to sacrifice a part of your budget that would be deemed for other people on a charity donation. I think that if it was that important for me to donate a sum of money to my chosen charity then I would ask for donations to charity instead of gifts.

Maybe a way between the two is to chose a couple of charities and put on a card that 'We would like to donate £3 (or whatever the cost of a favour is) to charity on your behalf - please tick which charity you would like us to donate to'???