Who's walking me down the aisle dilemma

Hi,

Am afraid it it were me, I would still not be letting my father give me away, he has just presumed that this is his right to do it, well it isn't, just because he is famiyl does not give him any right to be any part of your wedding unless you want him to.

If you dont have a good relationship with him, or he hasn't been intererested, then am afraid I would be telling him that the answer is NO, he is not going to be walking you down the aisle, but can come to the wedding as a guest.

I would stick to what you and your OH have decided on, that sounds really nice.

I assume your parents are divorced? Did you not consider asking your mum instead? My cousin had her mum walk her down the aisle as her dad died a couple of years ago, I will be walking the whole aisle with my OH for the same reason.

I think you need to tell your dad that you have made other arrangements.

My friend was in a similar situation. She has never had a good relationship with her father. Her dad presumed he was giving her away when in fact he wasn't even invited to the wedding.

She was having a very small wedding and had decided that she would rather her dad didn't attend although it was a hard decision to make. So when he assumed he was coming and playing a major role, it was difficult but she stood by her decision. She walked down on her own and she doesn't regret it.

So I would say talk to your dad but stand by yor decision. You made that choice for a valid reason so don't doubt yourself.

Hi

I'm in the same situation I didn't want my dad to walk me down the aisle so I have my sister doing instead we had a bit of a row about it but he has acepted it now and is still doing other 'dad' duties like the speech and signing of the register so maybe you can placate him with those?

Good luck its a horrid stressful thing to do but ultimately I knew it was the right thing to do as I never wanted to look back on my day and wish I had done thing differently!

xx

Yes my parents are divorced...finally. I just feel so bad even though I know I don't want him to do it. My mum could possibly do it and we are close but it just doesn't feel right, my mum lives in Norway and I only see her twice a year if I'm lucky and again she really hasn't been there to help me plan my big day. Maybe I'm just reading into things a little bit to much. I think I'll have to raise the subject next time I see him and see what response I get, he can be quite a horrible person and I don't want him to not come at all because of this. I've taken on board all of your advice and think your right, I should stick to what we have planned

Some people don't agree with the idea of being given away as if you belong to someone. Can't you tell him a little white lie to save his feelings and say that you don't agree with being given away and so don't want to do it? That way it might not offend him quite so much as saying it's him you don't want to be given away by.

I think its a good idea to have a chat with him. Maybe say you weren't sure who to have to walk you down the aisle and see what his response is. If he says he was really looking forward to it etc then I personally would let him do it, but if he's really blasé about it then don't.

My dad isn't even sure if he can be bothered to make it to my wedding so if I were you and my dad said he wanted to do it, I would let him.

I initially planned to walk down the aisle on my own as I didn't think I wanted my dad to do it. I wanted my mum to do it but felt it would hurt my dad too much to do that so going it alone was the best solution. Quite a few people told me that I would need someone to be there as I would be so nervous - actually that wasn't the case as I had no nerves at all but thats by the by. In the end I asked both mum and dad to walk me down and I'm really pleased they agreed. To have them both there was awsome and I am so glad I included my dad both for his and my sake. No-one can tell you what to do - you have to decide that yourself, but I'm gald I involved both parents.

Hi, Like you my dad has never figured in my life. In the end, my mum walked me down the aisle. Which made me so happy as she pretty much brought me up on her own

Yep, I'm in that boat too. It's obviously alot more common than people think.

I had a long hard think about it and decided that on the day I want someone there for the right reasons, to support me, and not for the glory of being father of the bride so I asked my sister. And that's exactly what I said to my dad. It doesn't need to be a bit arguement, you can be firm but still nice about it. If he truly cares he'll understand it's your day and you want to do it slightly differently, and if he doesnt understand then he doesn't deserve to be stood by your side.

I have had a similar situation with an absent father. When I told him we were engaged I wasn't even sure he would want to come to the wedding and then he announced that of course he wouldn't miss my day for the world and he would be so nervous but he wouldn't miss walking me up the aisle. I was a little gutted if I'm honest because I had psyched myself up to deal with him not being there and was planning who else to ask and then he jut assumed. But I've figured it's not worth the grief of upsetting him, I do want him to be there and I'm scared he might not come if I don't let him have the role. He won't be on the top table though and my step-dad will be making the speech (although I haven't got round to telling my dad that yet ?)

When I got married (last time!) my Mum gave me away, as I saw it she was the only one who had the right to do this. Unfortunately she is now an Angel so my sister will be doing the honours.

You need to do what you feel is right