Cheif bridesmaid wants a baby! Selfish rant, help!

I echo everything everyone else has said. You really have to chill. It's too stressful thinking about ifs and buts; just deal with things as/if they happen

If you cant rant here then where can you! rant away! its best you say it all here than ruin a great friendship by saying it to her!

the way i see it is your both being selfish...i see selfish as when you think of your own priorities over others and you are thinking of your wedding and she is thinking of her children and the future of her family both of which are perfectly reasonable! Problems in life always seem to occur when there are a conflict of priorities!

I think you need to understand that if she already has a 3 year old, maybe she has worked out how big the age gap would be if she waited until after your wedding and decided it was too much...i think you need to let her try for a baby and be happy for her just make sure that you buy her a floaty BM dress to save you changing it if she is pregnant at your wedding...

I think she needs to realise that she cant dictate what you can and can't do on your hen do just because she is pregnant, if you want to go abroad, go abroad! it would annoy me that she is trying to tell you what you can and can't do!

overall respect each others top priorities as they may not always be the same!

Good Luck! x

It seems that you have taken on board what people have said already which is good. I just think from her perspective, you can't expect her to wait another year until after your wedding before she starts trying. As others have said it might not happen straight away so I don't blame her for wanting to start ASAP. OH and I will be TTC after the wedding, I hope that doesn't mean my best friend will consider sacking me as Chief bridesmaid for her wedding next year!!!

First, I don't think you're being a Bridezilla. This is your wedding, and you're entitled to feel miffed by this potential change in plans.

However, I don't think you can expect your CBM to put off family planning until after your wedding. Your wedding is a bit away still, and that's a long time to wait if you're trying to get pregnant. (And there may be compelling circumstances as to why she wants/needs to get pregnant sooner rather than later.) I think you have to face the possibility of her (a) being pregnant through your wedding festivities; or (b) having a newborn close to your wedding; or even (c) missing your wedding because she's pregnant/just had the baby/having the baby.

That being said, I think it's unreasonable for your CMB to demand that her family planning dictate where you have your hen do or anything else related to the wedding. Your plans shouldn't necessarily revolve around hers (unless of course you want them to.) I think you should have a serious think about what YOU want your wedding festivities to be like. Whether it's more important to include your CBM regardless her pregnancy state. Once you decide, I think you should have a gentle but frank conversation with her as to what you're envisioning.

totally agree.

I think that you are being selfish TBH. One of my BM's is pregnant and is due a couple of months after the wedding, I was so happy for her when I found out that the wedding didn't even cross my mind!! She has since said that if she doesn't fit in the dress then she will happily stand down, but I will do what ever it takes to make sure that she is there beside me.

Okay it may have been a bit unfair to say that you can't go abroad for your hen, but this doesn't then mean you can't organise to do this with all your friends at another time. I for one would much prefer to have everyone with me on my hen and have a girly holiday at another time.

Funnily enough this thread made me think (depite my original PC response), OH and I have been "seeing what happens" for a few months (nothing as yet...) and this was well before I was asked to be BM for my friend. I have now counted the months and if anything does happen then I'm cutting it very fine! Never crossed my mind to do that before now and TBH we're not going to stop either - I'm 33 tomorrow so we need to get our skates on and I've seen too many friends struggle to risk is for a wedding I'm afraid, though I am now wondering if she's sitting at home fuming that I might ruin her day!? I doubt it though as she would only want what I wanted and would be over the moon if it happened.

I think you are being quite selfish. Just be happy for your friend. You can't expect people to put their lives on hold for you.

I think you need to see how it goes if/when she actually gets pregnant. It's a bit of a non issue at the moment. Do what you want for the hen do and if she does get pregnant be happy for her and get a reserve CBM in case worst comes to worst?

I can totally understand how you feel. Your first post was a rant, but it seems you have calmed down now. As others have said, speak to her - tell her you are very excited about her baby plans, but she is not pregnant yet, so lets see how it goes, and if she turns out to be due around your wedding, explain that perhaps she would be more comfortable just as a guest. As for the hen, as others have said, if you really want to go abroad then go, and have a separate hen at home that she can attend. I am getting married a couple of years after most of my friends, who are now all having babies, and feel a bit like its "weddings have been done - its babies we are interested in now"! As someone who doesn't really like babies, this isn't great! One of my BMs has just had a baby and the other is trying so may be pregnant at the wedding - I was a bit upset about this at first, as I was BM for both of them and made them my absolute priority which I know they will not be able to do for me (although for a justified reason - their children should come first) but have just come to accept it. They are my best friends, after all!

Bloody hell. Are you 34 as well?! You sound extremely immature. You are not getting married for over a year and you don't even want her to be expecting at that point - that could mean waiting a minimum of 2 years from now to giving birth - assuming she gets pregnant very quickly and easily after the wedding which at 35 is not a given. I think you're being a total bridezilla, if you want her to be involved in your wedding and hen then you have to compromise a bit (e.g. not going abroad). Your wedding, while very important, is one day, and you cannot possibly expect people to put off life changing decisions to suit you.

Madness...I would honestly be ashamed to think my wedding could change me as a person so much as to behave like this towards any of my BMs.

You can't expect people to put their life on hold for your wedding. Sorry but you can't. I am MOH for my sister in July 2013. Me and OH decided long ago that we would start trying this August. None of her business. Could take ages to get up the duff, could be right away but I certainly would never change my plans for her wedding. My cousin was 7 months pregnant when she was a bridesmaid and she looked lovely and was still involved with the hen and everything.

Don't stress about things you cant change or stop. Just plan your day as you normally would and cross bridges when you come to them

I think you have been very rude. Opinions on my topic are fine, that's why I posted it and was honest. Insulting me isn't.

That is my opinion. As long as my manners are different to yours I'm happy!!

My manners?! Where do ym manners come into it, surely you mean my views on pregnancy/weddings/ etc....

Thanks for your input anyway.

Maybe time for people to stop being so harsh? I think OP realises she was a bit over the top in her first post, but we all know what it's like when you're angry & just need to rant! Better here, than to her friend when she is so angry!

WSS

Yeah I think sometimes people on here need to think about whether they would actually say to someone's face the things they say online. OP said herself in the headline that it was a "selfish rant", I'm not convinced that everyone who criticised the OP have never had a selfish thought in their lives. it sounds like her main issue was with the CBM insisting that she can't go away for her hen do because she might not be able to go, which I would be annoyed with too.

Wow, well that thread made interesting reading...!

Anyway!

Melandmike...

My Chief Bridesmaid told me about 2months ago that she was pregnant, i knew they were going to be trying this year, it just happened very quickly for them.

I'll be honest, to start with i had a selfish streak in me 'OMG the dresses, the hen do' etc etc! But that just soon turned into disappointment that my best friend wasnt able to do as much as shed like and id of liked her to, the hen do she'll miss out quite a bit on, but im sad not angry! I am so so pleased for her shes wanted this more than anything and i absolutley cant wait for baby to arrive.

One of my other bridesmaids has been fantastic throughout and organised my hen do and done loads for me.

Its not the end of the world, but u just dont know how things are going to pan out yet. I hope everything goes well for the both of you. And goodness dont fall out! xx

I have to say, that I noticed this very soon after I joining this website that there were a fair few members who clearly enjoy being rude and bitchy, and can't wait to add their "This!" (CRINGE*) comment, followed by even more back slashing...

Very helpful comment there.

Yes I would.

This!

? sorry couldn't resist that.

?

P.S. Cringe @ the '(CRINGE*)'

My MOH annouced she was pregnant and due 4 weeks before the wedding, wasn't a prob then and isn't now. Baby Poppy was born on Tues (a week overdue) and i'm looking forward to having her at my wedding.

In concerns to the hen, Me and my MOH went away in March for a wee SPA day/night but she isnt coming to my Night out which is fine with me.

Her dress we bought when she was 6 mths and the bridal shop have agreed to do the alterations a week before the wedding so thats no problems either.

I don't see it as a problem just need to work it out between you if she does get upduffed

?

I love this post.

Seeing as the Hitcher who made the supposdly "offensve" comment has only just joined Hitched I am not sure who you are referring too? Perhaps you would like to say instead of "hiding behind your keyboard?"

*am off to laugh some more*

Harsh?! This 'aint Confetti sweetheart! Who has been harsh?

I miss old Hitched. [:'(]

Not going to get involved in bridezillasish or not rants u cant help how u feel at the end of the day it will be amazing if she is pregnant and having a baby its a beautiful little baby i would use it as an excuse to have a 2nd baby friendly hen i.e spa day chilling and relaxing being pampered. As for the actual day she is ur best friend and on the day am sure she isnt going to have said baby hanging off of her for the whole thing so i think you really shouldnt worry and just be really happy that your BEST friend wants a babay and is going to try for one! x

I am not referring to aNy specific member, I merely commented that I've seen this happen before. And I don't know their usernames as I didn't take much notice at the time.

Didn't take much notice but it made enough of an impression that you needed to come back and have a sarky post?

The OP asked for opinions and people gave them- Not really sure where the issue is? Or where you come into it?

It was an observation, a fair one by the looks of it as there are other people who have commented on it to!