Do You Feel Obliged to Invite Someone to Your Wedding?

We were expected to invite a load of people that we didn't. We worked out our guest list, booked a venue that would accommodate that number but no more, and then told anyone who tried to wangle their way onto the list (or insist that someone else got invited) ' we are so sorry, but we have already invited the maximum number that our venue can accommodate'. No one can argue with that. If at all possible, make sure your guest list total matches the total number your venue can accommodate. If not, just tell people 'we're sorry, but our guest list is finalised and can't be altered'. Don't explain or excuse as it just opens the way for them to argue.

The only person we didn't want at our wedding but couldn't get away with not inviting was the long-term boyfriend of one of my closest friends. None of her friends or family like him because he is so rude, obnoxious and arrogant, but she thinks he is wonderful. Not inviting him would have hurt her so badly, so we didn't have any choice. We did consider having a 'no ring no bring' policy just so we could exclude him, but since she is already upset that he won't marry her, we felt such a policy would be really hurtful.

I’ve posted a lot on here on the pressures we’ve had from FMIL (if you check through my profile you’ll see the whole saga!) but the short version is:
Pressure to invite aunts and uncles to our small 50 person wedding, and a lack of understanding that we’d rather fill those spots with just immediate families and then our closest friends (and their OH’s). It’s not that we dislike the aunts and uncles, but we don’t have many spots and we chose close friends who’d give us a fun atmosphere over extended family members that we’d only see in the context of a big family gathering.
FH is getting stick for not inviting his childhood friends (who he hasn’t been close to for many years) because “you shouldn’t forget about who was important to you in the past” and FMIL is also still friends with their mothers. 🙄
I’m also having a debate about whether to invite the one girl in our uni group that I think is quite mean and gives me anxiety, because ideally I’d like to invite everyone else, and so I’m feeling obligated to invite her too to avoid the awkwardness of her lack of invite being a kind of public statement as to how I feel about her 😬

The obligation invites normally stem from parental pressure, which is precisely why we have not accepted any money from either side a soften they feel they then have the right to I vote people they want. As Chloe said, we cut family out such as cousins as in honesty we are not close and dont see them unless is a wedding or funeral. We want people who are part of our life and been with us in our journey to be part of OUR day!


I have invited cousins to the eve and only 1 had replied, despite me chasing for responses, it had been radio silence which proves my point that these people are not people I want any our wedding.
There is a tradition of family first but these days it isn't that simple as some families simply don't have the close dynic there used to be. My advice now, hindsight is a wonderful thing, is don't discuss anything with anyone! Make decisions about what you want and is no one else's right to demand/have an overbearing opinion or say in your day!

I've definitely invited at least one friend because I felt I had to, and I'd rather have her there than deal with the fallout...
She's not exactly a frenemy, but we've had at least two separate years where we haven't spoken at all, once through falling out, and once through COVID. The first time, we started speaking again because she wanted me to be her bridesmaid, but I haven't asked her to be mine (though I think she's already taken offence at that).
She's just too much stress to have as part of my wedding party, but even though we've had ups and downs I definitely feel like it would be weird, and probably harder work, to come up with a reason she WASN'T invited...

I'm definitely having my only living grandparent there because it would upset my mum if I didn't invite her, even though the woman is a narcissistic psychopath.

I havent invited anyone because we just want it to be us and our kids but of course it has caused problems with family and friends but the all point of the bride and groom is to do how they want it not the guests x💗 Being on here as helped me a lot with my decisions everyone on is is amazing with the advice they give you xx. Thanks everyone xx💗

We’re inviting one person that I really don’t want there because she’s the partner of the best man and they’ve been together for years. We used to be friends but she did something unforgivable last year and I don’t want anything to do with her. FH has completely stayed out of the drama and feels it would be rude and offend his best man if we don’t invite her so I’ve reluctantly agreed even though she’s the last person I want there. It’s the only compromise we’ve made with the guest list and since FH has a valid reason I think it’s acceptable.


We’ve only had one other issue where my parents wanted some of their friends to be invited and I just straight up said no and they were fine with it.