Do you have a dress code/uniform for work?

AJ, AJ, AJ, I thought you were going to post a rational reason for your view there (and I will point out here that I tend to agree with Sparkles that in a professional company I would expect the front of house staff to look smart unless it was in the creative industries. I might not like that people associate casual dress with sloppiness but it remains a fact that they do. I remove my lip ring for work because it freaks the clients out, frustrating but a fact of life)

Now I've given my view on that issue I'd like to ask AJ why you believe dying your hair indicates a lack of self respect? I had a large chunk of my hair dyed pink in my last year at uni - I knew I was going to have to be all grown up after uni so thought I would do something a bit wild and fun as a kind of last hurrah. Why do you imagine that means I have no self-respect? Also, I don't see how you can say you "disagree with hair dye". It's fine not to like it, it's fine for you b2b not to like it in which case just don't use it. To say you "disagree" with it suggests you don't think anyone should be allowed to use it for any reason - I wonder if that's actually what you mean or if it's just a confusing use of language?

I just see hair dye as a complete waste of time - your natural colour only grows back again so you just end up having to keep redoing it.

Unfortunately there is a whole industry built up around "making people look better" when there's nothing wrong with them in the first place. If people put half the effort they put into thinking they are making themselves look better into accepting that they are perfectly ok the way they are, the world would be a much happier place.

Right from a young age children are groomed that they have to look a certain way, act a certain way, dress a certain way, wear certain brands over others to be accepted by others, etc etc - this particularly affects girls - and it's all part of the big commercial world that really makes no difference. All the 'external changes' that people make don't make a bit of difference to the person underneath.

Isn't it fantastic that we have the choice though?

?

That is all. There are no words to even formulate a reply to that.

What the lovely Houdini said.

If you have the time, money and inclination, and really feel that it helps your appearance, then it's up to you.

I love my b2b just the way she is, she doesn't need makeup or anything like that for me to want to be with her.

I remember one ex who would spend an hour in the bathroom "getting ready" before going out of the house, even to take the bin to the gate. She was so insecure about herself the only way she could cope was to plaster half an inch of slap all over her face and use three tins of hairspray to get it 'just perfect' the way she wanted it. Thankfully the relationship didn't last long, I can't cope with someone like that.

EWPanjS

From your response I'd say you don't disagree with hair dye at all - you disagree with the opportunistic and amoral (note not immoral) nature of capitalism.

Oh AJ, you'd find me an absolute delight to look at.

I'm like a walking piece of art with my multi coloured hair, piercings and tattoos...

Personally I would rather see someone with pink hair and tattoos than to see someone slobbing around who has made no effort at all.

You might be surprised to hear that most women don't do these things so that men will fancy them.

I love dying my hair! I certainly don't do it because I feel the fashion industry has told me I need to disregard the way I naturally look. When I was a teenager I had green, red, blue, pink, purple hair (and sometimes combinations of 2 or 3 of those), then later went on to have my hair braided in various colours. The 3rd time I had my hair braided, i was working in a customer facing role for a well known mobile phone company, plus had my nose, lip and tongue pierced. My appearance certainly wasn't "slack" and my performance at work was always very high. Customers frequently commented on finding me more approachable than the more business-looking (and by that I interpreted them to mean un-dyed hair, no piercings) staff. It helped that a large part of our customer base were students, so the way I looked fitted in well with our demographic.

Anyway, I now work from home so don't have a dress code other than 'comfortable'. At the moment that consists of jeans, mismatched socks, a black vest top and a huge grey cardigan. Tomorrow I may wear a tutu.

No one is perfect.

We all have some level of an insecurity in our life, but there is nothing wrong in trying to make one feel better about themselves in however formthey see fit, if its dying their hair, having cosmetic surgery - who are we to judge!

Wow AJ, I'd gathered that you're a chauvinist anyway but do you really believe that women wear make-up solely to attract men?

You have no idea about me, you really don't.

Sadly I think over the last few months I've gotten a VERY good idea of you and your opinions.

I'm marginally relieved that I know nothing about you.

And you really have no idea on why people get piercings, tattoos, dye their hair or wear make up.

So AJ, would you find it acceptable if someone turned up to work in a baggy old stained tee, tracky bottoms and greasy hair scraped back in a scrunchy? Is that more acceptable than dyed hair?

I think if AJ believes everyone should look as nature intended, we should all wander around nekkid! After all, aren't clothes just another extension of the evil capitalist fashion industry, determined to impose another person's idea of identity on us?

No, not at all.

I think you're confusing "looking acceptable" with "unnecessary effort".

But you admit that you must go to a certain effort in order to be accepted? And what you deem acceptable may not correlate with other people's expectations.

For me, a grey hair on my head is unacceptable, therefore it must be dyed. Nothing to do with what you, my husband or society thinks, it's about what I deem as acceptable for me.

The fact that I LOVE wearing makeup, dying my hair, getting eyelash extensions, wearing fake tan is all to do with me and the way it makes me feel. My H has told me that he prefers the way I am naturally but I like to make an effort.

AJ are you against soap and toothpaste as well?

But who decides whether it's necessary?

I might look hideous without make up and therefore it would be necessary for the sake of everyone else!

(Although admittedly I only wear make up for nights out as I'm a lazy bum)

"Unnecessary" by your definition. Not by the person who chooses to take time over his/her appearance and decides they would like to look a particular way. I reserve the right to spend the day slobbing around in jeans and a t-shirt with no make-up on and hair I haven't washed since yesterday. I also reserve the right to spend an hour in the bathroom, cover my eyes in intricate combinations of eyeshadow, eyeliner and mascara, paint my nails bright colours and totter about in a dress and absurdly high heels. It's my choice and you have no right to judge or try to impose your own puritanical views.

Here's a question for you, aj.

I expect my husband to exercise to keep trim and healthy. When we go to nice places or he comes to support me at an event I'm hosting, I expect him to dress smartly. I expect my husband to have clean hair and nails. I expect him to have dental treatment to keep those nashers of his pearly white. I expect him to look after his skin, to ensure neither ear or nasal hair is sprouting and that his eyebrows are under control. I expect him to make the best of himself.

Do you think any of that is unreasonable?

And before anyone argues with CB... I'm sure that, like all of us, if her Hubby (or our OHs) got a bit chubbier, didn't brush his hair, or wanted to have a slobby day in trackie bottoms, realistically she/we would not love them any less and obviously love them for who they are.

The point being that it's nice for us to make a bit of an effort and that it is necessary

I apologise for the complete lack of proper english in that post

Sounds to me like a trick question that you'll have a smart answer for however I reply.

I suppose it's all down to what your expectations are. If you have certain expectations and he is happy to pander to them, then that's great. I wouldn't put conditions like that on my b2b as it's her choice to look how she looks. However, in that, I would expect her to take my opinions into consideration, as I would hers. It depends I suppose whether you're both happy with each other as you are, or not.

Today my husband looks like Angelos from Shooting Stars. He tells me when my mantash/ monobrow needs threading (rarely, as I always notice way before him) and I, in turn tell him when he has Dennis Healy eyebrows.

That's love for you.

For the record I wouldnt expect my man to pluck his brows, however nose hair is a whole different kettle of fish!

NB2B - I would never begrudge anyone some time to relax/slob out. Goodness, I work from home in yoga pants and vest tops most of the time so hardly glamourama! I want him to be fit and healthy so we can grow old and wrinkly together. I want him to be smart and make an effort sometimes because it makes him feel good and look good. I don't want his facial hair to be long enough to catch insects with. I love him for who he is but making an effort is important. In the very same way I make an effort for him - because that's what he deserves.

This is the crux of my issue with aj's posts and I would like to try to understand the position you're coming from but without any coherent response from him I can't even begin to.

x/posted with aj. Thanks for your response. Nice to see you think I have a smart answer lined up to trick you. Paranoid, much? Do you think any of my requests to my husband are unreasonable? If so, I'd like to know why, please. Completely free rein if anyone else thinks I'm unreasonable. I shan't be offended, just interested to know.

Me neither but when there's a single, long crazy hair? Like those fish monsters from the deep?