Have you changed your engagement ring because you didn't like it?!!!

Nope - when my OH proposed he didn't have a ring (he knows how fussy I am about jewellery!), so he proposed without the ring, and we chose the ring together

I asked my b2b what sort of thing she'd like as a ring, and she pointed out a few from the Argos catalogue of the sort of style and gems she liked, and I then went to the jewelers armed with those pictures and picked the one I thought she'd like the most, and it seems that I got it "perfect". I'd have been really upset if she'd basically turned round and said "this is crap, can we go swap it for something nicer".

I think you are right, it's wrong to change it because, let's face it, although you are wearing it, it is a present from your partner and consequently should be appreciated as such. Does it really matter if it doesn't have a big enough stone or enough bling or whatever?

You do, after all, get the chance to pick your own wedding ring, so you can get one you "like more" in whatever style you want to go with it.

I've never understood why an engagement ring is meant to be more extravagant than the wedding ring, after all surely the wedding is more important than the engagement?

This was it for me, the fact he bought it and picked it cos it made him think of me means more to me then what it looked like!! turns out he got it right anyway as he knows i dont like solitaire rings ?

I do agree, even if I wasn't head over heel about my ring I wouldn't ask him to change it as he bought it with you in mind. He obviously likes it and thought you would too.

H didn't have a ring when he proposed but the next day his mum gave me her engagement ring to try. It's gorgeous and I wouldn't change it for the world but I don't think I could have even if it was hideous because of his mum giving it to us/me.

AJ my engagement ring is faaaar more extravagant than my plain wedding band. (I didn't want anything too fancy so it didn't clash/detract from the first one!) I think because people traditionally see the engagement ring for ages before the wedding it's usually the flashier one and the wedding ring compliments that

I am getting very confused here with 2 Spangles on the board. Have we got some identity theft going on here?!

My OH and I chose mine together, he put a lot of input into the one we chose though.

It's a tough question really, how do you thingk your OH would take it if you said you weren't sure about the one he chose? Would he be upset or would he be ok about changing it do you think?

While it is a gift from the man you love I think it's important that you don't cringe every time you look at it, you are the one wearing it after all

I don't think you should change it at all - it is a present and he would no doubt be really hurt if you said you didn't like it.

Also, it is a reflection of where you are now in your lives - we have bought a house and are both just starting out in our careers (in fact, OH is still training to become a doctor), and the fact that he bought me this ring is a symbol of a lot, for me.

Traditionally it was a bethrothal gift representing future agreement to marriage. Wedding rings used to be connected to the exchange of valuables between families rather than a symbol of love and devotion.

Anyway, if you really don't like it and your fiance won't be offended, ask him if you can change it. Just be careful not to put any additional financial pressure on him. Personally I wouldn't dream of doing anything like that but then I do get to say that from my lofty tower of someone married who was given the most perfect engagement ring for her.

And WRBS about names!

I had to change my engagement ring as my original one was faulty. I agonised for ages about telling my OH about the problem as I felt emotionally attached to my original ER, but in the end I knew I had to do something about it. The shop couldn't fix the problem and so offered to exchange it

I would say that if it is really bothering you then speak to your OH, however you need to be prepared that he may feel hurt that you don't like his choice. Maybe ask yourself what is more important?

I would ask to change it. But then again that's a reflection of the sort of people we are... he would NEVER buy something so expensive without consulting me, and in actual fact we chose my ring together. He knows full well how fussy I am and knows me better than to choose a ring without me. And for my part I am happy to forgo surprises and don't expect any off him!

I vote to change, but do it in a very nice way, and only if you think he will not be offended. If it's the setting and the band you dislike, and not the actual diamond, then it's not the price or the size of the diamond at issue and so has nothing to do with where you are in your lives. Say that you do like the ring, but would it be okay if the diamond could be reset slightly to make it more your taste?

Mr C had my ring designed and made and I love it... he had made a note of all the things I said I liked.. Princess Cut Diamond, White Gold, Simple setting...

However, had I not, I think he would rather I told him early on. Many years ago he bought me ruby earrings and a ruby necklace for my birthday and a matching ruby ring for Christmas. I did the usual thank-you it's lovely as I felt I should (we had only been together a year or so), and the jewellery is lovely, just sooo not me. I don't wear red or gold and so they have remained in the boxes to this day. When he finally asked we why I don't wear them he told me that if I had told him at the time he wouldnt have been offended and would have changed them but it's too late now. We are looking into getting the stones reset into something more my taste and he still teases me about it now (which I hate!)

I can't imagine that most men would not do their research before buying such an expensive and important piece of jewellery.

I had a very specific idea of the engaement ring i wanted and had had for many years, OH was aware of this but when he went shopping he looked at the style i wanted and at others and he chose something that he felt was more engagement ring style but with a modern style. he spent days choosing it and the fact that he spent so much time and put so much effort in to picking the ring he wanted to propose with, it means so much more than having 'my dream ring'.

My advice would be not to look at any other rings in the shop!

I was in exactly the same boat as you....df took our little boy and they picked out my ring together....he said they picked it because he didn't like the plain rings with one stone and wanted something different. Bless him, there was much thought into what he liked, but not much into what I would like.

I certainly did not love it and it was nothing like what I had in mind. I stewed for ages over what to do as he is quite sensitive and I knew he would be really upset. I did mention my concerns about it being really chunky on my finger and blamed it on my manly hands. He said very reluctantly that we could change it, but in the end I decided that it DID mean more to me that it was the ring that he proposed with and that they picked out, so any other although would look nicer would not have that sentimental meaning.

Fast forward 6 months on and it has hugely grown on me and I really do love it now.

Just my experience....you may grow to really love it.

Its a difficult one this. I have the same feeling as you that because your OH chose it for you, you should keep it. At the same time you do have to like it to be able to wear it. But does the sentimental value attached not outweigh that for you?

I chose my ER so don't have exactly the same problem. But we had a lot of problems with mine and often I don't wear it because i'm terrified of breaking it, but the sentimental value stopped me just changing it full stop.

I wouldn' say that it was wrong, or makes you an evil cow (as trickers put it) but I would never dream of changing my ER. I love it because it was chosen by my OH on his own. the sneaky man even managed to get me to tell him what i liked and my ring size without me even realising that's what he was up to. My ring reminds me of him every time i look at it and for that reason alone i would never change it.

But it's entirely your decision. you know your OH better than anyone, so your bound to know how he'd react if you said you wanted to change your ring.

I love mine but the way the diamond is set means I have to get a wedding ring made with a cut out of it - so I am having my ER reshaped so they fit flush instead

I know lots of woman who don't like their engagement ring and secretly want to change it. One of my friends did just that, as her OH had bought her an eternity ring, which she felt looked more like a wedding ring. He bought her a new solitaire ring instead.He wasn't upset by this either I should point out and was happy to get her another.

It's ok - I knew what you meant - apologies to all concerned if i made it sound like this was the case!

I know you were joking Trickers... but this has made me think...

In our marriage vows I promised my husband, "I will be open and honest with you always". I actually think he would be MORE upset if I pretended to like something he'd given me. He'd much rather I was just honest with him, than find out months or years later perhaps that I'd not been truthful. Anyway, I am 22 and plan to spend the next 50 years or more (hopefully) with this man, so it's best he finds out now what jewellery I like ? (although in the interests of disclosure, as I said in my last post, he'd never spend so much money without consulting me anyway, so it's not an issue for us!).

Neither did mine! We chose it together.

My OH did a lot of research beforehand and designed the ring himself so the fact that he went to all that effort means more to me than the ring itself does. It just happens to be a bonus that I love the ring he chose, but had he chosen something else I would still love it as he put thought into choosing it.

The original question wasn't about whether it was ok to tell your partner they'd not spent enough on your ring, or it wasn't blingy enough. (I think had the OP come on and said "my OH spent a tenner at Elizabeth Duke, is it ok to tell him I want something more expensive?" the answers would have been far more along the same lines as yours, but it wasn't.) Personally I'd have to weigh up how much I might hurt the OH's feelings, vs how much I didn't like the ring. I had an input in mine, as the OH didn't want to spend lots of money on something I might not love, which was great as it means the ring I have is perfect. If he hadn't consulted me at all though, and then proposed with a yellow gold band with a heart shaped pink diamond in it (please don't take offence if this is your ring, it's just that it would be about my least favourite style) then I would tell him, tactfully, how grateful I was for the ring, how much I loved him and couldn't wait to marry him, but that the ring wasn't to my taste and that if there was any possibility of exchanging it for another I'd really prefer to.

I think if I had chosen my own I may have picked one a bit different... but the one he chose is lovely and it's vintage which I deffo wanted. More to the point, I love the fact that he chose it and spent ages agonising over it. He said that when he saw my ring he knew he would propose. There is NO WAY I would swap for those reasons.

It is obvs up to you what you do, but I think you should keep it. For one, you will most likely hurt his feelings. Also, it will hold many precious memories in years to come and these are priceless.

Same here RB - as it was, the one he pointed out to me in the shop window was the one I liked best, so maybe he should have trusted his own judgement!

We picked my ring together as I'm a fussy bugger and he wanted it to be perfect for me. I've also picked my 30th present for the same reason. If he's buying me somehting nice (and spending a few quid) then he wants me to love it.

I would be honest with him and maybe ask if you can have the stone reset.

*nosy alert* Flow - what's your ring like??

its a 7 diamond cluster ring, il see if i have a pic!!!

First I'd make sure you really don't like it, and then look around for what exactly you like better. I would even postpone the re-sizing if you are not sure what you really want.

Because if you know already you love another design and how that would look like you can:

- tell him what you like about the other ring style (or that you had always imagined something like that)

- ask if he was ok with having it re-designed (using the same material and diamond but adding/changing) little details at a shop that does bespoke things (it will still be the same ring but more to your liking)

- or just with him to the shop where he bought it and exchange it for sth. you have chosen and you like better.

It will be harder for him if you say you don't like HIS gift. I think it might be ok to explain why you prefere SOMETHING ELSE. It think it will also be easier for you when you know what exactly YOU like, and not just saying something vague about his ring.

He basically knew what I wanted too, but he also knew that if I was involved in choosing it we'd get the best we could for the amount he wanted to spend. The boy doesn't do research well!

Hi All,

Wow, it appears this is a bit of a contentious issue!!! Thanks so much for all your replies - I guess I was right in thinking that there are big pluses and minuses to both points of view.

On balance, I think that I will keep the ring and just have it resized... I may have subtly hinted that it wasn't what I would've picked for myself early on, and my OH got rather upset even at that, so I think he would be pretty insulted if I actually went ahead and changed it.

The point is, I don't *hate* it at all.... it's a beautiful solitaire diamond, but I just wouldn't have picked it myself, had I been given the choice, as I like more vintage/intricate designs.

I guess I will wait and see when we get to the shop tomorrow - if I see a ring that is similar to mine (a solitaire, but with a slimmer band perhaps) then I will suggest the possibility of having the stone reset in that band. I just have a feeling that if I allow myself to 'properly look', I will fall in love with something completely different to what he has chosen, and then I'll be even more upset about it, if that makes sense! So I am going to wear some blinkers to the shop tomorrow!!

I will let you know what transpires... x Thanks again for all your advice.

I am glad you were able to make up your mind and make a decision.

Me and OH chose my ring

well i showed him several styles i liked and he went and got one of the ones i'd shown him.

we are VERY hard up at the moment so WE have decided that we will upgrade my ring on our wedding anniversary in a few years when our finances are better.

it's a lovely ring but it isnt perfect and OH is gutted he couldnt aford something better. but it's more important to me to marry him than have a rock on my hand.

i think you should like your engagement ring and your otherhalf should be ok to change it imo.