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Beginner August 2022 Berkshire

Wedding Planning with your Partner

Kay, 11 October 2021 at 17:57 Posted on Planning 0 19
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Hi all, just wondering what everyone’s experiences are in relation to wedding planning with your fiancées. I am the one searching for venues, caterers, etc and making arrangements. He cannot even be bothered to come food tasting with me Smiley sad Just wondering if this is normal. Thank you.

19 replies

Latest activity by Louise, yesterday at 19:21
  • Louise
    Dedicated March 2022 Devon
    Louise ·
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    Pretty much I'm afraid, certainly for me. I don't mind all the searching but there r certain decisions u need to make together and it feels like ur nagging them to make one and they don't appreciate there is a time limit! He is being fairly chilled but that's just because I'm getting on with things. Pick ur moments for asking about things. Good luck
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  • K
    Beginner August 2022 Berkshire
    Kay ·
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    Thank you very much for responding Smiley smile Yes, similar with me too. I will do! Thank you x
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  • Charlotte
    Expert April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    I did most of the research an planning but he has always been involved in the final decisions and has come with me to venues and food tasting. If it is getting to you then i really think you need to talk to him and tell him you feel he is not involving himself and you are worried, you want to plan your day together and he is happy so is there a reason why he is not as engaging? It may be a tough discussion but you need to be doing this together, listen to his concerns and work together to plan your prefect day

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  • Marie
    Savvy October 2021 Nottinghamshire
    Marie ·
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    I’ve done most of it. Found a few options and then discussed with the mr which he liked. My oh is really easy going so has left me to it. It’s really frustrating when you want an opinion but other than that I’m quite happy to get my teeth into sorting everything. My ex was a chuffing nightmare and would argue against everything I picked so it’s really nice to get my way 🤣
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  • R
    Beginner October 2022 Warwickshire
    Rebecca ·
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    My fiancé is exactly the same! He comes with me for things like looking at venues etc but he has absolutely no interest in researching or making decisions at all. I am fairly sure that the most involvement he will have will be just turning up on the day! Don’t worry about it, but do talk about it with him if it is upsetting you.0
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  • M
    Expert July 2023 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
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    Totally normal but we do a better job at planning than they do x💗Dont let it put you down x
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  • Mrswdesig
    Savvy May 2022 South West London
    Mrswdesig ·
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    I think it's a mixed bag and depends on couple dynamics and what people want (there are plenty of ladies who would prefer to lead on everything!). My fiancé and I have done absolutely everything together but we are both diligent planners and don't like delegating!
    If you want yours to get more involved, perhaps give him a project to lead on, something he will likely care a bit more about? E.g he might not be bothered about the flowers, but why not ask him to research and come up with a shortlist of bands you can pick together or something? Give him a suggested deadline to help.
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  • Yorkshirelass
    Dedicated July 2022 Surrey
    Yorkshirelass ·
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    Project management- I love it!
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  • Roxy
    Beginner June 2022 Devon
    Roxy ·
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    Agree with everyone saying that you need to have a chat if it really is bothering you! I think i'm the opposite to most couples in that it's me that would happily have no fuss (probably elope) but it's my other half who wants the big party so he's pretty involved in all the decision making. (I'm just trying to control the money!!).

    It may be he really just wants you to be happy and have the day exactly how you want so doesn't want to be too involved too much? It is difficult though as I think blokes generally have very different priorities!

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  • R
    Expert July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    It varies - I know men who have been fully involved in wedding planning (my own OH was) and others who are just 'let me know what I need to wear and when & where I turn up. The important thing is that both partners are happy with the division of labour.

    Is your OH the kind who would be happy to just turn up to a registry office and go home again? If you are wanting a more elaborate wedding than he is, it's understandable that he doesn't want to put effort into planning something that he doesn't want, so maybe ask him to have input in a small area and leave the rest to you. But if you both want the same scale of wedding (or he wants it more than you do) then he should be pulling his weight in the preparation.

    Whatever his reasons for not wanting to be involved, you do need to have a conversation about it - this won't be the last time you have a difference of opinion/outlook, and being able to communicate concerns well is key to having a lasting relationship, so no better time to start!

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  • PhotographybyBillHaddon
    Expert January 3000 Leicestershire
    PhotographybyBillHaddon ·
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    FINALLY there is a use for all of those spam post selling magic spells, maybe there is one that makes your bloke more interested in the planning.

    Giving him a task that he may enjoy is a good idea, I usually find that some are given the task of shortlisting and info gathering on cars or the photography and the lads suits.

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  • R
    Expert July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    "FINALLY there is a use for all of those spam post selling magic spells, maybe there is one that makes your bloke more interested in the planning." Smiley laugh Smiley laugh Smiley laugh

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  • Littlemy
    Savvy April 2022 Kent
    Littlemy ·
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    Mines been pretty good, we both had a lot of input into the important things such as venue, menu and music. The prettier side of things such as flowers, decorations are down to me.
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  • Emily
    Beginner September 2023 Derbyshire
    Emily ·
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    I'm doing most of the planning but he will make the final decisions such as Venue, DJ, Food etc. Other bits he is less interested in like invites etc. Maybe just talk to him - you may find he doesn't care about all the little bits x

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  • Sarah
    Dedicated June 2023 Worcestershire
    Sarah ·
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    I'm doing most of it, partner came to the venue and he chose the actual wedding date. He also wants to be in charge of food and table names. He came to the venue decorators appointment with me and gave a nod to all my ideas. I chose the camper van for him / me to arrive in as he loves camper vans and this was a surprise.

    We have our appointment with the cake maker next Sunday which he is coming too as I told him he can eat lots of cake! lol

    I have designed all of our wedding stationary and just emailed him them so he can cast an eye over and give his agreement or make any changes.

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  • Charlotte
    Beginner August 2022 Hertfordshire
    Charlotte ·
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    My partner has had an opinion on most things, and before we got engaged he had researched a few venues he thought I’d like. This is all well and good until they have a strong opinion on something you disagree with! Haha. I think it all depends on the couple to be honest and whatever you’re happy with, so if you’re not happy planning everything maybe you could talk to him.
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  • S
    Curious October 1980
  • Teri
    Beginner November 2023 Devon
    Teri ·
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    I'm the one doing all the leg work but I'm naturally quite organised and he knows I'm more comfortable doing it all. He has been involved in it all though and he's genuinely interested and helps with ideas. He's arranged his friend to DJ for free so he's doing his bit. I think its natural for us women to enjoy getting stuck in with the planning, but I wouldn't be impressed if my partner had no interest in any of it! Kick him up the bum 💪🏻
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  • K
    Beginner March 2023 Kent
    Karisma ·
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    My fiancé set the budget for the wedding and then decided to book a viewing at a venue that was over that budget..... we both fell in love with it and now its our venue! Since then I have not allowed him to look for things because he can't be trusted to be sensible. I search for things and make a list of the suppliers I would like, then I let him decide which one to go with. tbh I don't think he is very bothered about the rest anyways except the cake and menu tasting so I am basically sorting the rest on my own. I actually don't mind though, he shows a good enough interest in everything except flowers and venue decor so my MOH is helping me out with opinions on that.

    Maybe ask why he isn't helping out more and let him know it's bothering you. Perhaps use bridesmaids for advice if he isn't bothered about the small things

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