What to do - no best man :(

Do you have a female friend who could be your best-woman? or perhaps your mum or dad? No such thing as tradition these days and it is perfectly ok for you to have anyone you like standing there or to stand alone - although I do understand how this makes you feel bad. But the best advice I can give is that you talk to your fiancee about how you're feeling. She knows you best and will give you the best advice xxx

I know how you feel, I don't really have a lot of close female friends so invite tithe wedding and to help me on the day. But look at the bigger picture, are you close to your dad perhaps? Somebody I know. Had always had a special bond with his grandad so his grandad was the best man and it was so touching. Other than that,does ur bride have any male friends that you have always got on with? You have a bit of time, why not go on some man dates with them and see if you can get a bit of a bond going? It's a strange feeling a wedding, you get to appoint where you do realise you have friends, I always thought i didn't really have friends, but something happened last week with venue and dressing day before having tone done on the day instead,two girls within 5 minutes came to me at work and told me it would be a privilege if I would let them helpmeet. So guess I'm saying look at the bigger picture, and perhaps get to know somebody around you,you won't b on hour own with this feeling x

Hello! You're not the only person like this, remember you don't have to have the cookie cutter wedding. My husband to be is also not having a best man, as his witness he's having his sister. He also doesn't have really close male friends that could have done the job. It's just important to have people who are important to you with you on the day, not a male friend because you feel you have to have one. Instead of a best man, my 13 year old cousin will look after our rings, and his sister will be at the front of the church waiting for me with him. Have you thought of who will be your witness? That's the person who can be there looking after you, it doesn't have to be a male friend.

My partner was exactly the same, we were feeling a little bit down as I don't have any bridesmaids either! However he has asked his Dad to be Best man as it's becoming more and more popular! His dad was over the moon and my partner is so happy to have someone so close to him being his best man!

Dont even THINK about the concept of pulling out if the wedding. You will have a best friend there by your side and that will be your wife! Like the others said, is there a parent? Or a best woman? You dont even have to have a best man. Does your w2b know how u feel? How about you just have one or two of ur mates as groomsmen? Someone to wake u up on your wedding day and give you daft marriage advice, but not to do speeches or whatever doeant make them best man material... They dont HAVE to be life long friends who know ur deepest secrets... Hope this all works out for u

Apart from your wife to be, the person by your side doesn't have to be male, a friend of many years standing, blood or in-law relative. It can be someone quite distant but needs to be someone you want to be at your side and someone who you respect. If there isn't anyone you want there then that's fine. Is there a work colleague who you respect who could fill the role. Long, personal, hilarious best man speeches are ok, but a few simple words said with sincerity from someone you've chosen for a reason rather than just because they are your brother, oldest mate or whatever mean far more.

my best friends OH was in the same position as you and had his oldest friend from his hobby circle. This guy was 80 and was over the moon to have this role to play. So if you're in any clubs etc, perhaps someone from there is right for the part. Or just choose someone totally random but that you could trust. But deffo talk to your lady about it.

Hth

Firstly don't feel embarrassed about it, no one will think anything of it on your big day honestly!

As others have said you don't have to stick to tradition these days and if you're close to your dad or even OH's dad or male relatives? My OH is having my brother as his best man. Or again if you have any female friends or relatives you're close to they could do it?

Speak to your OH about it if you haven't already as she'll understand and give you advice, maybe you could both get married and not have any best man or bridesmaids at all, lots of people do this and it would save you worrying about people thinking it's just you with no best man. Could just tell people you didn't want any...and it'll also save you so much money!

My now husband also put off our wedding for a number of years due to anxieties such as this. He had a few people to support him (including my brother). Bear in mind my sister married her husband and he had 3 best men and you can imagine how that made my husband (when he was still my boyfriend) feel. One of our best friends is getting married and her husband to be has never had many friends and is having his sister as his best woman and the bride is having her male friend instead of a best man. The best weddings are individual to the couple and that makes it more memorable.

My husband parents have both died and he was very worried about how our 'sides' would look as he didn't have as many guests. We did the wedding our way - not op table and people sat where they wanted in the ceremony. Create the wedding to suit you. My husband was so anxious about our wedding it became a big uissue between us but once he realised he could do it however he wanted he felt much better and (unbelievably!) really enjoyed our day!

Good luck!

Thanks all for your lovely responses.

Both myself and my partner are only children so no chance of brothers, sisters or in-laws and my female friend situation is the same as my male friend situation (I've never lived in an area long enough to gain any "long-term" friends). I guess one option is my Dad but we're not massively close.

I'll sit down and have a long think about it. I'm just massively jealous of weddings I've attended where the groom and the groomsmen look to be having a great time

My OH isn't having a best man. Like you, he doesn't have any male friends he feels really fit that role - his sister and her husband are going to be making sure he doesn't spill his breakfast down his suit, run off, etc. The ushers are to be honest more 'my friends' (a mix of guys and gals) but we've been together so long of course he is their friend too.

And no morning suits - he is having a nice bespoke suit he can wear again and the ushers are wearing their own suits!

It sounds like you're now taking on board all those really helpful suggestions you've just received. Like others have said, you don't have to be 'really close' to the BM, so maybe your dad would indeed fit the role. It's perfectly fine to just NOT have a BM too, of course! Do have a think about whether your wife to be has anyone she can recommend too if you really want groomsmen to hang out with a bit (maybe the partners of her friends/bridesmaids?).

Something you said in your original post troubled me - "to the extent that I'm looking to pull out of the marriage - something that my fiancee doesn't deserve". Hold your horses there hun. Marriage does not equal a wedding. These are not the same thing. All of these anxieties about your wedding party and questions about 'what to do on the day' - seriously you need to get this into perspective. You're committing to a marriage, which you and your partner deserve. Don't forgot that. Go to Vegas or Gretna Green, or the local town hall alone if the big wedding scenario doesn't suit you. Don't sack off a *marriage* due to concerns over a *wedding*.

I agree with this totally. If you would be upset on the day about lack of a BM, perhaps do something different.. go abroad or have a more informal wedding.

I think having your dad is your best bet then and maybe it will bring you closer, but do remember the point of the day is to end up married, not to have a good time with the groomsmen, so make sure you enjoy the day you have, not regret what you can't have

I had exactly the same situation as you, in fact, it was worse because someone who had previously agreed to be my BM decided two days before the wedding that he didn't know me well enough and bombed out. In the end, I prepared and delivered my own best man speech. I used the time to tell the audience all about the amazing love story that had led up to that day and made some jokes about my attempts, and failure, to find a BM, which served as both a light moment for the audience and some much-deserved embarassment for the guy who bombed. It was appreciated by my wife and mostly well-received by the audience, but it did confuse the Hotel's wedding organisers who were expecting the "cookie cutter" wedding format and did not know when to serve the champagne and final course. Overall though, no big deal.

We're in the same situation of both being only children and not having anyone obvious to make bridesmaids/best man/ushers etc. We've opted for a small, informal wedding. That way it won't stand out so much that nobody is performing the traditional roles.

We're in the same situation of both being only children and not having anyone obvious to make bridesmaids/best man/ushers etc. We've opted for a small, informal wedding. That way it won't stand out so much that nobody is performing the traditional roles.

Similar here. OH has no parents and three brothers, all who live too far away or are estranged. He’s ended up asking a bloke he knows through a hobby, who he gets on well with when he sees him (two or three times a year) and this bloke was really chuffed to be asked.

I’m being given away by my eldest daughter as my Dad did it first time round, so in theory I’m not ‘his to give away’ any more. My daughter was so happy to be asked as she isn’t a girly girl and didn’t want to be bridesmaid like her younger sister. She’s having a tux and looks awesome.

It’s your day, you don’t have to follow any rules at all! Xx