spending weekends and special occasions etc apart??

Hmmm. No, not necessarily. My husband and I spend lots of time apart and I see no problem with it.

I would find it a bit strange for you to say that you would NEVER be away from your parents at Christmas, though. Are you planning on having children? What will you do then?

I think yes, it's very strange to want to continue spending Christmas apart. I feel that once married, you are a family unit and parents should no longer expect you visiting them every year. I'd either alternate it, or, as we do, host Christmas ourselves and invite any family who want to come. What will you do when you have children? Won't they want mummy and daddy together for Christmas day? Nothing wrong with making your own traditions after all.

Weekends though, I don't think is overly strange, although again, we'd probably go together if we're talking about parents. Due to my job and shifts, for us weekends together are precious and we don't spend them with family most of the time. I have an aunt and grandmother in Wales, and will visit when I have rest days midweek to keep weekends free. OH will see his brothers on the weekends I am working, again so when I am off work we don't have to worry about family commitments. My parents are only half an hour away so we can arrange to see them midweek evenings, and OH's are 2hrs away so we'll make plans to see them together as and when.

Hmmm, while I'm all for a bit of separate time and the odd weekend doing your own thing....

I think if Boy went to stay with his parents for a full weekend every 2/3 weeks and declared that he never intended to have a Christmas away from them, I might think him a little bit of a Mummy's boy.

Exactly this.

And like someone else said, what would you do when/if you have children?

Someone?!

I would find it odd to us because we don't really like spending that much time apart but every couples different and if it works for you then that's fine. I don't get not wanting to spend any Christmas's together though.

This, basically. We alternate Christmas, one year at his parents, one year at mine. We go and see the other one on Christmas Eve.

Sorry Kharvo! By the time I was writing my brain had forgotten ?

I am a Mommys girl and a Daddys girl. not going to deny it. H2B doesn't seem to have much of a problem with it as it has been like that for 3 years since we moved to London. I think he knows that I struggle being so far from home and accepts it. After 3 weeks I miss my parents terribly, when we lived closer, I saw them every 1-2 days. We are a stupidly close family. We have had some hard times and I feel very protective about my time with them. When we have children I suppose things will have to be different. If we lived nearer eventually then they could come to ours or we could do my parents in the morning and his in the afternoon. I definitely wouldn't go a christmas day without seeing my parents at all though. It would be too hard on my Mom. I just didn't realise this was so strange. Guess I am a nutter after all.

I wouldn't like to spend a birthday or Christmas without seeing H at all.

H's mum lives around the corner from us and my parents and H's dad live close by and only about half an hour from us. For Christmas we alternate where we have Christmas Dinner but see all parents throughout the day

We usually do this just because it means than we get 3x the amount of food.. ?

As long as you're both happy then it doesn't matter if other people find it strange. I used to live 10 minutes away from my parents and could go months without seeing them, some people would find me odd!

Ermmmmm yes. The odd weekend not at all. Time away from each other is good but to spend Xmas with your respective parents seperately is just odd. It's weird not seeing them at Xmas but you get used to it and you are not 10 any more. Time to cut the apron strings me thinks. You are making a commitment to this man to be a partnership for life. I think that includes making compromises at xmas.

Do alternate Xmases. I also think the frequency of your weekends home is alot but whatever floats your boat.

I find it a bit odd as others have said. We don't even really alternate christmas because my in laws are separated so we have to split our time three ways. But whatever we end up doing we do together. I'm not sure I'd like to spend Christmas without my H.

What did you mean aswell when you said that you couldn't do it to your mum?

See if we lived nearer to my parents I would no way spend whole weekends away from him and Christmas wouldn't be a problem either. Its just the travelling we have to do that makes it really hard and the time apart is a compromise. At Christmas we pack up and go home for the whole holiday period and don't stay together a whole night for the whole thing. 2 christmases ago cus the weather was bad, I only saw him one day out of the two week period. Although that was horrible.

Not that it matters what any of us think, but I agree with FTLOMB.

Really? You would never be away from your parents at Christmas? I am not falling off my chair in surprise, but I do find that a bit of an odd statement for a grown married woman to make such a statement.

Holey - my little brother passed away last year - he had never left home as he had several illnesses and issues that meant he couldn't do so and was also really dependent upon my Mom. She struggles with the emptiness in the house since he has gone and Christmas would be so tough on my parents with neither of their kids there. She is Christmas incarnate and its always been her absolute favourite time of year. We are stupid close anyway but since that happened I feel so guilty at being far away from her.

Sorry to hear this PH, I didn't mean to pry ?

Would your H not consider Christmas at your parents then?

My Mom is also a grown woman who has been married for 32 years, she visits her parents every week and speaks to them 2-3 times a day and has never been a day without doing so. Both of her sisters (both married grown women) do the same and I speak to my Mom at least twice a day with emails and texts thrown in. Its just the way we do things I suppose.

Holey - you weren't prying love, its just that sort of thing does make your outlook a bit different and has certainly made me more protective and close to them. OH would certainly do christmas at mine, its just we live together, see each other almost every day and I really don't mind christmas away from him. It doesn't seem strange to me.

I don't get why your H2B doesn't go with you to your parents at Christmas so you can spend it together?

A weekend a month away from each other to see your parents isn't weird, but if it was me then H would come with me 9/10.

Just musing, as an aside, I also think it weird when adults who have set up their own house, job, family, life and marriage refer to where their parents live, or where they lived as children, as "home". Really confused me for example, last night, when a colleague said she couldn't come on a night out in the city where she lives and we work, because she would be at home. She meant her Mum's house 200 miles away, but I was very confused for some time!

I'm close to my family I suppose. Parents live half an hour away. Yet even though their home was once mine too, since I left home I've never referred to that house as my home.

Hi PH

I guess general consensus is the Christmas days apart, for the rest of married life, does strike the majority as a little odd. But it is whatever works best for your relationship.

All relationships must have aspects of "oddness" to other people.

Very sorry to hear about your little brother - unimaginable to me, and can totally understand why you feel the need to spend it with your parents, as it obviously would be an emotional and sad time.

x

Perhaps the OP doesnt want them?

I dont find it strange that the OP doesnt want to spend every occasions with OH at all. I would rather not see OH than spend Xmas day with his Mum. To me Xmas doesn't feel like Xmas unless we are with my Parents or its just the two of us. I have spent Xmas with my exes parents before and I hated it.

That said I am not particularly close to my Mum. We can go weeks without talking.

We do often spend time apart as well. I tend to go away for the weekend without him so that I can see my friends. I prefer having time away from him.

I'm a grown married woman. I have 2 kids, and my own home.

I've never had Christmas away from my Mum. I still refer to her house as "Home", and have her landline number in my phone, as "Home".

I often go places with my Mum and kids, without my H. I go to my Mums 2 or so times a week, go for dinner etc, H doesn't come. I value my time with my Mum (and Dad, now my parents are back together), and as selfish or weird as it sounds, I don't want my H there.

We spend at least one weekend a month apart, often two, and many special occasions (alternate Christmasses for example) This is because H has his disabled son for almost half the time he is not in semi-residential school. Last year we spent 80 nights apart, including 12 days in the summer and 6 at Christmas/New Year (when I had pneumonia and was on my own coping with it)

Do I mind?
Yes, of course I do, but I have to put up with it!

I personally wouldnt spend Christmas apart from my OH unless it was work related which the year before last it was. He went to see his parents and then spent the night with me at work. Birthdays are not always spent together but usually they are, I work weekends so we spend 90% of them apart. If I didnt we would probably spend some of them apart from each other.

People think I am odd because I sometimes go and stay at a hotel on my own but its cheap for me because of my job and the OH isnt keen on dinner and drinks and pampering so I use it as an opportunity for me time. Add to that me saying I have slept in the spare room when I finish work in the early hours and dont want to wake him when he has to be up in a few hours then people assume there is something wrong.

At the end of the day what works for one wont work for another and thats fine. What matters is that you still get quality time together and you are both happy to spend time apart.

I find it a little strange but each to there own. If you are both happy with the arrangement and it suits you than why not?

I am totally sick of doing the alternate Christmas thing between my Mum's and the inlaws. I am sure there are some people out there who think that is strange... But then again we are both 33 and l think it's time we do our own thing more, l am tired of fitting into other peoples arrangements. When l mentioned this to OH it really didn't do down too well. This is purely academic anyway as later on this year when l qualify as a nurse then l will be working Christmas / New Year so we won't have many options!

I think every couple is different and whatever works is fine and I wouldn't find odd.

For H and I it would be odd. H and I spent quite few evenings/weekends separately due to hobbies/college/work etc. We own out house with my mum so we see her often although we have own separate parts of the house so we don't spend our time constantly together. I would still go and visit my mum with and without H and I wouldn't find that odd.

Christmases I would really want to spend with H. He is my family, even before we got married, we were a family unit. We visited all of his family on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day and spent Christmas with my mum and brother. If we lived separately we would have spent it ourselves and visited just my mum maybe but I wouldn't spend the whole day apart. Same goes for birthdays etc. I love my mum and love spending time with her.

as long as you are both happy it doesn't matter what anyone else says/thinks. Every family is different so as long as it works for you then tough to anyone else!!

It's a little unusual, but you obviously have your reasons for wanting Christmas at your parents' place. H and I have alternated between our parents for the last few years, and always try to spend some time with the set that don't get us for Christmas around New Year. The only time I can conceivably imagine us spending it apart would be if I have to work.

Going to visit your parents on your own I can understand, and I do it occasionally, though much less frequently than you. And BBB - I call both my own flat and my parents house "home," though this annoys H. ?

Me too! My home for 26 years (the majority of my life so far)

Interesting to hear all the different opinions on this. I am also quietly pleased to know I am not the only mommy's girl out there who still has her parents house under 'home' in her phone even though I moved out 10 years ago. Thanks for all your replies, basically we are all different and thats the way it should be.