Writing to the Church!

First thing I would think is to deliver your letter by hand on a Sunday service, so that the priest can see that you have some commitment to the church. Also in the letter ask about attendance and registering on the parish electoral role. Also you should ask in it what you would be required to do in regards to notifying your local paris - all of this would show that you are thinking things through seriously.

I would express your reasons for wanting the church in your letter - did you always drive past as a little girl and say you wanted to get married there? Do you have family history of the area. etc.

Good luck with it!

I'd definitely go in person, and speak to the vicar. The official reasons you can get married in a church other than your own are:

That one of you:

• was baptised in the parish concerned or
• was prepared for confirmation in the parish or
• has at any time lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months or
• has at any time regularly gone to normal church services in the parish church for a period of at least 6 months or

That one of your parents, at any time after you were born:

• has lived in the parish for a period of at least 6 months or
• has regularly gone to normal church services in the parish church for a period of at least 6 months or

That one of your parents or grandparents:

• was married in the parish

However some churches are more flexible than others, so I would definitely speak to the vicar first, and make sure you have some good reasons why it has to be that church!

Lots of good info if you haven't already seen it at yourchurchwedding.org

That's great thanks girls!

I figured this would be a problem as we have no ties with the church whatsoever, other than fact that we both work near it!! Neither of us are from London originally, and so we're churchless!!

Hi,

I would suggest phoning the Vicar first, this is what most people do. The Vicar may have another service to go to directly after the service you attend and may not have much time to chat. If you call him you can have any questions written down so you know what you want to ask and then you can follow up the call by attending the service the week after and intoducing yourself.

Some Vicars even have e mail these days which might be even easier for both of you x

We have just booked our church that is outside of the parish. If you live in that parish then you automatically gain right to marry there.

The other reasons as someone said above can be used, but you still need to fill out forms that the vicar gives you to state that you are marrying there through a 'qualifying association' We are doing this because I used to live in the parish until I moved in with h2b.

The other thing we were told we could do is attend regular services for 6 months and then we would be put on the electoral roll.

The best thing to do is call the vicar and find out. I personally would call rather than email. I did that and was asked to call!

I wasnt luckily enough to have a dream church.

Some churches make you go for 6 months before you can book your date. In our case we were worried that by the time the 6 months passed our date would be taken. Some churches pencil in the date and then you attend the 6 months.

Some wont even discuss marrying you iuntil you have done 6 months.

Thye are all different.

Good luck!

X

Hi Karen, yes, that's what I was worried about!!

Thanks for all your advice girls! I went onto their website and it says to put it in writing, including a few answers to their questions. Does this sound ok??

Dear Father *dooby doo*,

I am writing to you with regards to mine and my fiancé’s upcoming wedding. Lauren and I would very much like for the ceremony to take place at The Church of the Immaculate Conception on the 22nd of May 2010. We have recently moved to Belsize Park and have not yet found a Roman Catholic Church within our area, and therefore do not have permission from our local parish priest. However, this could be obtained from each individual family Parish Church. We have chosen to marry in your Church as both Lauren and I work in the area and have often enjoyed walking in Mount Street Gardens. Neither of us has been married previously and we are both baptised Catholics.

Lauren and I would very much like to attend mass at The Church of the Immaculate Conception and would be delighted to meet yourself and the clergy.

We truly hope you will consider our proposed wedding ceremony; it would indeed be a fantastic start to a long and happy life together!

I look forward to hearing from you, and hopefully meeting you this coming Sunday.

Yours sincerely,

Gosh, I never realised that people had to do so much in order to get married in some churches.

We got married in a church that none of us had ever been to before.

The church I was christened in (Church of Scotland) refused to marry us as I no longer lived in Scotland, my H never did live in Scotland, he's Northern Irish. So I called another Church (Baptist) and explained our situation to the minister. We wanted to get married in my home town and had X booked for wedding reception on X date. I explained that we both lived in Northern Ireland, however all my family still lived in the town or surrounding area.

He said the date was free and he would be happy to marry us, he never even asked if H was christened/baptised or even what religion he was. He told us the fee and we arranged to meet on our next visit to Scotland. He never asked us to attend any service etc and actually commented to us how other ministers/churches put too much rules etc onto couple getting married and this is why in his opinion the number of church weddings is in decline. I have no idea of the statistics of it with civil/religous ceremonies, but as a minister for over 30 years he must have seen a decline in numbers for him to make the comments!

Yeah I think every church differs to be honest Memedoaky!

Roman Catholics are always fairly strict though! If I didn't love this Church then I probably wouldn't bother as I think it's a bit of a cheek as we're both Catholics etc!!

My brother is getting married in our local cathedral, his fiance isn't catholic, he doesnt live in the area anymore. he just phoned and the priest was like 'aye no bother!' no probs atall!! maybe he's an exeption to the rule though!

i want to get married in a church which i went to with my grandparents when i was young But haven't been for years and don't live in the area anymore and my fiance has never even seen the place, my mum phoned the minister this morning and we're just waiting to hear back, fingers crossed he says yes!

x

oh, you letter looks good by the way!

Oooh! Good luck LMS!!

I never realised all this was so nerve wracking! Hehe!!

Memedoaky and miss Scatterbrain - if your parents live in the parish then you can get married there.

Zippy, My parents live in the surrounding area, not the same town.

Only my sister still lives in the town, the rest of my family have moved onto other area's. They definatley would not be classed as living in the parish.

Tbh, I'm not sure how they work it, some seem to stick by tradition others have become more open. I think we generally just got lucky. If he'd refused to marry us then we would have had a civil ceremony in the reception venue.

There are alot of reasons that the church can give when refusing to marry, a friend of mine was told no because she lives with her fiance, even though both met at the church and have attended at least twice a month since childhood and my BIL was told yes the minister would marry them then changed his mind when the fiancee became pregnant. She unfortunatley had a miscarriage and he then agreed to marry them, they're getting married next week.

my parents don't but my grandparents do and my grandpa was an elder in the church i want so hopefully that'll swing it for me!

x

That should do it. Have you booked your church yet?