pregnancy paranoia!!!

Not read this thread in its entirety but the first time (this would be my 2nd) I got married I was 6 months pregnant!

And me a good Catholic girl too...

I still wore a white wedding dress though, but I can be hard faced like that! ?

PS Edited to say I now have two kids and am divorced and marrying a divorcee who has a child of his own and my Catholic grandmother who went to church twice a day for many a year hasn't said a thing! Nor would she, she just wants me to be happy.

We all know that you share that opinion AJ. Unfortunately, you are in the minority here. I don't know the OP's guests.. but I am certain that none of them would think her shameful for being a pregnant bride. I am certain that every one of her guests are already in the knowledge that her and her h2b have sex already.

Unfortunately for you, AJ, there isn't a blanket opinion on this sort of thing, having sex before marriage, even having children before marriage, is universally accepted no matter what religion you may be. It may not be agreed on, but it is accepted. Yet again you have not offered anything to the OP, just an opinion that you live-by which clearly the OP doesn't. I think in this scenario, if you have nothing nice or helpful to say, perhaps just say nothing at all? You always have to be so controversial, I wonder if you do it for the reaction it begets.

And to the OP; I would say try not to worry yourself over it now. I am on the pill and use no other form of contraception and it has seen me through very well. As long as you take it properly, I'm sure you'll be fine. For reassurance, take a test in a few weeks to be on the sure-side.

I'm pretty sure when the OP said she would have to cancel the wedding that the reason would be financial rather than anything else

yes, but the way you present the facts makes it seem that you agree with them, especially if you won't state that is not your opinion.

If I were to post a link to something controversial and not distance myself from the link, I would fully expect people to think that I agreed with the content of the link.

If I said I agreed, I'd get attacked for it; if I said I disagreed I'd probably be accused of lying. Whether I 'distanced myself from the opinion' or not, you know as well as I do that there are certain people that would attack me regardless. Hence I offer no opinion, and even if I chose to, I don't have to justify why - it's simply my opinion which people are of course entirely free to disagree with as this is a free country.

I posted a link to an Islamic discussion. As I am not a follower of Islam, or have much knowledge of their beliefs or the context surrounding why they reach that conclusion, I fail to see how I can make an informed comment on it.

If you agreed you would be attacked for it, yes... if you disagreed, I doubt people would accuse you of lying as you are very truthful. By offering "no opinion" you have hardly quelled your critics have you!?!

I couldn't care two hoots about "my critics". I'm here because we're getting married and using the forum for the purpose for which it was designed, to get and give advice. I'm not here to gain a fan club and cheerleaders.

By worrying about your critics and their opinion, you give them power over you. I choose to refuse to give them that power.

Oh my god...

Agreed, so why did you say that you didn't want to give your opinion as you would get attacked then? If you are not bothered?

Can i just say,you are coming over woe me ,people get to me and almost as if they bully you.

I think half the stuff you post is for a reaction. You and your not opinion but impression given lets say actually really quite upset me .I wish i could refuse to give people like you the power.

It is a rare occurrence that I see you giving any kind of useful advice that hasn't been mistaken by many for criticism.

Why even comment if you do not have an opinion or if you are not answering the OP question? Kinda pointless in my opinion.

OP - im around the 9 mth mark aswell i agree with the other tho if your taking the pill correctly you should be fine

I suggest that you spend more time looking round the forums then, as you've clearly missed the majority of my posts.

Missed or avoided?

Their loss. Makes no difference to me either way.

Good lord I can just imagine the look OH's granny would give me if I walked down the aisle preggers... ?

As much as AJ and I have disagreed in the past, he does give advice and help to people when they need it (including some WOW advice for me the other day) but sometimes he comes out with some right clangers and manages to offend or wind people up.

The pill has a 99% success rate when the pill is used CORRECTLY. That means only 1 in 100 women will fall pregnant.

If you've been taking it at the right time every day and haven't had any sickness or diarrhoea then you are VERY unlikely to fall pregnant. If you're still honestly really really worried then there is always emergency contraception if you're within the 72 hour window. However, once the chemist has been through their questions they might say they don't think you need it.

In AJs defense I dont think he did actually say HE thought it was shameful. I myself had a scare at around the 9 month mark and I have to admit if I had of been pregnant, I would of brought the wedding forward (albeit with a few less 'novelty wedding things') so that we were married before I had the baby.....NOT because I think it is shameful! But because having children is one of the main reasons OH and I are getting married. Both sets of parents are married, grandparents etc so that is what we want for our (god willing) prospective children.

Don't get me wrong I have friends who have been together for 14 years with two children, never got married and never want to...... thats fine with me but I agree with AJ when he says that SOME people would not want to have a child before getting married.

IN regards to OPs post.....do not fear, I had a similar situation and all was fine. I'm sure it will be fine for you too

SOME older generations AJ - not everyone is that narrow minded anymore

I wouldn't worry too much, are you in the time limit for the morning after pill? That might put your mind at ease.
To stop the paranioa, if your fine this month, next month work out your fertile time and don't do the deed in those few days =)


Oh dear looks like i'm off to hell too =/ I was pregnant before i was even at the legal age! Had 2 children with a previous partner, met a new partner, got pregnant and i am only just planning the wedding... Oh how shamefull of me.

Least you'll have plenty of company as I'll be there too

Hi guys, tried to post last night on way home from work but phone wouldn't let me, and then got home to find out internet connection was down. Thanks for all the replies, wasn't expecting so many, and didn't mean to start a debate on religion, but i suppose it is healthy to get a good debate going now and then!

The reason i am panicking is because my wedding is 9 months away, and i either won't fit into my dress, go in to labour on the altar, or have 1/2 week old baby.....and I really can't be doing with that!

I don't think it is necessarily bad to be pregnant when getting married or to have babies before, would just hate to be 9 months pregnant on my wedding day, and would be mortified to ask the priest to move my date! Even though I wouldnt be ashamed to pregnant the Priest would judge us I'd feel!

You are such a Pedant AJ. You really are. That's not a modern view, it's a religious one.

Something as big as being pregnant is dealt with differently by everyone. Some would find it the most shameful thing in the world, others would be too fussed about it. If it was me, i'd work round it, and no one i know would judge me for it. Hence why i asked if it would be the worse thing in the world if she was.

And to be honest, if you come on this forum to use it for what it is designed for which is....giving and receiving advice and opinions when asked. Then you should give your opinion and stop giving someone elses just because you found it on google. We don't want to hear someone elses opinion.

I am one of the people who wanted to be married before having kids but it was more of a security thing for me and definitely not religious (I'm not scared to say that I don't believe in god or gods) and as for being pregnant on your wedding day, there's no shame in it at all from my POV.

I can understand why brides would not want to be pregnant on their wedding day because of bodily changes, hormonal acne, bloating etc (plus not being able to drink, I would have not been happy with that situation) not to mention the financial side of things but until AJ mentioned, other people's outdated opinions and their religious views would never have even been a consideration. If someone wants to scowl at you as you walk down the aisle with your bump then IMO they don't deserve the honour of being at the wedding.

As for the OP, if you've been taking your pill properly and had no tummy upsets etc, I wouldn't worry too much. And if you are pregnant, I'm sure the joy that will bring will over shadow the inconvenience of moving your wedding date.

Just because people might disagree with religious views, it does not mean that they are in any way outdated. Billions of people around the world are actively religious in some way or another.

Just tell us your opinion on the subject AJ; I'd have more respect for you if you did.

Since you insist.

If it happened that my b2b got pregnant before our planned wedding then yes, we would most likely have cancelled everything and had a quiet, quick wedding in a registry office so that at least the child could be born in wedlock, even if not conceived in in wedlock.

If it had happened to us then I would quite probably have lost my job, and my home (since I rent a flat from where I work) as I work for a Christian organisation.

My views are my own and I have no wish to debate them with anyone.

Really? They would make you homeless and jobless if you had a baby out of wedlock (I hate that term).

I'm not trying to debate anything with you AJ; your opinions are your opinions and I just happen to disagree.

If you re-read what I wrote you will see I didn't say religious views are outdated.

But now you mention it, I think a lot of religious view are very outdated and make no sense in 2011.

As their beliefs are very traditional, and we are expected to live by their standards in all aspects of our work and personal life (it's in the employment handbook as part of our terms and conditions) it's entirely possible.

I know a couple of people it happened to about 10 years ago, although whether times have changed enough that it wouldn't be so much of an issue I don't know these days - I'm not really willing to put it to the test just to prove a point.