My 'Inlaws' bully me... HELP!

Big Internet Weirdy hugs to you. Sounds awful. The name calling in the street and the texts/phone calls are grounds to get the police involved surely? It's technically verbal assault and is impacting on your life. I'd speak to the police about that as you shouldn't feel trapped in your own home because of them.

It's also quite tragic how this family have nothing better to do with their time than to slag of you. Can't they find something else to do with their time?

I'd speak to your OH and tell him how you feel about it and let him know that you've had enough. It's a shame that you've been together this long and his family are going to cause you to split up. If your OH loves you, he should be willing to lay it out to his dad that he's not to speak to you the way he does. If he can't say anything nice then he shouldn't say anything at all. And he will be civilised in your home and will not speak ill of your child either as that is bang out of order on several counts.

People like that make me so angry.

That sounds really bad! A friend of mine actually did not invite her grandparents to her wedding because they had been bullying her for years about her weight. I think that was a tough decision and her family tried to pressure her into inviting them, but she stuck with her decision. She is very happy that she did so. Maybe this could be an option for you and your OH.

It sounds like your marrying into a really nice family there...

I'm not really sure what to suggest as I have never been in a situation like that but I would make it clear to your OH how upset it's making you feel and tell him to have it out with his dad.

I would NOT change your wedding date just because of you BIL's gf. She will get over it and if she doesn't then she won't come, it will blow over

Grrrrr typed a whole bloody page, then Hitched ate it grrrrrrrr.

I will try again...

I really feel for you, that is awful. Puttingaside the wedding for a moment there is a bigger issue here that needs dealing with and that is the impact his family are having on your life. A very frank discussion is required with OH, not while you are doing dinner kind of thing but tell him you want to talk and arrange time where the two of you can sit down uninterrupted. Tell him how his family are making you feel and how unhappy you are and tell him you need his support and as your future husband he should have your best interests at heart. He really needs to step up and deal with it not ask you to put up with it. Your FIL is behaving despicably and there is no excuse for that kind of behaviour and the whole situation is affecting your happiness and will start to affect your childs in the future if things don't change.

I would even think of moving away. You cannot have a situation where you are too afraid to leave your own house for fear of being harrassed, that is ridiculous. If the main issue is resolved and you still decide you want to get married then the wedding will then take care of itself. Instead of trying to deal with the main issue andthe wedding, dealwith one thing at a time. I wish you the best of luck, I hope you manage to get some things resolved.

WSS

And if my husband allowed his family to treat me that way he would also get the same response.

"You are only a victim if you choose to be"

Thanks to both of you for writing back, means a lot!

I thought about eloping at one point, I even asked my OH if we could just leave and get married somewhere ridiculously romantic, just us, our boy & a few close family members or friends that are happy for us... he said no. flat NO.

I have sat down and spoken to my OH til Ive been blue in the face, Ive broken down, begged, argued, everything I could think of to try and make him see how this is affecting me, and for like a split second I think its gotten through to him but then a new day comes, a new nasty comment or message & we are back to square one.

He doesnt understand it, its like he knows deep down that they are acting like animals but he's scared to say anything to them, or this is their trick, he will ring or go up to confront them and they will either make themselves cry or down right lie about whats been said, and instea of OH saying hang on no this isnt right youre lying... he just accepts it and then Im left feeling so unfullfilled and bloody well let down if Im honest.

Im the mother of his child, how can they not respect me for that if nothing else? they dont agree with how I bring him up either so I get picked up on with that, Im quite strict and dont believe in spoiling him, whereas they are completely opposite, but surely they should go with how I want him brought up not go against it?!

I havent been brought up to socialise with such horrible common people, Im not stuck up or posh dont get me wrong haha but I have common decency! I would never lower myself to scream at someone in the street or to slag people off behind their backs, my mum made such a funny comment, she said they are a different breed hahaha!

I just want a happy relationship, and we get on so well when we are left alone, but as soon as they get involved again all hell lets loose.

The whole thing behind him and his brother has been made out to be my fault, and I dont know how but it got to the stage where his brother barged into our home and screamed at me calling me a slag, ***, bad mother, scrounger, he hates me, never going to speak to me again... real pathetic crap.

he then stormed out and got the rest of the family involved but because me and my OH wont rise to it and wont go around the family slagging them off or telling 'our side' to it because were better than that, they think its true! I have had no apologies from any of them, so my point of view is, when youre ready to say sorry for how youve treated me I will leave it at that and be civil but until then I dont want anything to do with them. I dont want them to have anything to do with my son either, but Im the bad guy for saying that, they say Im playing god with my son, but its not that, if they can treat his mother like that then they dont deserve to have such a brilliant little boy in their lives, they dont see him often anyway and its not like my son is missing out because he has so many people around him that love him, more so than them anyway.

Am i wrong?

Aw hun, big hugs to you. I would think hard about having a wedding in this country they sound evil enough to go and cancel things or cause trouble on the day. Have you thought about going abroad and having 'nice' human beings come along with you? Thats what my friend did, she was much more relaxed about the whole thing. Was just her and her fiancee and her parents.

I wouldn't worry about the silly girl, she'll prob be just a bump in the bedpost by xmas time! I'd tell the FIL and the rest of them to shove off as they are not included in your plans and never will be. I do think your OH needs to wipe the floor with the muppets and if possible keep away, move away or keep away and ignore them as things will only die down once you're all apart from each other. Def worth considering going away for the wedding hun, you want to have a lovely day for you, OH and your baby - sod the rest of them!

Hmmmmmm

Agree with Hmmmmm.

Anyway, if my OH treated me like that, I'd tell him to throw one.

WTS!

What do you mean by hmm? and I dont know what wts means?

x

I am going to make an assumption that this post is for real and give an honest reply*

I am not really in the habit of coming onto a wedding forum and telling people that their relationship is on rocky ground but I am afraid it is. (especially considering I am also here as a professional)

Have a very serious look at your relationship with your OH.

It seems to me that your OH accepts his families behavior because he is used to it, he has probably been brought up with it. His dad has no doubt always been a bully and he accepts that fact. I am afraid you are not ever going to see eye to eye with your OH unless you come to accept his families behaviour (in my opinion you should not!) or he turns his back on his old family to embrace his 'new' family.

Your OH needs to consider his wife and child, they are now his priorities. If they are not, are you sure he is the right guy?

*this is my personal opinion and not in anyway related to my status as a listed supplier. ?

Very sound advice BT. I fully concur with everything you say.

As someone who has, in the past, suffered due to a partner wrongly putting their family first I know how hard it can be.

Sounds awful. You're supposed to be enjoying being engaged and it doesnt seem as though you are.

Could you move away from the area? being in a new place may be what you and your OH need, If he refuses to do that then you do need to ask yourself if he's focusing on your relationship or not.

If it was me I probably wouldnt post it here? Have you not got any sort of friends or un-biased people you can speak to without spreading it all over the internet?

Ok, I just came on here for some advice and thank you to those who have given that to me i really appreciate it, but I dont know what a troll is? and for you who said about spreading it all over the internet.. its completely anonymous and well i just thought with it being about weddings and in-laws sort of come in the package that I could genuinely get a bit of feedback from people on the outside, i think you'll find its friends who tend to be a bit biased.

Thanks anyway but I think I'll cancel this profile its obviously not what I thought it was.

What do your friends think? Do they know what's going on? I couldn't respect a man who allowed others to treat me badly - is your OH that brainwashed?

Thank you hun, i feel like im starting to whinge to them a bit now and I dont want that. I just thought I could get a bit of honest advice, its always easier to talk to strangers isnt it.

I dont know why people are suspicious of me? its only a forum?? or am i missing the point here?

Its not like Ive put all my personal details on here, I just wanted someone to talk to..

x

Never mind postponing the wedding, I wouldn't invite any of them!

I honestly could put up with my in laws treating me like that and certainly would question why OH isn't sticking up for you and telling them to behave.

To be fair, there are some things that I wouldn't want to / couldn't talk to my friends about and like you say - no-one knows who you are.

And re. the trolls business - I'm not exactly sure on the proper definition of a 'troll' but there have been some posts recently from supposedly brand new users where they've ended up turning a bit nasty. I don't know why people have done it and I don't know whether they're people who are new people but with nothing better to do than make up stories or whether they're existing users who've had a bad response to a post and just feel like being a bit b*tchy. They've usuallly started with a big long complicated story so that's why my ears pricked up when I saw your post. Really sorry if yours is a genuine post because it sounds like you're going through a horrid time.

I hope you manage to sort out the issues with OH as it sounds like the problem lies there, you don't really have to have anything to do with his family but you do have to live with him. And as for the girlfriend - what a silly little girl, I'm sure she won't be around for long.

Wifey, it really saddens me to read what you are going through ?. Your OH needs to stick up for you and not put his family first. You and your baby should be his priority and if he doesn't seem/isn't able to do this, then is this the relationship for you? You also need to consider if this is the right environment for your baby witnessing your ILs abusing you in this way. You need to have a frank discussion with him.

Good luck with what you do. I've had my fair share of family problems and found Hitched invaluable for help and support.

I spent 17 years with a man who never stuck up for me and it is like a cancer that eats your relationship until there is nothing left. People start to treat you badly because they are being allowed to so you get double the dose. In my experience ( and it is only my experience ) if he doesn't step up to the plate this will get worse and worse. I would be issuing ultimatums " put me first or lose me ". Easy for me to say I haven't a seven month baby ! The thing is aswell now you have a child these people will always be in your life regardless. But I know how it saps your self worth.If I knew then what I know now I would have walked years ago. Good luck x

Don't leave we're all quite nice :-) I don't come on here enough to know about the trolls but ca understand people being a little edgy. Just stick around as we're all supportive, honesy and frank.

I would have a serious chat with your OH about how you feel. He needs to put your feelings first and need to focus on your relationship before considering getting married. If I was marrying someone and didn't get on with their family I'd seriously consider getting hitched abroad or Gretna Green - anywhere where they can't spoil your plans as they sound seriously messed up. You're welcome to message me any time as I've been there before x

My God...that sounds awful!

I reckon that you need to tell OH that he needs to stick up for you a bit more. Your lives will be with each other in the future, and if his family don't like that then they know where to go.

It's tough but true - it will be their loss!

anyway, have a ?

My OH`s family all hate me with a passion and do nothing but slag me my OH was 23 when we moved in together befor the he had lived with his mum ,step-dad and little sister but altho he was 23 his mum says i tok her baby away from her him and his mum had a huge fight where she scrached his face and it has left a scare but since then i did my best to get my OH to see his mum (my mum is my best freind and i am glad i have her) and eventualy he did his setp-dad and little sister are lovley and have been to our house on meny ocashions and i arranged to go out for the day so his mum would come see our place no toher family member of his has made the effort to come we moved in on sept 1st my OH has fell out with most of his family because of what they were saying about me and how they treated me but if he hadent i would not be with him now and i love him with all my heart but i remember how hard it was at the start i think you need to do what we do i never see his family (apart from his sister and step-dad) and he gose to his mums once a week he keeps us sepret and it works she will be at the wedding because it is his mum and i think he should have her there but i will not be speking to her and she will not be speking to me as for the rest of his family some of them will be geting invited but i have no doubt most if not all will "be busy" as for your baby when your OH gose to see his parents he should bring him because it is still your sons family to

I can understand why some would think it suspicious then but they cant be so blatant like that with people because it does put you off writing on here, its like scaring people away.

Anyway, I just want to ensure everyone that I am no troll, Im not here to cause trouble or be bitchy lol, hope Ive been accepted now, that was some initiation... haha.

Thank you all for responding to my problem, I appreciate all your feedback.

Much love xxx

Glad you've hung around, the girls and guys on here are fabulous and you will get loads of help and support (now you've passed the initiation! lol!)

Think I would be taking a serious look at your relationship first, especially before getting married. If you h2b can't stick up for you, and he is letting you be abused and called, I would seriously think of moving on. Especially away from that area. It won't do your child any good growing up there.

Sorry to be harsh, but just my opinion.

Glad you weren't scared off. I think it's natural that some people on here are a bit wary of new posters given some of the trolls. Especially with a monster first post like yours! ?

WSS

WTS - you need to have a long hard think about your relationship, the hardest thing to do may be to walk away, but you need to think about your child and how everything could be affecting him.