Unenthusiastic bridesmaids - having doubts about who i asked. Please help!

Is it possible that this is just a miscommunication? If I were asked to attend a hair & makeup trial, I'd expect it to take a couple of hours maximum - I certainly wouldn't expect an all-day event. The fact that the one bridesmaid was having childcare issues because it was 'taking longer' than she'd expected, while you were looking forward to a late night suggests that something's been lost in translation.

They also may not enjoy the same things as you, so spending a day 'being pampered' may have been a chore for them, not a treat.

I would suggest having a clear conversation with them, laying out what you were expecting a bridesmaid to do and asking them if they are ok with that. While it will be difficult to have that conversation, it's far better to have things out in the open. You don't want to just push ahead, because if you and your bridesmaids have very different expectations of their roles, it's only going to end badly.

Well done for having the courage to raise the topic with your friend - that can't have been easy, but what a good outcome you've had from it.

It sounds as if she is maybe struggling a bit when she looks at her situation (relationship breakup) compared to yours and had a bit of a 'blip' on that day, but she's obviously a good enough friend to try and put her feelings behind her and celebrate with you.

I hope you are able to have a conversation with your other bridesmaid soon as well. Maybe she's worried about her new relationship, and again, is finding the contrast between her own life and yours a bit hard. You wont know why she is acting like this unless you ask her, so go ahead and have the conversation. I hope it is satisfactory but if not, it's much better to know now than have to deal with an unenthusiastic bridesmaid on the day!

Let us know how you get on with talking to the other bridesmaid. I hope it goes better than you expect, and you're able to have your wedding with both your friends' support xxx

If they were pictures of her after getting her makeup/hair done, she was probably just pleased with how she looked and wanted to share it - she probably didn't even think that you might want to keep your bridesmaids' wedding look a secret. In future, if you're discussing anything else with her that you want kept quiet, I'd say something like "You're the only ones who know about this - I really want to keep this as a surprise for people at our wedding, so please don't tell anyone." Being told you're one of the privileged few to know something will make most people happy with keeping quiet instead of feeling miffed that they can't share!