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Hjp
Beginner June 2025 Gloucestershire

Please help - don’t want kids walking down the aisle

Hjp, 12 January, 2025 at 23:08 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 2
Hi brides to be and past brides,


I am 5 months out from our wedding and for the most part planning has been an absolute dream, until now. Recently at a family event in front of my parents, my MIL asked us directly if my fiancés niece and nephew would be walking down the aisle.
For context, my fiancé and his brother do not really get along and are civil at family events (there have been bust ups in the past over various things) we rarely see his niece and nephew.
Originally we were going to have no children at the wedding at all however my fiancés family were upset by this so we agreed to invite them. We have no children ourselves.
As a family my in laws have been though a lot the last few years with ill health etc so we are greatful they will be at the wedding with us, but they are guilt tripping my fiancé to include the children in the wedding by saying how much it would mean to them.
I have very little relationship with these children though my fiance and I have been together 6 years due to the relationship between the brothers, the in laws are saying the relationship breakdown shouldn’t have an impact on the children and they haven’t done anything wrong.
At the family event we brushed it off that it wasn’t that kind of wedding but since then they have questioned my fiance about it saying ‘we don’t see why you wouldn’t have them? what is the reason? it would mean a lot to us if they did walk down the aisle’
there are many reasons why not but logistics is one of them, one of the children is only 4 years old and her mother is not a bridesmaid. She is unpredictable and is nervous around new people so there is no way it’s fair on her to walk her down the aisle in front of 90 people and in all honestly I just really really don’t want it to happen.
I have become really upset this evening to my fiance about this as it’s been eating away at me, the easiest thing to do would be to agree and let them have this moment, the thought of it stresses me out entirely and I feel very pressured to do something I don’t want to do.
To me it feels false as I do not have a close relationship with them and am I selfish to say that this is my moment to walk down the aisle, not unpredictable children just to please family?
Any advice or a virtual hug is welcome, the tears have really been flowing!
Just to add that my fiance has been really supportive about all this and he feels stuck in the middle of it and feels as though the parents have put this pressure on him. He feels we should sit down and explain the reasons why to them and I don’t want to upset them but this has really upset me.

2 replies

Latest activity by Angela, 18 January, 2025 at 00:47
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    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Your OHs family is out of order here.

    For one thing, the bride's choice of attendants are the bride's and no one else's - yes, sometimes a bride may include a member of her groom's family as bridesmaid/flower-girl/page if she wants to, but it should be 100% her choice.

    For another, it is ridiculous for them to be investing so much in having two small kids in the wedding party. You mention that the girl is 4, so I assume her brother is a similar age. Kids this age will not be remotely bothered about being in the wedding party and are often quite stressed by being included in it. And while it might be funny for onlookers to see a small child throwing a tantrum or running riot down the aisle, it's not want you want to be focussing on as you concentrate on such an important moment.

    In your place, I would probably emphasise that at such an important and solemn moment as the wedding ceremony, you do not want to be distracted by having small children with you. If you are happy to offer a compromise, you could suggest that the kids dress up smartly, maybe even provide a buttonhole/small posy for them and have a special photo taken with them after - but NOT walking down the aisle! But if you just want to continue giving a straight 'no', then that is entirely reasonable.

    NB: It's worth pointing out that you have already compromised on your original desire to have a child-free wedding out of a desire to keep family happy - how much further are they going to push you if you allow the kids to be in the bridal party?

    Huge cyber-hug coming your way x

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  • A
    Beginner June 2025 Co Antrim
    Angela ·
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    Talk about being overbearing! Your wedding has nothing to do with your brother in law’s kids! Your groom’s family need to realise that it isn’t about them, and they shouldn’t be browbeating you as the bride. Just politely say no, that you are willing to have them at the wedding but not as part of the bridal party. As the other person who responded here says, it’s your decision who you have going down the aisle with you, your in-laws need to back off and show a bit of respect x
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