What would you tell friends and family if you could...

Ooooh there would be hundreds of points!! My stupid phone doesn't format my replies properly so apologies if this looks wierd. 1. My wedding is not a bluddy party. 2. No, I won't be ordering extra Jagermeister for "bombs". 3.I'm sorry your mum controlled every aspect of your wedding mum but I don't need to hear it every time I choose something. 4. We're not getting married in a church. Deal with it. 5. No, I'm not growing my hair long, it doesn't suit me so why would I want it on the biggest day of my life?.......I could go on & on!

Ha this made me laugh.

I would have said:-

1. I don't care how "devastated and sad" your 18 month baby is at not coming to the wedding, we said no kids! Plus, your kid can't even count past ten, so I don't think he's going to be too au fait with the concept of a wedding to be so upset at not being invited!

2. No, future parents in law, you cannot do a stupid 30 question quiz on cheese and tea, complete with an interactive question and answer session. This is meant to be our wedding, not "Clare & Pascal's Quiz night" (this was said to them, but in French and in a nicer way by my husband - and they still got offended)

3. Listen up awkward bridesmaid, you wear what I say you wear, you don't give me a list of all the the things you won't wear, including "nothing strapless"

Oh they would've paid for their shots they just said to me "when u go to the hotel make sure they've got plenty of Jager in!"....I'm half tempted to tell the hotel to take it out of the bar!!

The short response: "back off"

The polite response: "whilst we appreciate your happiness and excitement in our wedding, we've got it all undercontrol but if we do need any help, I'll let you know, thank you"

I hope not to have to use either but I'm sure I will have more to add over the next 10mths!

1. Mum don't touch a drop of alcohol

2. MIL we do not have time to plan a get together the night before the wedding for your birthday (she actually originally asked us to arrange a mini party - to which i said no)

3. Parents (mine) this is my day, be civil to each other please

4. BM's bit of help would be great....i keep asking, gave up in the end! Part of being a bm should be helping the bride surely? (chief bm helped some)

5. Nan - you can't be bothered to come to my wedding because I forgot to send you a birthday card (was poorly) - jog on!

Threads like these make me feel so lucky!

I would probably say, stop being such boring old farts, I want to have fun at my wedding!

Ohhh I like this thread!

1. Just because I have met you once in my life doesn't mean you will be getting an invitation to my wedding and asking when we are sending out the invitations won't make it any more likely.
2. Mum - I love you but I shouldn't be stressing more about your outfit than mine
3. Also saying - You don't need to spend that much on a wedding, we did ours for much less than that. It was 45 years ago!!!! Of course it cost less.

Bridesmaids - get on for one day, please just wear what I want and not the £599.00 dress you have seen and now want to blow my budget on. You can't all have different style dresses, I don't want this, deal with it. I bought your shoes, for my wedding, please don't wear them to the pub....you can do whatever you want after the wedding but if you spill red wine on your ivory satin shoes I WILL KILL YOU!

Mum and dad - I'm doing my best to save you money left right and centre, please don't look at me like I've said I want to eat baby brains when I tell you the price of the wedding dress. I have found it cheaper....this is the cheapest I can get it. I really do appreciate you paying for my wedding. I have offered to put money towards it and was rebuffed. If you don't want money towards it and I can't get it any cheaper what do I do?! You shouldn't be picking the wedding breakfast food, I'd like to do this, I don't care if you prefer soup to breaded mushrooms and peach melba to pafiteroles. Tough, this is what we want!

MIL2B AND FIL2B - Please stop ordering stuff for our wedding just because you've seen it and like it. I actually don't like the post box you have bought and spent £70.00 on. I am grateful that you are buying things but you're taking over!

GUESTS - no you can't bring your second cousin removed because she met me when I was 3 days old and would love to see it. Stop asking to bring people.

FAMILY - If I want to go to 2 wedding fairs then let me go, I'm not forcing you to come, I enjoy them. Don't tell me I'm going over the top on all this "stuff" because you're not interested. Let me do what I want.

Basically everyone just back off and only give me your "oppinions", "advice", "thoughts", "say" etc if I ask for it!

Oh and H2B - Please give me your "oppinions", "advice", "thoughts", "say"....I need it!

All to my CBM

Yes I do know that you told a mutual friend of ours that you "wouldn't be hanging around after the meal" to emotionally blackmail him. That's one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever done to me.

Telling me "your wedding will be like a car crash for me, I'm going to have to spend all day in the toilet" is the second most hurtful thing anyone has done/said to me.

Telling me "I don't want to see anyone getting married right now, because I can't handle being single" two months before my wedding is not what I need to hear.

I really don't need to hear how awful you look in the dress I spend £250 on for you, when you picked not only the dress I didn't like but in a colour I didn't like because it's what you wanted.

I really appreciate all the effort you put in for my hen do, but do you still need to keep telling me over and over again how stressful it was for you to organise and how much work it was and how horrific an experience it was for you and constantly showing me all the emails you have saved from planning it just so I can see how much effort you put in. I can't say thank you anymore than I already have done.

I'm upset that you turned up 30 minutes late when I was trying on dresses for the first time, and when you did turn up you barely looked at me and spent the next half an hour texting.

If you ask me one more time if I'm sure I don't want to ditch you as my bridesmaid because you are such an awful person and will ruin my wedding photos because you will look so awful, then then you wont be coming to the wedding.

This is my day, not yours. I don't care if you don't want to sit on the top table because it's boring. You'll sit where I tell you.

It's two and a half weeks before my wedding. I don't need you telling me you "need some time from me to deal with things" because you misinterpret what I say and refuse my apologies.

All of the above. Over and over and over and over because they don't listen anyway!

1 - Thank you for you generous money contributions, but that does not give you a right to tell us what to do, who to invite etc etc

2 - No, I don't want a meal out the night before the wedding. I want to relax and sleep and have a nice bath all to myself ON MY OWN

3 - Stop telling me everything that you think that I haven't yet thought of, booked, planned etc because I HAVE! I ALREADY KNOWWWWW!

4 - If you all don't start butting out, as my future hub said last night ''we will run away and get married on a hill if you're not careful''

5 - Booking your hotel room is not my problem, I told you the details, I have given you the discount code, GET ON WITH IT!

To relatives of H2B's family: I don't care that the venue only serves bottled beer and not draught beer - you will cope, especially as drinks will be half price all night

To FIL2B: no I not going to change my mind on the half price bar. Yes, you think we should use that money to pay for extra bar staff (even though there will already be 5 members of staff), but as you're not contributing towards it, I don't really see why you are trying to dictate what goes on

To my nana: no, your friends cannot just come and watch my ceremony as the venue only puts out the exact number of chairs for the number of day guests as they then transform the room for the wedding breakfast; I don't want people who I have actually invited to be potentially stood at the back. And secondly, yes, I am quite content to not have pink flowers in my bouquet as it matches nothing in my colour scheme and I like white and green!

Is anyone else finding this very therapeutic?

I would tell them "coo-ee, it's me ! I'm getting married in April ! Hello?? Hellooooo?? Anyone there????".....

I would say..

To MIL:

Stop telling me to write things that guests need to know on the invitations. We have a year to go and i'm not a dumb-ass! I know exactly what i need to do!

Also, stop informing me of how cheap a certain other wedding (taking place a few months before ours) is going to be compared to mine and how they inviting everyone whereas we aren't!! I honestly don't care what they spend, we don't know your friends so why would we want to pay for them to come!? And stop telling them they are invited!! They aren't and i have to be the one to tell them that~ Thanks!

Stop trying to use my wedding photos as your personal "family portraits" if you want each individual family to get dressed up and have them all take family photos (there are a lot of them!!) then go to a studio, we have to pay for this not you!!

Stop telling me my wedding place looks like a house you used to live in! It doesn't! That was a run down old mess, ours is beautiful!

TO H2B:

If you don't tell your mother to shut up for once i will lose my mind!

I would say:

"I know it's really far away, and it might cost you a lot of money to fly, but please come to my wedding, I will be really sad if you don't come, especially if you're one of the cousins or siblings for whom I flew to the US or Canada from Japan or the UK to go to your wedding."

When you say you want to attend my wedding, I assume it is because you want to share my special day and not simply so you can get free food which you wont be happy with anyway.

My invites wont be going out for a while so I have had nobody moan about not being given a plus one..however if they do:

My wedding is not a party where you can bring all and sundry. You are not in a serious (if any) relationship, I do not want a random person turning up on my wedding day and you will not be on your own, there will be all of your friends to mingle with. Deal with it.

I wish that you (Mum and Dad) would believe me when I say that we should be looking at photographers, dresses, dj's at the moment, a year really isn't that far away.

I wish that you, father, would talk to the priest with me about the fact that that OH isn't Catholic so if we can't get married in the Catholic Church that alterative arrangements can be made.

No FIL2B You can't invite distant members of your family and people that you meet down the pub. And no I do not like prawn vol a vonts and no my mother will not appreciate you lurching at her when your pis$ed/absolutley completely comatosed.

Grandad please accept that Grandma can no longer walk, thank me for sorting out a disabled room and stop complaining that it has no sea view. You aren't making the poor old dear struggle just so you can look out at the sea.

Please sisters just show a little tiny bit of interest and stop going on about how much weight you're going to lose.

OH- thank you for loving me for exactly the deranged, moaning, whining cow that I am (I would say this to him but he doesn't like 'mush')

This feels good!

To my BMs: I don't have a dress yet. The bride's dress is the most important dress of the day. When it is sorted we will look for your dresses and yes it will be full length.

Future Family: please show even a bit of interest. An indication you'll even be in the country would be nice.

Guests/ Everyone: I have absolutely no idea how long after the wedding it'll be before I have children- I get asked this just as much as I get asked how plans are going, no idea why!!

This feels good!!

Not really close friends or family but definitely some colleagues etc, I wont get drunk if I dont want to. I dont drink anyway and I certainly dont want to be so drunk on my wedding day that I forget it or am so hungover I cant enjoy my first few days of being marriedx

To my FMIL- if you dont start taking an interest in this wedding then i will only be thanking my own mother on my actual wedding day

To my BMs but especiallymy MOH- yes i will be ordering your dresses off the internet because we have a tight budget, no i dont care that you dont like our colour scheme, i also dont care that you want a full length strappy dress that wont make you look fat, if i end up liking a short strappy dress you are wearing it or you will not be a bridesmaid ive already told you you can wear flat shoes!

To my FFIL and FMIL please sit next to each other at the top table and get a grip

To my brother- i dont care if you cant be bothered with out dad if you refuse to come to my wedding and pretend you fell asleep like you did with my engagement party i wont speak to you again

To my FBIL please dont turn up in jeans and a hoodie

To one of my good friend's plus ones I'd like to say because of an incident the first and only time I met you which both OH and I thought was very rude you are the one person who isn't included in the free wine with the meal so please go to the bar for your drinks!

If I could say it without crying, I would say

"None of you can ever imagine for a second how much we both appreciate you, and all you have done in the past month, and all you have pledged to do in the run up to the wedding. Mum, Dad, MIL & FIL - thank you for being able to find £6000 between you in a matter of days. Sister, BMs, SILs - Thank you for paying for your own dresses, thank you for being so flexible. To our venue co-ordinator -Thank you for the massive discount, thank you for the other added extras you are throwing in too. To every single one of our friends and extended family, we love you and cant wait for you to watch Stu walk down the aisle, never mind me"

My OH isn't catholic. And our priest is fine with this fact. He is still happy to marry us! I think things get more complicated if your oh isn't even christened (in any church) but things can still be done so u can get married in your church. The priest just has to ask the bishops permission. HTH! K x

I wish that you, father, would talk to the priest with me about the fact that that OH isn't Catholic so if we can't get married in the Catholic Church that alterative arrangements can be made.

See above post. I meant to quote this but couldn't work out how to do it!

K x

[:'(]

You've set me right off Sparkles!

Here goes:

To one of my friends who is also trying to lose weight - I am a size 18 (but I've lost 1.5 stone already and am about to go down to a size 16) but you are nearly 3 dress sizes smaller then me - don't stand there and tell me I don't need to lose any weight for my wedding when you are constantly running/biking/gyming/going on about your diet in a desperate attempt to lose weight. You are a massive hypocrite and I'm sick of it.

To my FPIL - no, we don't want to get married in the hotel round the corner from your house because it is convenient for you. we don't care if it is a nice hotel and OH's sister got married there - the fact of the matter is that we have been to 5 weddings there so its not special enough and we stipulated from the start of our engagement that we wanted a Cotswold wedding. The hotel we have picked in Cheltenham is 10 times more stunning than the one round the corner from your house - now shut up and deal with it!

To my FFIL - you were really flippin rude to our wedding planner at the Cheltenham hotel and you owe her and us an apology for this. (and I know you were rude because you want us to get married in the crappier venue round the corner from your house - it's not happening so grow up!!)

One I have actually delivered:

To my best friend of 21 years - when your best mate calls you to say that she has got engaged, the customary responses is usually along the lines of 'congratulations' or 'wow, that's amazing'. I was not at all expecting you to say "don't ask me to be a bridesmaid" and then go on a rant about how you have been a bridesmaid 3 times and hated it and then go on about how inconvenient it would be for you because you live in wales and that you "wouldn't be seeen dead wearing a stupid frilly bridesmaids dress at my wedding". Most people have the good grace to WAIT to be asked before saying no to being a bridesmaid - plus hearing congratulations from you would have been nice! It's not the fact that you don't want to be a bridesmaid (that's fine with me if you really don't want to do it) but it was the bitchy, ranty, crappy way you spoke to me that has upset me! I'm glad I've told you to go stuff it.

To my other three adult BM's

You are absolutely amazing and I love you! Thank you so much for your support and for always being there for me. You are the best BM's I could ever ask for! x x x x

To a select number of couples I would say - fair enough, you can't make our wedding. But at least be honest with us and tell us the real reasons why instead of making up excuses. Also, for those of you who have said it's too far and you can't afford it - fair enough - but do you really think that we could afford to go to your weddings?? We put ourselves out to be there for you and now we're not really sure why we bothered.

To our oldest friends, who we were so excited about being there with us. The same applies. We are incredibly hurt that you dont want to ask for a day off work. We won't be putting ourselves out should you ever get married.

To certain family members - if you don't like the bar prices, tough. we chose our venue because we liked it, and we've paid a small fortune. you're getting a free meal, so if you want beer, pay for it youself and shut up, or drink tap water for all i care. We also will not be hiring a bus for people to get from the church to the venue. People all have cars, and we are not made of money.

❤️Love this Sparkles.

Me too, beautiful. And what its all about, a refreshing attitude for this thread!

Also this....but please do it yourself so it's something you've done rather than your mum doing it! I didn't ask her to do it, I asked you....

The only thing I would say is this:

My wedding, my ideas, my day. If you don't like it, don't come.

And I would say that to H2B ?

Only joking, it would be to my mum.